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SLEEP => Sleeping For Toddlers => Topic started by: 4 under 5 on October 28, 2013, 21:15:59 pm
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Ladies I hope someone can help.
My 18mth old sleeps in her cot in our room. At about 2am she wakes and comes in to our bed. Something we all loved as we cuddled and back to sleep.
Now the bad bit. My new baby is just four days old so I've had to sleep In The spare room. Breastfeeding through the night so dh can't take over.
Last night I woke hearing my 18mth old crying her heart out in the bed with her daddy wanting me. :'( the crying can go on for hours at a time.
I can't listen to her cry like that again. What can I do? Can't take new baby in to our room as its awake all night feeding etc.
Help needed ASAP please xxx
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Change is hard for anyone, but for an 18mo, they will get upset. I think you have to look at what you can do... with a newborn can you realistically go back to the old routine, will it realistically work, or now there is a newborn, do things need to change?
Another thing to look at is it is natural to struggle with our child's crying & your hormones will be super high as well, so it is that much harder, BUT she isn't crying alone, she was with her Daddy & she needs to know that Daddy can be there for her too, & Mummy not be the only one to "rescue" her... hard as it is to listen to a child cry, we can't protect our children from every tear in their life, we can only be there to support them through their tears. If your DH is able to cope with the tears, then honestly I'd let her stay with Daddy & know that in a few days things will settle down... it isn't like she is crying alone, it is hard, but in life with more than one child there is compromise & sometimes that does involve tears, even in the most loving situations, but those tears don't break a child's spirit, they help them learn resilience... so in many ways a good thing.
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Thank you very much kate for your reply. I compleatly understand what you are saying and know its the right thing. Think I just needed some back up before doing it. Thank you very much xxx
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Ok so I'm back again. Last night we spent 3 hours trying to settle her. Was terrible. Dh eventually had to take her down stairs for food and eventually she settled.
She's very strong willed and is seriously upset over it. Anything else we can do? :-(
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Anyone ? X
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Hi, so sorry that your post was missed. I note that your LO is 18mnths old. It may well be that your LO hit the 18m SR which is a developmental stage as opposed to any consequence of change. The change you describe may not have helped but may not be the cause.
How was she after your DH had taken her down?
Hena
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Dh says she was ok. They were down stairs for 1.5 hours. He made her a bottle, and gave her some food. He didnt know what else to do.
Today she cried alot and moaned. I felt inside her gums and looks like she's gettin four of her big teeth too. Talk about timing!! She's had high temperatures all day too so we will give her meds tonight.
Poor wee thing. :'(I'm torn because I can't mind her.
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But you know DH can, and can do a good job. You have slot to contend with now getting your newborn settled and on track, don't push yourself and put too much pressure on yourself. It's good for you and your LO to have some independence of one another. Hope tonight us better for you :)
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Honey, sounds like your DH was being wonderful, and obviously you have done nothing wrong. It really is just something you need to work through :-* :-*.
My DD has been the most dreadful teether. Finally got the last 4 at over 3!!
When my DD was 8 mths old I was sick. I had to stop BFing withing 2 weeks and start chemo, and so all of a sudden DH had to deal with DD when she woke at night. They did well. They even became so much closer as a result. He ended up sitting in a chair and rocking her to sleep when she woke. It really was the best thing to do. We carried on like that until I was a bit better when I dealt with that for him ;).
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Hugs xx
When my friend weaned BFing at a similar age her DH took over like yours is doing. The first night she screamed for 4 hours. Next night 3 hours. By day 5 she was going back to sleep in 5 minutes. Hang in there. Change is hard but she will learn quickly. And she is with your DH so she is safe and loved x
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Thank you girls. Appreciate all your comments. Dh is great with her I do have to say. I feel a little guilty because she was my baby but I've a new baby to contend with. It's something we will both have to get through. I'm still super hyped with all the post baby hormones. Good job I've dh to help me. Thanks girls xx
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Oh I'm sure. My friend said she sobbed in bed the first two nights when her LO was crying and we were both filling up talking about it so I can imagine how hard it is. Hugs xx
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Hug hang in there, my DS1 was teething when DS2 was born & I think DH found the fact he had to get up the hardest part... I'd always been the one getting up until then
the way I see it, it took 18months to get where you are, it may take a week or 2 for things to settle into a new routine. The key really is to look at what is do-able in your situation, as you probably know there are no magic tricks in parenting & change is not always easy, I think if you set a goal of much more than a few days for things to settle & expect nights like that again you will be less stressed than if you feel frustrated with it repeating. The whole new baby in the house will be really hard for her, so really it isn't going to be easy no matter what... the plus side is that your DH will form a much stronger connection with her too.
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Thanks girls. It's going to be a long journey. She's still only got 5 teeth! Very slow to get them. Girls can I ask is the 1.5 hour nap during the day enough for her? ESP when she's up 1-2 hours during the night?
Appreciate any help xx
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At this age my LO was probably sleeping around 2.5h. The below address typical amounts of sleep for various ages which may help...
Typical Amounts of Day and Night Sleep
If you think the NW are causing her to be OT which won't help things and she won't nap
Longer, then I'd go for a few EBT to
Keep things under control uykwim xx
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Oh my gosh really?? She used to have a morning nap for one hour then an hour in the afternoon but I thought she should probably be cutting down. Will give her an earlier bed tim tonight for sure.
