It's pretty normal to go through a phase of spoon refusal around 9-12 mo. Honestly, your best bet is to go with the flow and do your best not to turn it into a battle. Tyler wouldn't eat ANYTHING off a spoon from 9-12 mo, so I gave up and offered him only finger foods. Lots of steamed veggies, cut up soft fruit, and egg yolk french toast. I'd offer him something from a spoon about once a week, and if he refused, that was that. I didn't push the issue at all, and we were both happier because of it. He ate a very healthy and balanced diet of only finger food. One day, after he turned 1, he suddenly started eating from a spoon again, and he's been eating a combo of spoon foods and finger food ever since.
I wouldn't worry about learning to use a spoon properly, that doesn't come until much later (average is somewhere around 18 mo-2 yrs). She'll do it in her own time. As for your concerns about her getting enough, chances are that she is. Purees are mostly water, and finger food is concentrated, so she's probably eating more than you think!
