losing faith

[lochiesmum]

My DS is 5 months old next week and has been on EASY since 4 weeks old. He has never slept through the night, fights me for almost every nap but is in general a happy baby. Recently I have been getting out and visiting friends who are also new mums, not one of them has a schedule, their babies sleep whenever and wherever they are (in front of the TV, on mum etc) and ALL of them are sleeping through the night. Not one of these mums has the stress of trying to get baby down for a nap, or trying to extend that nap beyond 40 minutes and all of them are getting a solid nights sleep. I on the other hand am up once in the night to feed and at least another 3 times to resettle and try to get DS to go back to sleep at 4am. Please tell me this is all worth it and not just me trying to get my baby to conform to something he does not need. We are currently on 4 hour EASY and he has been off the breast and on the bottle now for 2 weeks, this has made no difference to his sleeping at all, he has about 8 to 10 oz over the night, and yes I have tried to feed him more during the day with no sucess. I feel like we have worked hard at establishing EASY and dont want to waste all that work, but sometimes feel it would just be easier to let it fall by the wayside, help me remember why we are doing this

[Kimberly®]

{{{{{HUGS}}}}}
I am sorry that you are having a hard time of it. I can tell you from experience that at least one, if not all of those mom's are lying or streaching the truth. Very few LO's sleep 8+ hours a night without a feed, and your LO is right on track.
Please don't feel discuraged. It is all worth it. Just think all this work you put in now will save you a lot of work in the long run. Don't compaire your LO to others, he is his own baby and comparing will only make you more stressed.
Can you send us an outline of your current routine? maybe we can help you with some tips.
Remember as hard as this is it is worth it.
Do you know your LO's temperment?

[lochiesmum]

He is my spirited angel. I know it is not helpful to compare him to others, and he really is a wonderful, happy boy most of the time, I guess I am just constantly tired and by the third "my baby is younger than yours and sleeps through the night" I was feeling a little fed up and not just a little worried that I was missing something that was making it hard for him to sleep through. Here is our typical day:

Awake around 5 / 5.30, try to get him back to sleep
0700 - start the day with feed usually about 7 oz
depending on what time he woke up. nap can start anywhere from 0800 to 0900 and usually will last about 40 mins, can resettle him most times to get another 40mins
1100 - feed, around 7 oz with a couple of teaspoons of pureed veg
1300 - nap, can be the best nap of the day, sometimes 2 hours, usually 1.5
1500 - feed 5 to 6 oz
1600 - try to get him down for a short nap (40 mins)
1700 - sometimes needs a top up feed here of about 4 to 5 oz
1830 - bath
1900 - feed, 6 to 7 oz followed by baby rice and fruit puree
2200 - wakes for "dreamfeed" about 5 oz
0300 - feed, about 5 oz
0400 - awake, have to resettle
0500 - awake, very hard to resettle
0600 - awake, usually just try to leave him in his cot (if he is not crying) but sometimes have to get up and start his day here, only feed him at 7am
We started solids early on docs advice to help with reflux (well controlled with Losec) and as you can see,he is still getting more than enough milk for his age.
He has no problem sleeping at night, he falls asleep on his own, no dummy, he is still swaddled (tried to sleep without it and got even less sleep!!), during the day I usually have to give him his dummy and pat / rock to calm him before a nap, does not usually take any more than 5 to 10 mins to get him to sleep. When he starts waking at 4am, it is like a daytime nap and takes ages to get him back to sleep
He manages to wriggle around in the cot, even though he is fully swaddled and often wakes trying to suck his hand. I have left his hands out but he does not self sooth with them, it just seems to wake him up even more if he can get them in his mouth
He always has his naps in his cot in a darkened room, same place he sleeps at night. Thanks for looking, any advice will be gratefully accepted

[* Paula *]

You say that he is waking for his dreamfeed.  Does he usually wake before the dreamfeed or during it?

If he wakes up before you give him the dreamfeed - have you tried giving it to him a few minutes earlier while he is asleep to see if he will take more.

Just a thought, I see you are giving baby rice / fruit puree at 19:00 - perhaps this may be a bit heavy on his tummy just before bed, have you tried swapping it to 17:00, followed by a tank up at 18:00, bath at 18:30 and then tank up again just before bed.

[Fiona (Leah & Kians Mom)]

Yes agree would also try the spoon feed at 5pm and maybe a bigger bottle feed at 19.00hrs and mabye try dream feed around 21.45.

[rebecaq]

I agree with the late solids feeding.  Try giving it to him at 5 pm.

And as a fellow mom of a spirited angel, allow me to tell you that if you think he's hectic now try taking him off of a routine  Spirited babies most of all need the structure of EASY to help them. They have so much stuff going on internally and are so persistant that the lack of a routine throws them into a spin.  I found that  had to watch Santiago like a hawk for the teeniest tiniest sleep cue and whisk him off to bed. I swear his window was 30 seconds long.  I would also have to make the winddown VERY theatrical in order for him to focus on it long enough to make the association.

Please, don't get disheartened. It's tough to get them on a routine, but once they are it's all worth it.

And BTW, babies sleep though the night when THEY are developmentally ready, no 2 babies are the same. My niece was bottle fed and took forever to sleep through the night, Santiago was bf and did at 2 months. She's an angel baby, he's spirited. Goes to show that they do thing when they are ready, not just because of their temperament or food.

