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Author Topic: is cio the only way to go?  (Read 3904 times)

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Offline *Liz*

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Re: is cio the only way to go?
« Reply #30 on: July 28, 2014, 12:42:06 pm »
Do you revert during illness or developmental leaps? Or has he been in his own room since then?

Perhaps making light of that request might help him to move past it? As in when he requests you to co-sleep just smile and say 'that isn't Mummy's bed honey', and not get caught into talking about it all over again?
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Offline Aishi

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Re: is cio the only way to go?
« Reply #31 on: July 28, 2014, 15:16:23 pm »
We did revert during illnesses so i guess that hasnt helped. I think i should try keeping it light when he does ask to co sleep and see how he takes it.
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Offline koe2moe

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Re: is cio the only way to go?
« Reply #32 on: July 28, 2014, 20:09:05 pm »
DS also wanted us to sleep with him in his room.  We also did that quite a lot because of continuous NWs and EWs for extended periods of time.  It sounds like your DS needs that reassurance and safety to be with you.  It is normal when he doesn't feel right.  I wonder if there are other ways to help him feel safe during those challenging times.  For us, being able to see everything in DS's room empowers DS to feel safe.  Has anything else work in the past?  Something with your smell? 
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Offline Aishi

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Re: is cio the only way to go?
« Reply #33 on: July 28, 2014, 21:06:41 pm »
Ooh thats a good idea koe to give him something of mine. I'll think about it and suggest it to him tomorrow- see if it helps him feel better about sleeping alone.

Fwiw he went to bed WO a peep after asking if I was going to leave his nightlight on and no nws so far. I'm quite happy to have nightlight on- my only issue was that the last time I tried it he had long nws or ew but he was also already ot from the ews....we'll see
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Offline *Liz*

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Re: is cio the only way to go?
« Reply #34 on: July 28, 2014, 21:37:19 pm »
Def give it a good go with the nightlight. I convinced myself ours caused issues for so long with DS, but I am now certain it doesn't. With DD I've just gone with what she has asked for with that side really  :).
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Offline Katet

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Re: is cio the only way to go?
« Reply #35 on: July 28, 2014, 22:05:12 pm »
Quote from: Aishi on July 28, 2014, 06:26:42 am
Katet I really don't think its a cup filling issue or that he needs anything. ...... He just wants to co sleep- he likes the closeness and cuddles so he said this morning.


I think you just contradicted the first point with the second.  He is asking for more cuddles & closeness isn't he? He doesn't want to break the habit because the need the habit filled is still there.  At 4yo he is either having on the verge of a testosterone surge & that drove a need for more closeness to me with both boys in the calmer moments, where as there was more energy & physical stuff at other times.



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Offline Aishi

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Re: is cio the only way to go?
« Reply #36 on: July 28, 2014, 22:22:06 pm »
Lol I see what you mean katet. What I meant was that he's always getting kisses and cuddles, all day long so *I* think his needs are being met but maybe he doesn't see it that way :-/ but short of carrying him in a sling I don't know how much more I can offer...he gets kisses and cuddles, sits with me to read/ watch TV, I do BT routine and cuddles, most the time I still feed him too! Do u see what I mean in that Idk what else I can do?!

Thanks Liz I will def give the nightlight a good go. How long did it take for nws to settle for u? He called out for me at 11 but settled himself :D
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Offline Aishi

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Re: is cio the only way to go?
« Reply #37 on: July 29, 2014, 06:21:19 am »
Only one nw at 2 when he came into my bed but he went back to sleep quickly. He did 7.30-6.40
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Offline michaeljacknnugg

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Re: is cio the only way to go?
« Reply #38 on: July 29, 2014, 06:42:40 am »
Grand! Your challenge now is to stop calculating how much sleep he's had (for your own sanity!). His sleep is his responsibility.
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Offline barbaraz78

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Re: is cio the only way to go?
« Reply #39 on: July 29, 2014, 07:12:01 am »
Quote from: MJ&N on July 29, 2014, 06:42:40 am
Grand! Your challenge now is to stop calculating how much sleep he's had (for your own sanity!). His sleep is his responsibility.
I am working toward this too... ;)

Aishi, does he have a lovely? My ds has one since he was 3 mo and it helped immensely and still does. When he is scared I tell him his lovely is there to protect him. You could give him someting with your smell, as Koe suggested, and tell him when he needs you he can use it.
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Offline koe2moe

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Re: is cio the only way to go?
« Reply #40 on: July 29, 2014, 09:58:55 am »
Great night then!  When DS became 4, we also got him a nightlight that he has full control of.  http://www.amazon.co.uk/Turtle-Timer-Night-Light-UI1101/dp/B00BK9TMJ0/ref=sr_1_21?s=baby&ie=UTF8&qid=1406627691&sr=1-21&keywords=night+light+turtle
DS chose the colour he wanted.  This light stays in his bed still.  It clicks on and has various timer to stay on, 30 mins, 60 or 120 mins or continuous on.  So when DS woke up in the night, he could just click it again himself without calling us.  He could also bring it with him to the toilet in the night as a torch.  The battery life is very good.  We have had it for over a year and haven't changed batteries yet.  There are 2 brightness settings.
When he has full control, it is not a prop.  Maybe talk with him about whether this light would help him. 
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Offline Aishi

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Re: is cio the only way to go?
« Reply #41 on: July 30, 2014, 06:25:37 am »
Thanks for the suggestions ladies! He does have a lovey Barbara since he was a baby but he seems to have outgrown it

He did really well last night. Straight to sleep at bt and only one nw at 2 when he wanted to sleep in my bed again. I took him back to his room, gave him a cuddle and he went back to sleep.

What can I do about this nw? W2S won't work cos its at random times...anything else I can try?



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Offline koe2moe

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Re: is cio the only way to go?
« Reply #42 on: July 30, 2014, 09:13:31 am »
If you think that it is a habit, then you can try before you go to bed, give him a kiss or rub his ear to stir him.  Well w2s basically, it still disturbs the sleep cycle.  This worked for us.  If he goes to sleep well, it might just go away also by itself.  FX
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Offline *Liz*

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Re: is cio the only way to go?
« Reply #43 on: July 30, 2014, 09:58:57 am »
I would just keep positively reinforcing that he sleeps in his own room, and put him back. It will take time, but eventually he should stop waking. If there is no crying that is already great progress  :).
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Offline Katet

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Re: is cio the only way to go?
« Reply #44 on: July 30, 2014, 10:11:28 am »
Reinforcement of the expectations & also talking about how you know he is growing up & maturing because he is getting better at his sleep etc.
I think its really important with all skills, to tell them you know they will get it & you can see they are trying hard at improving etc, to give that mental knowledge that they are working on a skill & that you know it will take time.

I was listening to a really interesting radio discussion yesterday about children telling lies & how it is a developmental stage & how they then go on to learn the lies we want them to tell "Thanks Auntie for the lovely (horrible) shirt" as against the ones we don't want them to say "No I didn't knock my brother over" & the psychologist was talking about how messages we send about certain things send mixed messages. So in the context of your DS & his sleep, sending the message that you don't want to be woken could be quite different to a message about how he will have more energy if he can learn to turn over & go back to sleep rather than getting up & walking around.
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