A little guidance 🙏🏼

[FPT23]

Desperate:

Update! Is this normal??? I've been attempting to sleep from 7pm to now 12am! And he's still not asleep!!

Swing, wearing him... Rocking, nursing. He falls asleep and is up within 5 mins... This doesn't seem natural. I have another child and this is impossible. He will cry at all costs no matter what. I cannot put him down nor do I believe in letting him cry

Something has to give. He's not fussy- he just wants to sleep in my arms. I waited the 20-30 min mark to move him also (toddler needs dinner and bedtime too..hubby needs lunch for work!) and wearing him for free arms was pointless.... He wakes w any and all noises. Please help. This can't be normal 😞 (1mth old)

[jessmum46]

Deep breaths, and (((hugs))).  I know this is super-stressful and hard right now.  If you are worried, have your GP check him over but if he's not fussy, it doesn't sound like pain or discomfort to me.  Honestly, truly, at one month old this is very common behaviour.  My DD was exactly this way.  DS was a dream in the evenings from about 10 days old so if I'd had him first I'd have definitely thought there was something wrong with DD, but there wasn't.  She was just a normal baby who got OT and OS by the end of the day, and (seeing her now and knowing more about her pretty spirited personality) it makes sense how hard it was to settle her. 

Take 5 minutes, think about the priorities right now, and what you *can* do, and then make yourself a plan.  For me at this point it was 'preserve the older LOs routine and sleep'.  So if baby cries through the older ones BT routine, so be it.  (Obviously with you, not in any way advocating CIO).  Get hubby to step up and make his own lunch.  Give the toddler sandwiches for dinner.  Or something equally easy.  And just hang in there, it will pass xx

[FPT23]

He's OT and I don't think pain at the moment! He's easy to settle! Almost immediately but it's when we put him down he wakes and then it's over. The process continues all night. We were up till 1am!

Well, my husband wakes at 3am for work
He needs his rest and is helping a lot. He works very demanding hours and is rarely home so I'm going crazy! I'm sorry for the overreacting but this is truly impossible it seems! I don't want to leave him alone to cry (yes I don't enjoy CIO methods) ...and lose trust or bond w me. But also, I'm having to put the other toddler down and I'm skipping book time, or rushing him and getting upset about it BC the baby is crying for help to sleep. I don't know which way to go about it!?

I feel like a bad mom to both sometimes...

Is this truly normall??? Could it be their clock? I noticed times when we were up early and nights seemed easier and he slept more. Is it BC I let him sleep in? Truly it's BC he wakes around 4-6am to eat (depending when he fell asleep the night before!) and then I let him sleep in so I can get extra hours of rest as well. During the day I really can't and my support is super limited.

Advice? Help? Support?

[FPT23]

Is there any possible way to elongate his naps? Routine or even a lose routine is not working and I could use some more predictability. He's awake after 20-30 mins sometimes sooner.

I'm following awake times. And he was sleeping very good naps before when I followed them...? Ideas?

Also, I'm BFing and when he early wakes from a nap.... He's so upset. I never really know how to soothe him other than give him boob! I never really never know when he's hungry. He's always rooting and I follow EAS routine so he eats before. Also, I feel I turned him into a snacker by doing this.

If he short naps, how do I soothe? Would I return to sleep? Or just keep up a little and try again later? Should I just feed at the 3 hr mark so he can get that full feed rather than snack around after short naps through out the day? (I wasn't sure if that applied to EAS in that case) ...he has short naps ALL DAY and as we know, he's a disaster Come evening hours. 🙏🏼

[jessmum46]

Prioritise the toddler, stick the baby in a sling and do your toddlers bedtime as normal (as near normal as you can anyway!).  The younger ones needs are very physical but your older one has emotional needs too and I would prioritise that bedtime closeness and connection.  Sure it won't be exactly the same as it was, they both have to get used to each other being there, but baby sleep is all over the place anyway so I'd aim to keep the toddler in the right routine.

