CAn't take it anymore!!

[bwsjohnson]

Hi there, I am sorry, I don't know where to post this, I have asked for help in the night waking forum as well, but thought it may be helpful in this forum as well....
Our son, who is almost 17 weeks old, is killing us!!  He won't sleep at night! He starts out asleep, then is awake a million times during the night. He is on the 3-1.5 easy now, with two 1.5 hour naps and two 30-45 minute naps, so he is less crabby during the day than he used to be, but still needs to be coaxed back to sleep during the two 1.5 hour sleeps. He gets a dreamfeed at around 10:30 and won't stay asleep. He has been weaned from his pacifier ( we used to have to put it back in a million times during the night, no worse than we are off now, though ), his crib has been raised ( as his lungs/nose seem to be chronically snotty - we're seeing a specialist next week....) and he is fed around 3-4 am when awake, so he isn't hungry all night long.  He used to be a fairly good sleeper, but things have gone downhill over the last month.  We cannot take it anymore, last night he was up screaming ( he doesn't have a fever or anything like that either ) from around 1 off an mostly on until he got up at 8:15 this morning. My husband works long hours and is exhausted, and I have a two year old to look after during the day as well.  What can we do? We are on the verge of either giving him away or hurting him! And I don't want to let him CIO. We do pat/shhh and PU/PD to get him back to sleep, and it usually takes for ever for him to resettle, just to wake again shortly after.
Any help would be greatly appreciated, this is reaching crisis levels and we don't know what to do or where to turn!!
THanks,
Heather

[vmcdonald28]

He seems just a little young to be needing reassurance, or to be deliberately winding you up.... Some thoughts...

1. could he be hungry? If you bottle-feed, add an extra ounce or so to his last bottle.

2. keep him awake a bit longer in the evening, so he goes down to sleep later.

3. could be cold hands - my friend's baby had this. apparently it is enough to wake them! Put mitts or socks on your wee boy's hands.

4. does he sleep in the complete dark? If so, try a night light. If not, try making his room pitch dark.

5. he could be having a growth spurt, esp if he slept ok until recently. He might therefore just be very hungry at the moment.

6. the start of teething? You could give him something like Calpol, or if you dont want to give him medicine, try teething granules like Ashton & Parsons.

7. Add some baby rice into his diet, maybe at about teatime. Means his wee tummy will be full for longer, and he could sleep a bit longer during the night.

Sorry if theyre all obvious suggestions. Hopefully something might be worth a go.
x

[Aarismom]

Heya!

Could you post your daily schedule (or rather the closest you have to one)? It would help us to know "A" times, bedtime, routine before bedtime and nap time, and feeding times (as well as oz. per feeding).

Thanks!
Sonya =P

[Wilsmon]

The chronic stuffy noses can be a real night time sleep problem.  We had this problem with both of ours.  After suffering through it with dd, I went straight to a specialist with ds.  You didn't mention whether or not you have tried the baby Vicks and a humidifier and/or vaporizer.  I would run them all day long, not just at night.  The stuffy nose can also be a sign of teething, although he seems on the young side.  Have you tried giving him a pain med at night to see if it helps?

Also, it might help in the meantime until you see the specialist or get something figured out for you and dh to trade nights rather than you both getting up all night. Or at least spit the night where you can get at least one 4 or so hour stretch.

[bwsjohnson]

Thank you all for your replies. I do have a humidifier running in his room all day and all night. I tried socks on his hands, but he sucks on them and they get wet and cold, plus it's harder for him to suck his fingers through his socks. His room is pretty dark, but there is some light from the monitor and humidifier.  He's breastfed, by my dh gives him EBM at 7:30 and a bottle of formula at 10:30, then I feed him around 3-4 am, and he's not really ravenous, and makes it until his next feed at 8:30 no problem.
Here is my routine;
8:15 up, feed
8:30 - Activity
10:00 - sleep ( with me coaxing him to go back to sleep for a total of 1.5 hours )
11:30ish - feed
1:00 sleep( with me coaxing him to go back to sleep for a total of 1.5 hours )
2:30 - feed
4:00 - sleep, only for 30 -45 minutes
5:15 ish - feed
6:30 - catnap for 30-45 minutes
7:30 - feed
8-8:30, depending on how "fussy" or tired he is, bedtime
For naps I try to get him to do quiet sitting then take him and swaddle him in his room and hold him for a few minutes and put him to sleep. However, as soon as I lay him down to swaddle, he "knows" it's sleeptime and gets fussier.
At bedtime, he has a bottle, gets his bum changed, has his grobag put on, then sits quietly with Daddy until Mommy takes him upstairs to be swaddled, held momentarily, then put to bed. He ALWAYS cries in his crib, and we do pat/shhh or PUPD until he is alseep. Then the fun begins.
Is it okay to just sit by him with one hand on him when he's crying in the crib until he falls asleep? We're just soooo tired!

