Bedtime stuff and night wakings, 3-year old

[hanna]

Hello,
My daughter is now 3 years 2 and for the last few weeks she's started throwing tantrums during the day and wanting to be carried (sometimes she pretends to be a baby) and she only wants me, not daddy. Adding to this are all her demands at BT, wanting to change pjs and asking for more water etc. It takes 10-15 more minutes after she's in bed of shenanigans of this and then call backs for me because she throws her loveys or duvet on the floor when I leave her and she gets mad. Sometimes she only wants me to come back in to sing some more.

She now wakes 1-2 times per night and she calls or cries for me to put her duvet back on because she's cold. We have talked about this and she's showed me in her bed that she knows how to do it herself. I've told her she can have stickers of she doesn't call for me.

The nights are hard for me because it's so hard to go back to sleep for me and she never wants her daddy. She used to be ok with daddy too and I believe it's only temporary but should I be more firm with her?

Thanks.

[Truly Blessed]

Hi Hun,

Oh my goodness, BTDT! There are 2 things to consider here, her development and her sleep, it could be either or both causing the problem, so can you tell me:

What her routine is 

Is there anything going on personally at the moment that she may be picking up on 

Do you mean that she is 3 yrs and 2 months of 2 weeks  (you need a ticker  )

WRT changing the pj's and fresh water, I am pretty much in the same place with 5 year old DS at the moment. I have indulged him (I presume you have indulged her too  ) but now I go through all of those things before he gets into bed. I tell him to choose his pj's when he gets ready for bed, and that that will be what he wears for the whole night, and basically go through every one of his 'foibles' beforehand, so he knows that's the end of it.

Also the 3 year developmental leap was the worst for us, we had several weeks of awful behaviour and sleep, but it passed, as it always does.

I'll await your reply Hun, then see what we can come up with.

((HUGS))

x.

[hanna]

Hello there,

Routine:
WU between 6.15-6.45 am
Nap on Monday, Tuesday, Thursday and Friday at daycare only, not the ther days at home
BT at 19.00 depending on WU time on no nap days; 20.45-ish on nap days asleep 21.00-21.30 depending on all the factors above

She is 3 years and 2.5 months old

I'm thinking of making her a bedtime routine chart where she can cross out all the steps every night. I think it's developmental but I don't want to create bad habits.

She didn't nap yesterday, so put her down at 19.05 and she slept though the night. I would prefer if she didn't nap, but she goes to daycare four days a week and they offer a 2-hr rest time there. She also kind of needs a nap on some days...she just stays up so late those nights.

Thanks!

[Truly Blessed]

Okay that makes perfect sense to me now Hun, this is highly likely to be down to her needing to drop the nap. Chances are she is simply not tired at BT, and the NW are typical of needing to drop the nap too. BT gets later and later during the 1-0.

Can she stay awake at daycare 

x.

[hanna]

Hello,

At daycare everyone has to nap or rest unfortunately. The teachers take turns going out to lunch. On nap days she's tired at 21.00-ish when she falls asleep. I'm not sure it explains all her tantrums during the day and BT behavior right now. Her diaper has leaked three times this week waking her up at 2.00 am so not sure ifs she's drinking too much or if the diaper is too small. But most annoying is that she wakes up just so she can call me in to put her duvet back on.
Yesterday she napped only one hour, from 13.30-14.30, BT at 20.05 and fell asleep pretty quickly. She woke at 23.10 and put her duvet on again. Then she woke at 2.00 and we had to change her  diaper and sheets, and the again at 5.45 am when she wanted the duvet again. WU this morning 6.30.

[emily3434]

Hi Hanna,  we have also just recently passed through this with our 3 year old.  She is my second child, but of course it was worse with her than with ds.  She certainly has been going through a mommy phase, especially if she has needs during the night.  Bt troubles too!! Big time!  It is a phase, and will pass in time.  You have great advise above, and we also do a chart with some success (she inevitably needs something else though!). I would ride it out, be as patient as possible and give her loads of snuggle time during the day.  MY dh tries to spend special time with Her to bond, making extra effort to read a book, or compliment her.  It's upsetting to him, but it will pass!!  Good luck!

[Truly Blessed]

Hi Hanna,  we have also just recently passed through this with our 3 year old.  She is my second child, but of course it was worse with her than with ds.  She certainly has been going through a mommy phase, especially if she has needs during the night.  Bt troubles too!! Big time!  It is a phase, and will pass in time.  You have great advise above, and we also do a chart with some success (she inevitably needs something else though!). I would ride it out, be as patient as possible and give her loads of snuggle time during the day.  MY dh tries to spend special time with Her to bond, making extra effort to read a book, or compliment her.  It's upsetting to him, but it will pass!!  Good luck!

Agree with all of the above Hun, we have also been through all of it, including 'Only Mammy will do' and it does pass. WRT her waking you to put her duvet back on, I would go in but show her how to do it, eg: don't do it yourself, tell her how and watch her, then you can hopefully phase that out. Try and limit the amount she drinks before BT. WRT the NW, can you put her in pull ups  she may stay drier if the nappies are possibly too small.