If you found nights were easier with an early start to the day by all means get the little one up when the older one wakes and at least have them both roughly on the same schedule.  We did that kind of by accident with DS and he did go down well in the evening, but whether that was just him or not I can't really say.

If he's rooting a lot have you tried a dummy?  It can be hard to decide if they are hungry but it might be worth considering  if he's keen to suck.  That said he's so tiny you can't really over-feed and you may given time be able to distinguish the different cues a bit more easily.  He may not go 3 hours between feeds yet, many breast fed babies can't in the early weeks.  I wouldn't worry too much about snacking yet either, I know you are super-keen to avoid bad habits but really he is so, so tiny, I would be focussing more on just adjusting to two children and not setting both of you up to feel miserable because you didn't 'achieve' something.

(((Hugs))), I can tell you are struggling but please just hang in there, he is so small and chaos is normal, as is tiredness.  You can and will do this have you got friends or family nearby to reach out to?

[Haribo2012]

It's 5.40pm my 6 week old is screaming the house down, been fed and cuddled so he's off in the bath. Toddler is whinging he's tired wants a drink, snack extra cake u name it so he's off in the bath next. DS2 will have a little feed then prob scream for rest of evening until about 10pm when he will settle. We will eat our dinner in shifts in between putting older one to bed as he needs decent sleep tonight for nursery,

Chaos reins it's stressful but it's just how I remember it being with DS1 minus the toddler of course oh and minus reflux!

Honestly sweetie I think you might just have to think the naps will come as LO gets older.

[FPT23]

Jessmum,

I've tried the sling and he fusses too or won't sleep in it because of all the noise and stuff going around him. Well, my son goes to school from 11:15am-2:30pm ...so it's hard to really "routine" around that. I can't focus entirely on baby for a nap and just leave my toddler alone. BUT if NB doesn't sleep, or isn't helped- he just cries and cries! Swing, sling, ...I just don't know how I can possibly do both. Car rides don't even soothe him. I don't feel he's in any pain either for that matter.

As far as the feedings: he can go 3 hours! He was doing very well before. He would do morning nap plus 1 hour awake time (3 hrs ish total) ...then eat. Then the same thing through he rest of the day! He was a napping King and also, 5-6 hour night stretches. So, clearly, he must've been eating!? I assume..... But now I just get confused. So when he short naps (wakes between 10-20/30 mins) I would just feed bc I was unsure (still am) ...if he was hungry or not. He gets on but doesn't eat "full" meals. He takes a few gulps, but falls asleep or comfort nurses, then sleeps again. Then AGAIN I'm at a loss bc he falls asleep but then it's longer between feeds- do I make sense? I hope I am! 🙄 For example, I fed this morning from 8:45am to about 9:15/9:20am ...he took a lame nap of 30 mins but then I had to get my toddler to school! Car seat (he did not settle for awhile; he hates car rides too) and then finally as I got home, he's asleep...! It's not 12:05pm and I'm not sure what to do- let him sleep (I was going to try for a nap if possible) or should I wake to feed, on the off chance that he will snack and just fall asleep on me and can't rouse easy. That's what I kinda mean. Sometimes it also takes so long to get him to sleep that I feed every 2 hours just to make sure but most is snacking....  So I never know--- back to sleep? Or feed? Both-- but then he won't have full meals it seems and I think the snacking might be dropping my supply a bit. I have tried the dummy/rocking and it seems to work but raaaarely as well. I just want to avoid BF prop. It's so hard to get rid of later that's why I'm trying my best for a loose EAS. I've settled to rocking and swinging to sleep bc I'm just trying to get through it.

Thanks for your words of encouragement. It seems too long before the storm settles. Most of my friends are working moms. Family- nooo unfortunately I don't have any. And the husband works a demanding job and is gone about 12 hrs a day.