[CharlotteandCharlie]

From your post it sounds like you are near the edge.  I was there just a few days ago and called my husband at work sobbing so hard I could barely speak. 

This forum is great and they have some fantastic advice but until you figure out what works (which may take a few days) I wanted to send you some thoughts I have when I feel like throwing my hands in the air and crumbling to the floor. 

When my dd is shouting bloody murder at 3 am, or at 3 pm for that matter, I find I get wound up and things escalate.  What I have been telling myself either in the moment or when I need to walk away to get my bearings is that she needs me.  She is crying because she needs help and I am the one  who needs to help her.  Those thoughts flip my brain from thinking she is a crazy little monster to my baby who needs me for warmth, love, food, and support.  Someone suggested that I talk to her when she is asleep (I have a very spirited lo).  I can't imagine doing that and risking what little down time I get so when I am nursing her I stroke her head and tell her I love her, I'm not mad at her, I won't give up on her and so on.  I felt a little silly in the beginning but it really does calm me and helps my frame of mind for the rest of the day. 

My dd had been sleeping through since she was 2.5 months and then about a month and a half ago she began waking sporadically 2 - 4 times a night and sleep poorly during the day.  (my dd wakes screaming every time she wakes up, always has) I would get so exhausted, frustrated and angry I couldn't logically think what it might be she needed or productively provide it because I was in such a state.  Once I relaxed or took a step away I could come back and make her content by trial and error but either way in the end we are both much more calm. 

So the purpose of my post is just a frame of mind hopefully you can use to get through today and however long you need until things are sorted out with your lo.

Many times a day I feel like I have the only baby in the world who is difficult and that I don't know what I am doing as a mother.  NONE of my girlfriends either speak of these things or have gone through them which has been wreaking havoc on my selfesteem but when you read these forums you know you are not alone.

[emlay]

Sorry you are having such a tough time!  We did the pu/pd method and after 3 weeks it was not working.  My dh finally got a little tired of my method so we switched to the CIO method(not ideal but every baby is different)  We did this for 1 night and she cried for about 2 hours.  We did go in and out to reassure her, and then she finally feel asleep on her own.  It was hard, but night #2 cried on/off for about 20 mins. and sound asleep.  It has been great since then.  I understand the controversy with CIO but it did work for us.  We start our routine about 7:00 with bath, massage, bottle, soothing music, and I put her in the crib and she "sings" and wiggles for about 15 mins then off to dream land.  Waking up during the night once maybe twice and going back to sleep by herself.  I hope this helps let us know what you decide.

[Colin Macs Mom]

Many times a day I feel like I have the only baby in the world who is difficult and that I don't know what I am doing as a mother.  NONE of my girlfriends either speak of these things or have gone through them which has been wreaking havoc on my selfesteem but when you read these forums you know you are not alone.

I just want to say that I LOVE that people here admit that they lose it and feel lost and filled with self-doubt. I have often wondered why so many people act like having a baby is so easy and such a joy, and they're not exhausted or drained. I really felt for a long time that I was a lost cause as a mother and really had no clue, and why were things so different for me? I came to the conclusion that all those people who claim those things are full of crap. I don't know why people feel like they can't talk about how hard it is and the "bad" things. We all go through it, even people with angel babies have bad days. So I want to thank you guys for admitting that you've had bad moments and lost it - I have more times that I'd like to admit but it's reality.

[kirsty_167]

Hi...I just want to post to say that what you are going through is defintely one of the hardest things to deal with.You are a strong person and you will get through this with you sanity,it just may not seem like it right now.I think its great you arent afraid to say that its stressful and you are at the end of your teether(sp).So many others around us prefer to pretend its all easy and ok...that is a far worse situation than when you admit and ask for help when the going gets tough.

I have been where you are.I have felt what you are feeling.I have reached out like you are.I have to be honest,i got more help off this forum than from people around me.Here you arent judged,arent told to get over it they are just babies! I am sick of hearing that from so called well meaning people.I KNOW he is just a baby.I kNOW he needs me.I am not stupid.However i was sleep deprived and that isnt good for anyone!

Tackling the nighttime sleep is extremely hard.Daytime at least you can take baby out if they wont sleep.Nighttime you are stuck.It takes extreme perserverence and lots of patience,which i lacked.I know lots of people dont agree to CIO or crydown or controlled crying but.....after a month of the same problem as you,we decided to go into him,do what we could then leave him to settle.It took a week after that decision.Then jakob(6months now but 4 months at the time) started to resettle himself.he only needed us to go in,pat him a few times,reseetle him and then he would go off to sleep again.We didnt leave him to scream,if he got to that point we went in.But we did leave him if he was crying that mantra type cry...the "i want to go to sleep" cry.

