Hi Ladies - just wanted to give my 2 cents
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Carter's mum - I agree with Jessica and everyone else who has suggested that you try and extend your lo's naps as good day sleep will result in good night sleep. You mentioned that you think you might have been rushing to your lo too soon... does he cry a mantra cry or is it something else? If its a mantra cry, then I would say he is learning how to self-settle and you might need to stand back but i personally don't think that you should let him cry if its any other cry. 5 mins might seem harmless but please understand that it might be in the long term.
Shh/pat cannot become a habit and if your lo is crying, I would try soothing him with other methods, maybe just try patting his back and saying re-assuring words ("Its ok, go to sleep....."). Some babies find the shushing annoying so there are variations of shh/pat. My lo hated being shushed so I would stay with her, rubbing her back and humming to her. She was also on a paci until 4months, so yes, he is only just learning how to self-soothe but I do think its important for you to be there. Of course if he is just murmuring and not really crying, then leave him but if its a cry and not a mantra cry, try and attend to him.
I also agree on getting "white noise" like a fan or something. I've been using a fan for Jasmine for all naps and nightsleep. It might help him resettle at night easier.
I know what you mean about worrying the cries will wake the rest of the house (including the toddler) up but tbh, my toddler has only been disturbed by the baby's cries a handful of times.
Take heart, this will pass. 4 months was a hard one for us as well and I think things only really started to settle around 5-6 months, when her naps extended beyonf 45mins. Also if your lo has only napped for 45 mins & you cannot get him beyond that, pick him up and watch his cues. Don't give him the full A time and offer him a nap when he shows tired signs (which could be in another 1.5 hrs). It might not look like true EASY but alot of babies are stuck on 45mins naps (especially at 4 months) and some don't extend beyond that until they are 5-6 months (so not too long to go
). Keep the feedings at the same interval (3-4hrs) and have 4catnaps instead of 3naps in a day.
Good luck & let us know how your going
Layla