Big {{HUGS}}

- Beca

[Peek-a-boo]

I'm fairly new to BW.  My baby was sleeping through the night at a young age (3-4 months) with all kinds of props.  Let me tell you--my smug satisfaction at his great sleep went out the window fast when by 7 months he was waking 3-6 times a night and breastfeeding 20-90 minutes at each waking in an effort to return to sleep.  It was a disaster.  You're laying a great foundation that should carry you through lots of changes.  Not to wish anything bad on your friends with babies who sleep well, but things are not always as they appear and accidental parenting that creates great short term results may be a disaster down the road.   

[Anna & Baby Caleb's Mommy]

I'm also new to BW and I'm so excited to discuss the BW techniques that have become a way of life for our family.  Although, I can certainly relate to 'losing faith'...I will not be attending a wedding tomorrow evening because of our 'schedule' and I'm beginning to feel the scrutiny of both my mom and the in-laws.  We have other issues related to EASY but will discuss on a different post.  Mostly, I just want to say thank you Bethany for the reminder that the hard work now will 'carry us through lots of changes'.  I needed to hear that myself 

[* Paula *]

Hugs ladies,

I know it can be hard, but can promise you that it pays off in the end.

Paula xxxxx

[Anna & Baby Caleb's Mommy]

Ok, here goes...I will just try to address one issue at a time.  Maybe there's an easy answer for this...tried the FAQ board...Do you wake the lo up from daytime naps??? We are on a 3 hour EASY, more or less.  Caleb goes down for the night at around 7:00/7:30 and wakes up for the day around 7:00/7:30.  He gets a df at 10:30/11:00 and does well with that.  Until just this week he was waking up around 11 (until i started the df and now he sleeps thru the df) then waking at 2 and then 5.  This week he has started waking up only once!!!!! around 4:00 in the morning.  (I bf from bedtime until morning, when he wakes).  I am afraid to celebrate this sleeping through yet   We are doing the 3 hour EASY because he cannot go longer than 3 hours typically without a feed.  He also cannot seem to have activity/awake time longer than 1 hour and a half.  I have been trying to extend the A time, but he's not ready.  During the day he has a nap every 1 hour and a half.  I did p/u p/d at two 1/2 months and it worked brilliantly, still does if I miss the window.  Well lately (since sleeping through and only waking once during the night) he's been varying his naps.  Sometimes he cannot make it the 90 minutes in the morning before he's ready for a nap.  The other day his usually short morning nap was 2 1/2 hours long!!!  I quietly roused him from that...he had just slept most the night!!!  I was afraid he was extending his nighttime sleep    Sometimes his naps are 40 minutes and sometimes they're 2 hours and 15 min.  So, needless to say it can be hard to stick to the standard EASY with erratic napping.  Is it okay to let him sleep long naps even if he just got up???  In the evening he just has a catnap or two.  I would like for long nap to be in the middle of afternoon like it used to be...the other day he had two long naps...2 hours and 2 hours 30 min.  yikes.  I guess we're going thru changes.  sorry for the long post.

[* Paula *]

At that age I would definitely wake your lo if he is due a feed.  You want him to stick to his routine during the day so that he takes more of his calories during the day than at night.  So yes definitely wake him if he is due a feed.

If your lo is happy on the 3 hour EASY, keep him on it - it is only around 4 months that they need to transition, and even then you could start out with the 3.5 hour EASY.

HTH

Paula x

[Anna & Baby Caleb's Mommy]

good point...i have been dreading the switch to 3.5 easy because i know my lo does not eat enough at each feed to hold him over that long and i have worried about the daytime vs nighttime calories

[lochiesmum]

Thanks everybody, I know this is the best thing for all of us, it is just hard to remember that sometimes. I am going to try to move the solid feed to 5pm today and see how it goes, after another night up being up 8 times, only one of which was for a feed I am ready to try anything. When I look at it, he is fine, it is just me who is exhausted and with a husband who could sleep through a tornado, I am really doing this alone. Will let you all know how the earlier feed went. Thanks again

[daniellechiasson]

...I will not be attending a wedding tomorrow evening because of our 'schedule' and I'm beginning to feel the scrutiny of both my mom and the in-laws. 

This makes me sad    Your routine is meant to be flexible, not keep you home from exciting things like weddings. My view is, some may disagree, that your routine is in place to help your LO know what's coming next but not so strict you can't enjoy life. Personally we have at least one day a week she is off routine so that she learns to adjust.

Regarding the transition to a longer EASY, you dont have to in one day, most moms try to add 5 to 15 minutes at a time.

I hope you can get some rest, I know it's so hard to keep a straight head without it. Do your best!!

Danielle

[NatT]

I could have written your post myself....(See my question - just posted) I can't offer any advice, or I wouldn't be sitting here bawling my eyes out myself, but its nice to know I'm not the only one that wants to inflict GBH on all the smug smiling mothers at my mothers and baby group.  Now I even want to wallop my own mother, whose latest mantra is "ooh, he should be sleeping through the night by now!!".  I hate feeling this tired, I hate losing my patience with my poor little man, it isn't his fault...I feel like this is never going to get any better.... Sorry, you were probably looking for reassurance, not my problems on top!!  At least be assured you're not alone!!