I feel like I need to write a warning at the beginning of this post...Warning, needy bw posting...
I have just been in a funk for the last few days. Thinking about going back to work and gearing up for it is really depressing me.
When I got pg, I knew I would, at the very least, take the rest of the school year off, and through the summer. I also knew for sure I wasn't going to go back in Sept, but it took me awhile to decide when I would go back, and even longer to make my decision public. I wanted to take the whole year and go back Sept 2006 but after weighing the pros and cons,(pre-beauftiful baby in my arms
) finally decided it would be better to go back mid year. I would be allowed to keep my position, my classroom, etc. We could use the money etc, etc...
Another factor in my decision was parents of kids at my school, I teach in a very small community where everyone knows everyone. There was only one other choice for a 4th grade teacher for these people, and not a very good one. Parents were very vocal about wanting me as their child's teacher. I wish I didn't care, but I guess it had an effect on me.
So like I said, all of this added up to my decision to go back "mid year". After informing my principal, he talked me into coming back after the first tri-mester, which is why I go back at such an odd time.
So that's the background. I feel totally obligated to go back, and frankly at this point, I think it is financially necessary, although had I made a different decision, we could have made it work (that is hard to know).
So I keep thinking, I will go back, finish this year off and then reevaluate for next year. It's not forever, I have lots of breaks etc...
But I am just devestated about leaving my child. It just doesn't even seem real that someone else is going to be caring for my child more often than I will. I am just a wreck about it.
Of course I thought...oh I will be desparate to get back to work. and...it's good for a mother to go back and for a child to have realtionships with other people...and...children shouldn't get too dependant on their mothers. They need to learn how to let others care for them. In fact I have been so awful to friends in the past who have chosen to stay home (Bec..I have eaten a lot of pre-baby statements)
Now with all this talk on the thread about Separation anxiety (which Sophie is definately experiencing...it breaks my heart when I see that panicked look on her face)
I just...argh...I'm just in a funk about it. I have been occupying myself with the minutia...lunch menus...diaper bag checklists etc...but I cannot deny the fact that I am just really truly sad that I cannot coninue to be the #1 caregiver to my child.
Thanks for listening. Anyone have any sage advice, or words to make me feel better?
Even hugs are much appreciated.
Thanks.
Hannah