20-mo old - extended and/or frequent wakings at night!!!

[meirsmom]

Hi all! We've received extensive support on this forum when we sleep-trained our baby when he was 4 months old. The PU/PD/shush-pat methodology worked like a dream for him at that time, for a few months.

In the last 1 year, there has been a steady deterioration in LO's sleep ability. It started with few wakings at night, and we would intervene only once we were sure he was crying/almost crying, pat him (he sleeps in a cot in a separate room from us right from 1st month onward) and he would go back to sleep. Then the frequency of wakings went up. Now he's waking up for extended periods of time - up to 2 hours!

We've tried to draw a correlation to the amount of day sleep he's getting - but not able to see any correlation. Whether he sleeps 1.5 hours in the day nap or 2.5 hours, he is equally likely to have an extended waking at night. Because of the long duration of these wakings, it's not feasible to stand by the cot and pat him and withdraw/walk out as we'll have to keep doing that for up to 2 hours. So once it becomes clear that it is an extended waking and he's not going to go back to sleep after a bit of patting, we are forced to pick him up and lie down with him on the mattress in his room. Yes, accidental parenting, but what option do we have, if he's going to be up for 2 hours!

The extended waking happens usually anytime between 6-8 hours after going to sleep. Sometimes it happens within 4-5 hours of going to sleep as well. If it happens after 8 hours, then he very often just wakes up for the day.

During this extended waking, he's not fully awake and doesn't want to run around and play. Rather, it seems as if he's trying to go back to sleep but is simply unable to. Nowadays he's started holding my fingers and playing with it while lying down next to me!

Can you please help us figure out why this could be happening? It's super stressful.

A typical day's routine is like this:

WU: 7.30 am
1st nap: 12.30 pm - 2.30 pm
BT: 9 pm

The above timings vary widely, sometimes he wakes up at 6 am, then naps by 11 am and wakes up at 2 pm. Sometimes he wakes up at 8.30 am, naps by 1.30 pm, wakes up by 3 pm or 4 pm. What's fixed (more or less) are the awake times - he's awake for 5 hours in the morning and 6-6.5 hours in the evening.

Please help!

[Maria14]

Hi there,
Not much advice I am afraid but just wanted to say that my DD( now 25 months) had been doing the same as you describe, only her wakening are at least 2 hrs long and sometimes 3-4 hrs.. It's a nightmare. I couldn't figure out for a while what was causing it but now I think it's over tiredness.
Not sure why your LO is doing this as he seems to be getting enough sleep at nap and all in all.
For us it can be a build up over a few days where she wakes earlier than she would want,and then after a few early wakenings even with decent nap, she seems to build this OT and then have a long NW.
So we swing in and out of this all the time- for over a year now..it's exhausting. And we can't fix it
Maria

[meirsmom]

Maria, thanks for writing in. It's good to know there are others out there facing similar problems!

I'm at my wits end and really hope this forum can help provide some clues. Could it be OT, as you describe? Though how? We reached at these A times after carefully monitoring level of LO's activity. Any lesser A time and LO fights nap tooth and nail. At these A times he tends to fall asleep happy - mostly - without seeming OT or UT.

Could it be teething? But honestly LO doesn't seem to be in discomfort. I know he's not hungry. Could it be that he's seeking more security, now that he's more grown-up and alert? The holding of hands/fingers may indicate that. Should we start leaving a night light on in his room, and sleep in his room (on the mattress, not co-sleep) for a few days, so that he gets a sense of security?

Is it a routine issue? Do we need to change something drastically in his daily routine?

Are there any suggestions? Please help!

[Maria14]

Hmm, I don't really know what to suggest.
We have tried everything,including co- sleeping,nothing worked for us.
Currently I know I should be capping her nap as nights have become only 10 hrs but she really doesn't like being women up,so I ve accepted the short nights and let her sleep for 1.5 hrs at nap- she waned up herself anywhere between 1-1.5 hrs. I know though that she will be settling much quicker at bed time having had a short nap,and sleeping longer in the morning,but I still can't face waking her up.
We get bad nights once in every 5 nights or so,its a killer,especially that DD then moans all day the next day because she is tired and I just can't deal with her like that on no sleep myself.
she is over 2 and sleep is still wobbly,its hard,but I try the best I can to deal with it.
DDis very spirited she couldn't nap when she was a baby, just couldn't switch off,was always OT. So I am not surprised she is still having sleep issues. I am hoping things will finally get better when she drops her nap.
I feel your frustration hang in there x

[Martini~]

Hello Honey! Firstly very sorry that you are going through this kind of problem. I am quite sure it's exhausting.

I am thinking aloud about UT as you said he was once waking once, and this waking became longer. Than it's probably some AP going on as at this age they are so smart and very quickly get the new habits. Is his BT so late as he is not interested in sleeping earlier?

What may happen is that he is having UT waking at night, then sleeps in in th morning or sleeps longer on his nap so in the end he has overall the same amount of sleep and once again have NW.
So what I would do is letting him sleep no more than 1.5h at try to keep his day 13h overall. If this is not enough, I would try further capping to 1:15 or 1h. Could you also consider waking LO at 7:30 the latest so his BT is no later than 8:30 as late BT in general result in OT and NW.

Second point I would definitely touch is independent sleep skills. As you are currently touching/lying with him I would consider staying with him in the room but no contact only voice reassurance. When he is fine with it, you may step back out of the room and reassure him from the hall or maybe through a baby monitor. WDYT?