It was hard work.It isnt nice hearing them cry but we knew we had done all we could for him and we did not want him to think of us as props.Or become dependent on us to go to sleep.We used to rock him when he was little and that took alot of work to undo later!! We did not want to go back there again!!!

Anyway while im probably no help,i just wanted to reach out to you,send you hugs and let you know you are doing yourself proud by being so honest,not everyone can be as honest as you are.It makes some of us who have been there too know we arent alone,that we arent terrible mothers for feeling like we could loose it.....When things got so bad for me i would leave jakobs room and come straight on here!! I would type out my frustrations with a new posting etc then go back and tackle the sleep issue again.........please remember Lots of us will be here to "listen" and help where we can.

Thinking of you.big hugs
kirsty

[bwsjohnson]

Thank you so much, everyone.  Thank you, Charlotte, Kirsty, and Jessica, it's so nice to know that I am not alone when I feel like a terrible person who can't handle one tiny little person. Thank you emlay, too - may i ask how old you lo was when you tried the CIO? I think we may resort to that, but remain in the room with him, we actually did a form of that with my dd when she was 4.5 months old, to rid her of her pacifier habit, and it worked! But, she was a much better sleeper than this guy, that's for sure. I think I will let dh do the dreamfeed tonight, then have him on "duty" until 1-2 am, then I will send him away, without the monitor and let him sleep for a good 4-5 hours, he really needs it.  Then, after we see the specialist next week and rule out any sickness or whatever, I may decide to try the sitting-with-him- CIO method. If I am still alive by then, of course, or he hasn't been given away.  IT just seems that he can't get himself through one sleep cycle to the next, night time or during naps......sigh
Thanks again,
Heather

[Lucysmom]

Hi There - Wow it sounds like things are beyond tough right now.  I know you have gotten lots of hugs already, but here is one from me!  {{{HUGS}}}

Two things came to mind when reading your post.  This started when he was 3 months old and there is a 3 month growth spurt and it can really mess things up.  It may be that he is in need of more calories during the day and that will help him at night.  What you could do is offer a small "snack" bottle before each nap.  I think the sticky is still there, but there should be a sticky that is entitled "How Tracy helped Josie get past 45 minute naps".  The situation was that Josie's naps had gone to pot because she never got through the growth spurt properly.  I just thought I would throw that out there just in case....

Also, nasal congestion can be a sign of reflux.  Maybe check out the reflux board and see if your son has any of the other symptoms.  That is good that you raised his crib but maybe he also needs meds?  Again, just a thought....

I am thinking of you. Let us know how things go.

[Lucysmom]

I can't find the post I mentioned.   It was on the old site.  If you'd like I could contact the woman who wrote the original post and she could maybe explain a bit better what the situation was.

[Wilsmon]

The previous post mentioned relux which would be good to check out, but have you been to your ped. to rule out an ear infection also?  Not all babies will have a fever or the obvious symptoms with an ear infection and with the congestion this could be a possibiltiy.  They can start out fairly minor also, and sometimes clear themselves and sometimes not.  Just wanted to mention this incase you haven't considered it.

[Cecilia~Olivia's mom]

I remember this just like yesterday, now that I'm not so sleep deprived. Olivia did the same thing...just when I was going to lose my last brain cell, she learnt to roll over.  Using all her energy to practice, especially at night.  Pu/Pd will work, trust me.  Once the naps (at least one of them) are easy enough, I find night time improved.  I increased calories, no cereal or gassy foods at least 1.5 hrs before bed, massage her body to promate relief of gas or any poops, fed warm milk in a very quite/calm room, elevated her mattress, introduced a snuggly toy, tweaked the bed time routine just a touch (started saying nite nite to her pictures on the wall), bit my tongue & made happy expressions & body language when holding her(the most difficult).

Just wanted to add also that the BW family really supported me & gave me strength & love.  They were the footsteps I saw in the sand when god was busy helping someone else...
Good luck
 

[bwsjohnson]

Thanks again for your thoughts and input, they are really appreciated!
Last night went a BIT better than the nights before, ds was able to settle himself most of the time, no real out and out crying and we didn't even have to be in the room with him. He screamed once, but needed his poopy bum changed and a meal, then talked to himself ( quite loudly, too! ) then put himself back to sleep. He was up off and on all night, but was able to settle himself, so I think that's a step in the right direction, even if it does have us up all the time anyway!
Thanks again, he's up too early from his nap, gotta run!