Haribo,
Good to know I'm not alone! Mine doesn't go down from like, 7pm-1am! It's crazy! It's awful because I simply can't tend to him to ease the screams. I'm so happy to hear you and your partner shift turns. It would make for things to be so much more easier. However, my husband isn't around like that on a predictable schedule to have that luxury ...matter a fact he changes shifts every month. It's never easy. He's a law enforcement agent and well, I'm alone most of the time.

[Haribo2012]

I had no help the other night and I just had to put him in the sling and ignore the crying....he pushes on me and scratches as he's OT but does eventually give in and sleep while I do jobs x

[FPT23]

Really

I feel so bad to do that but I'm realizing it's super common... I just don't want the whole "lose trust" or something 😞😞😞😞😞

Mine screams bloody murder and like he can't breathe! It stresses me and him too. It scares me but I'm more at ease knowing many have no choice and have to make ends meet. Do what's needed to survive!!! Hehe ....mine won't do the swing tho either!!! Or maybe BC I haven't left long enough...

I'm curious to see your growth now and how you will help BW when older. Your support and how you have opened up sharing your experience as well has really made me feel better. I most def appreciate you

Does your 6 week old have any sort of a loose routine yet? Or nothing.

[FPT23]

Do you try to nap at the A times needed? Or do you just nap when you can or on the go/when in need?

[Haribo2012]

I have never let either of my lo's cry it out so its hard letting him cry but if he's in the sling on my front then he can smell me, see me etc so don't feel he will loose trust! I also just talk constantly too him when I'm trying to do stuff so either sit him in the rocker near me just telling him what I'm doing or in the sling. The hard thing is babies this age do just get OT and OS really easily so you can only do your best and when the house is a bit in chaos around tea time etc they struggle to chill out. My DS will go crazy crying on the sling but then will just give in and lay his head on my chest and sleep.  I think personally u have to persevere with a sling as with 2 it's about survival these first few weeks.

It's good to talk, I've been around here from my first DS and got lots of support.

I try to monitor A times a bit on the 3 days my oldest is at nursery but I'm kind of going with the flow for another few weeks and trying to enjoy the flexibility of no routine. I try and engineer it so I'm going out in the car or for a walk when he's fed and been awake around 1.15 hours but it doesn't always work. This morning been up with him since 5.20 and he's fighting sleep and now OT so I'm stood rocking him in one arm and getting DS1 milk and pancakes with the other ha ha!

[jessmum46]

Just to clarify as I wonder if you misread something - Zoe wasn't advocating leaving LO to cry alone in a swing, she was talking about babywearing ie having LO strapped to you in a sling so crying with you and being held.  A baby crying with you isn't CIO, that's a very different thing.  Sometimes when they are so wound up all you can do is hold them and be there.  Stopping the crying is desirable but not the whole point - it is after all the only way they can communicate

[Haribo2012]

Oh thanks Katherine yes maybe I didn't phrase it well but yes meant wearing baby x

[FPT23]

Awww Zoe is it? Thanks for such support! I understood a swing- like the ones they sit in and it rocks automatically. Thanks for the clarification Jessmum!

I've done the baby wearing but it's too much noise and light... He won't have it! Other suggestions? 😔 When do their naps and days plan out better? We were doing good! Morning afternoon and 2 later naps... 1-2hrs each then he just changed. So now I'm just going w the flow. Aware of SOME a-times not all. Will his day and naps seem more predictable on their own or something I have to do?

Oooooo sorry to hear about your early wake up! Mine as well! Bad night. He ate but then about 30 mins later after being asleep woke up due to tummy troubles. Gas! Then to get him back asleep is always a nightmare

[Haribo2012]

Of course 
For us with DS1 I think around 12 weeks things got a bit more predictable and I tried to get naps and BT sorted. I did spend a lot of time using shush pat but not sure I'll get chance this time with an older child but time will tell.! Plus with him having reflux it's not advised to pat a lot.

I don't really know what else to suggest apart from put him in the sling, wear him while you sort stuff out and try to settle him afterwards