Looking for some reassurance

[yaya]

Well I FINALLY decided to give indep sleep a shot after 2 months of ap due to illness and other stuff. For th last 2 months DS has been rocked or walked to sleep and I didnt want to start sleep training while i knew he was unwell. For the record, we've had no end (only worsning) and while I know he's teething and overtired, I thought it was time to try. Previously DS would fall asleep in his cot happily but could take up to 1.5hrs then the health issues set in and now when I try to put him down he gets very, very upset.
So, last night was first night and took 1 hr. We did bedtime routine then I out him in cot, layed him down and calemd him in there with pattign when he became very upset. After a while I think he realised I wasnt going to pick him up and would let himself by layed down. He finally fell asleep with me patting him. First Q: is this ok?? I kept trying to move away from his cot but he was so upset, he needed me to stay near him (ps i think reflyx flare up made him quite fearful of his bed again).
Tonight: took just over 1 hr and he had moments when he would lay calmly and play and I was able to sit on a chair in his room near the cot. Then he would get upset again and we would start the laying down and pattign again. he then started sputtering i think from saliva going down the wrong way. I gave him a drink and he calmed down, layed down and put himself to sleep. Second Q: is this better than last night???

It seems he really needs me to be in the same room, do u think wi/wo would be better for him (maybe hes too stimulated by my presence) or I should just stick with this till hes happy to go into his bed without any intervention from me , and THEN try to leave the room?

I guess I just need to know that this is and improvement on the rocking to sleep (which doesnt take that long) and that it will work eventually and he'll be able to fall asleep completely indep. I'm feeling very underconfident and pretty down at the mo and just want to make this right!

Thanx for your patience if you have read this....

[mari]

TBH I did this for a couple of night until I was sure that Alex was happy with her cot.  I would suggest standing near the cot, then the next night stand further from the cot and so on every night until you are out of the room,  I think Alex was going through seperation anxietyat the time and this is what I did.  It might be separation anxiety but it's probably that he is just used to your presence when he goes to sleep so gradually withdrawing your presence should be ok.

I think that you seem to be doing fine for now.  At least get him at ease in his cot.  1 hour is great for a beginner, Alex is still up there now, singing songs at 8pm and I put her in bed a 7pm!!!

[yaya]

thank u sooo much , I needed that! He did seem genuianelly frightened not to have me near as opposed to just being fussy and I just didnt feel happy leaving the room as it would be CIO before I got even near the door! i really hope I'm doing something right, I'm sure he can sense my underconfidence and I really need this to work out before my bump starts getting in the way!

[*Nicola*]

((((HUGS))) Michelle. 

Sleep training/getting back on track after illness is so so hard.  It's difficult to find the right balance between loving/caring and consistency, but it sounds to me like you are doing really well.

T has obviously had a rough time lately and needs you close by to provide him with the comfort, security and confidence to fall asleep.  It IS a hard task to convince him that he can feel all of these things from the comfort of his own bed too!

A couple of thoughts.  When we went thru sep anxiety I put some of my clothes in the cot with Ciara.  I think I used a PJ top, so it was big enough to stretch across the matress and be safely tucked in, iykwim?  I think the smell and the familiarity of the material was often enough to settle her initially and prevent that frightened stage from ever really appearing.  So it was just falling asleep we had to deal with rather than an anxious lo + falling asleep. 

When Ciara came out of hospital after a week in a hospital bed, we had a lot of playtime in her bedroom and in the bed, so that she got to enjoy being there again, and didn't see it as a place she was being put then abandoned.  I'm sure we also introduced an 'in bed routine'.  So bedtime routine, then special in bed routine - story, cuddle, music etc.  Ciara was about 2 then, so not sure how well it would work for T as he is younger.

You are doing so well, try not to be down on yourself or over critical.  Yes, rocking to sleep isn't ideal but if you have a poorly baby, the most important thing is to love and pamper them, and deal with the rest tomorrow! 

Love to you

 

[yaya]

aww nic thanx, really appreciate your kind words. well the last two nights he has fallen asleep indep in his cot but after 1 hr and the nightwakings aer still horrible, mostly every hr! I hope this gets better soon, goign to keep at it, am confident we'll be ok, just feeling a little sorry for myself these days

[*Nicola*]

(((((((BIG SQUISHEE HUGS))))))

[yaya]

 

[mcruari]

Michelle,
just to let you know that we rocked to sleep until about 12-14 months and boy did my back suffer!!
We then started doing exactly what you are doing. I think you need to make sure that he is comfortable to stay in his bed (seeing as you mentioned that he might have bad memories) so stay with him for as long as he needs you. When you are certain that he is OK in his bed start gradual withdrawal - so a little further a way or on the other side of the room to eventually be outside his door just calming him with your voice. You can then try putting him down settling for a few minutes and then tell him mummy's coming back and go out of the room and see if he can manage with your absence. If not stay with him for a bit longer and then leave.
This may take weeks or months even but you are teaching him a fundamental skill that will stay with him for life - this takes time. Stick with it and you will see the rewards.
Clarissa is 3+ and we still have a few evenings where she doesn't want to settle on her own (rare) but we went through hell with her sleeping but now things are soooo much better and we are still alive (just )

Good luck

[yaya]

ur story is very reassuring thanx soo much

[LucyA]

Yaya, we seem to have parallel problems with our lovely boys!! Callum's been sick and teething a bit over the last month, and he still has a bit of a cough, more so when he lies down. As soon as the cough goes I'm going to do exactly what you're doing. He's also dealing with a bit of separation anxiety, so I don't want to do walk in/walk out. I'm glad you're going first to prove that it will work!  Sounds like you're making good progress so far. 

[yaya]

thanx lucy! I dont know whether I'm doing it right but I'm trying to go by my instints, he's just not ready to be left to it in his room....good luck with C!