I don't see anything changing with sleep if naps are compulsory I'm afraid I should imagine her nights will get later and later on those days Hun TBH 

((HUGS))

x.

[Laalaalaa]

Hi Hanna,

We're having exactly the same issues with night wakings. Only mummy will do, never daddy! We had similar bedtime issues and it was definitely due to the nap so we cut that out and bedtimes became a dream.

We're lucky that our childminder will do all she can to keep her awake.

I've posted asking for help with the night wakings so maybe we'll both find the same solution!

Hugs. I know how grim it is.
xxxxx

[hanna]

Thanks everyone for your replies. She does sleep better on the weekends when she doesn't nap. I hope the phase of all the testing and trying to control things (especially at BT) is over soon. I need my sleep back. She seemed happier and less cranky today and didn't throw any tantrums. I'm planning to get her out of daycare one more day of the week so that my help a little. She'll be in Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays from then on.

Thanks all!

[Truly Blessed]

Hi Hanna, sorry for the late reply, we have been away.

I hope the phase of all the testing and trying to control things (especially at BT) is over soon. I need my sleep back.

We have had these blips so many times, and they do tend to right themselves, I think the extra day with you should help greatly, that's good news It is what it is on nursery days so no point in stressing about what you can't change. Is she waking every night or does it tend to be worse on nap days 

((HUGS))

x.

[hanna]

I was hoping by now my daughter's BT demands and fussing, calling for me etc would be over, but it's the same.
If I tell her no more water she'll cry and cry, for example, so I just give her more water. She's in a pull up so at least she's not having leaky diapers now. But she now asks me to lay her down in her bed and to fluff her duvet and sing one more time...it seems to me if I always do these things she'll just ask for more things. Our 20-minute BT routine is now taking up to 40 minutes.

We've started a BT chart so she can earn a small surprise gift but it's only been two nights. And I don't think a chart will help the nw screaming and demands. She wakes up one or twice some nights and she only wants me, or she'll throw a fit in her bed, and all she wants me to do is put her duvet back on or sing to her. I tell her at BT that if she wakes up she can do it herself and not call me and she agrees to it then.

She likes to pretend she's a baby during the day sometimes, like as a joke, but she really likes me to carry her too.  I tell her all the time that she's a big girl now and give her high fives when she does things on her own etc. she also really likes to be a big girl.

I read that other link that's up here, similar to mine.
Any other things I could to help me and my daughter sleep?

Thank you!

[Truly Blessed]

Our 20-minute BT routine is now taking up to 40 minutes.

Ah Sweetheart she's constantly stalling because she's not tired. Unless you can get nursery to let her to drop that nap I don't believe this will change any time soon. If it was DS nursery and they didn't allow it, then he would have be getting a new nursery, end of. They used to have a routine for each child and accommodate them all, even walking LO's in a pushchair if they were struggling, that's how it should  be done, not a blanket rule for all children, it makes me mad. It was a private nursery and the manager also had to try and keep the staff rota at the right number in order to budget the nursery right.

Are you in the UK Hun?

In the meantime, how about you try some 'audio stories' just press play and say goodnight Then at least she can lie quietly and listen until she is tired. It should help the 'call backs' get less.

What do you think 

((HUGS))

x.

[hanna]

Well, she demands things and cries for me to come back on all nights and she only naps Monday, Wednesday, and Friday now. She also has NWs, which seem to be getting worse because she sometimes kicks and moves around in her bed screaming until I get her settled and I have to sing to her a couple of times.

Saturday she woke up unusually early at 6.00 am.
She didn't nap.
BT was 19.10. I was hoping for 18.50 but she kept asking for more things. I actually think she was OT.
Normally she wakes up around 6.30/6.45 or later and is asleep by 19.20-ish so yesterday was a long day for her.

On nap days she goes to bed around 21.00 and while she fusses and screams, she always falls asleep around the same time. We are trying to get my husband back in put her to bed and he did it on Friday night. She cried for me and he went in to her a bunch of times but in the end she accepted that he did my routine, it only took longer.
So he's going to do it tonight again.

Do you think I should refuse the demands or let her get everything she wants? It's socks or no socks, more water, lay her down, put lotion on her back, more water, change pjs. I find it frustrating.

Oh and no, we live in Houston.
Thanks!

[Truly Blessed]

Hi Sweetie,

I think perhaps she is struggling to 'self regulate' her sleep to be honest, because the days aren't able to be consistent, more than likely stuck in an UT/OT loop. It is really hard when you aren't 'in control' every day, and you're not alone WRT the nursery nap being compulsory, I have seen it many times.

Do you think I should refuse the demands or let her get everything she wants? It's socks or no socks, more water, lay her down, put lotion on her back, more water, change pjs. I find it frustrating.

I don't think you should indulge her at BT. I would go through all of the requests ie: pj's/socks/water/lotion and iron them all out before she gets into bed, but I would also fully expect there to be more to come.

Did you consider the 'audio stories' while she is in bed, to help her WD and give less reason for the call backs  This is helping with DS.

x.

[jessmum46]

Only a small thought but do you have a gro-clock or similar to reinforce night time?