Firstly I know how hard it is when they wake lots... I'm not a fan of controlled crying & I feel in a toddler it causes more problems than it solves as I presonally think (from reading & my own children) they have reasons they wake up & so you need to deal with the reason not the result ie what is causing the wake up rather than getting them back to sleep.
given this sounds like it has been on going, have you ruled out teething, illness etc as they do tend to cause waking in some toddlers, especially the spirited ones which I'm guessing your dd may be. how long have you been doign CC, as I know (from the limited experience I had & friend who swears by it... but has had to repeat every 3-4 months) if it isn't working in 3 days then you have another issue.
Reading into your post (could be wrong) it sounds like your dd is challenging for you & that your ds has been a lot more easygoing... If it is like my ds#1 who is my challenging one he is a barometer to my emotions & I certainly find the more frustrated I feel with him the harder work he is (our ds#2 is the more easy going one). From my experience & I think him being the older I have learnt that if I try to fight his intensity & needs then I am the looser, if I work with him & work out why he wants/needs something, even if I can't give it, we all end up happier.
What I have to wonder is if the wakings aren't out of her need for you... you mention "your special time with your ds" does she have special time? or have her night wakings become her special time? I ask that because you say her wakings have got worse since the bf stop & that may have been a security for her & the fact 8 months later it is something you remember says that it was probably something you choose to stop & not her & you regret/blame in some small way???
Even with the wakings 5.30pm-8am seems a long time to have her in bed & she is probably not needing that amount of sleep if she got it in a better quality.
Personally I think if the CC hasn't solved the wakings STOP all you are doing is breaking her trust in you. I'd take her back to her bed & if she is calm leave her & keep taking her back... if she is upset, sit with her (no interaction) until she is calm or asleep... Personally I think (because of CC) you'd be better staying until she falls asleep (even on a mattress on the floor) & then after a few days doing the gradual withdrawral method (see FAQ board above)
I'm all over the shop here, but in a bit of a hurry & trying to get my ideas out.
I can understand about the lack of a nap, but I do have to wonder if her bad sleep is in part overtiredness & if she is spirited as she sounds, she may have gone to bed more easily with a longer wind-down routine... my 3yo very spirited has always needed about an hour of quiet (one on one - not easy with a 2nd child) activity including 15-20mins of stories to go to sleep other wise he is up & down... so wondering what your wind-down for her has been
Must go 3yo needs help