Can I ask if she's up at 7.30 am what sleep time would you recommend ?
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Don't forget, they are all different. Your LO may need less than R did at this age. With a 7.30 WU, I'd probably shoot for 12.30 depending of course on how the night was. Can you post your last 2/3 days WU/nap/BT and What the nights have been like. Might be easier to help then with what you could so
With the day.
The 18sr is painful, I can't dress it up. Whatever you end up doing, you must stay consistent to ride this difficult time out :)
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Thanks for your help. I appreciate it. I thought having the newborn would be the hardest part but its actually my 18mth old. She's got high temperatures along with the teeth and tonight I noticed her throat red raw. I'm not sure if that's from all the screeming and crying she was doing or maybe its part of an infection or something. Ill keep an eye on her.
The last two days routines are as follows:
Fri
8am wake (after being up thursday night for 2 hours)
10.30am nap
11.30am wake
3.15 nap
4. Wake
7.30 bed
4.30am wake
6am
Sat
8am wake
12.50pm
3pm wake
7.45 bed time
Who knows what the night will bring..........
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So she made it through to 4.30 last night before she woke? That's great progress x
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I think if she's unwell and teething you are going to have to play it by ear a little. But by the sounds if things, progress is certainly being made.
H :)
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Last night she woke from 3am till 5am then back to bed with her daddy until 8am.
Not sure what nap to give her today?
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I'd probably go for 12noon myself
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Ok. Going to be a later nap now as dh had her out. Probably be near one by th time I get her down. :-[ ill see how it goes. X
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Ok bumping up as last night was the worst night ever.
She was in bed at 8.30
Woke at 8.45 screeming. She cried till 1am. I had to go in to get her to sleep then dh climbed into the bed so she didnt notice. She slept till 4am and screemed till 5.30am to which in I had to settle her back to sleep once more.
I don't know what to do?? I was going to ring the doctor out of hours :-(
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Anyone please. X
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Hugs xx
How does she seem today? does she still seem unwell?
If shes ok in herself then i do think you may have to be brave and let DH muddle through for a few days. By taking over and settling her she is going to think your DH isn't good enough to do it. It honestly took my friends DH 5 days to get their DD settling for him. I worry if you don't you are going to run yourself into the ground resettling her in the night and dealing with a newborn. Something has to give somewhere.
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Thanks for your reply. She's not herself. She not eating much, only wants rubbish to eat, her throat is red, not sure if its from all the crying but am taking her to the doctor today to get her checked out.
My poor husband. I rang his mobile phone from my bed last night as he was Down in the living room with her and he said all he could do was stand holding her, she screemed if he even went to sit down with her in his arms?? He didn't know what to to as his back was getting sore.
This is the 2nd week into this now. :'(
I've put her down for a nap at 11.30am as she was tired. Will I let her sleep till 2pm and bed at 7pm?
I'm scared what tonight has to bring. Lucky my 4&5 year old didnt wake as they back at school today.
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I'm so sorry I missed your post - having sleep issues of our own here!! It does sound to me as though your LO may be struggling with her teeth perhaps combined with the 18SR?
At least with the docs appointment you can hopefully put your mind at rest as to whether she needs any medical attention. I agree 100% with Shiv, you need to let your DH take the lead in this one and manage it. You have too much else to deal with and will ware your self out. Your DH sounds like he's doing a fab job eh?
Re: your plan, yes I would let her sleep the 2.5h. Tbh, given her night I may even go for 3h I she'll sleep. None of what is going on will be helped by OT which she clearly must be. If she has 3h then yes 7pm BT. If she has less, I'd be tempted to go for an earlier BT with a view to her catching up little.
What do you think?
H
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She won't settle for him though? It takes so long. Hes worn out. I can't understand why she cried when he tried to sit own with her in her arms but was ok with standing up? I've showed your reply to dh and he's asking would it not be ok for me just to settle her back to sleep until this all blows over a bit? .
I'm ok, new baby sleeps 3 hours or so in between so I get some rest. Just wakes me hearing her crying.
Sorry to hear your having your own problems too.
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I think its because she is so used to you doing it. It will take time to get her used to DH. The only other thing I'd suggest is to not take her out of the bedroom as that could be confusing her. Just use your sleepy phrase and comfort her in the room. She may well think hes taking her to find you.
Hugs xx
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Even if it take 6 hours to calm her down? That's mental torture. No matter what dh try's to tell her she won't calm down until he takes her down stairs. Then the crying continues. She really is very strong headed. Never seen a child not back down after an hour or two but she can go on and on.
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I agree with Shiv hon - I know it must be tough, but it is just what you are used to. Taking her downstairs just gives her mixed messages/creates a new habit to break.
When R went through the 18SR it was hell. Admittedly I didn't have a new born but just managibg the hours of screamingm sleep refusal and temper was soul destroying. The only thing that got R and I through that was maintaining consistency. So, with DH taking over, let him handle her. Keep her where it is she sleeps. I promise you and DH will prevail - she will soon get the message that this is how it is to be and you will come through this, all of you. To go in to settle her for DH just gives her the message if she screams loud enough.... And then what if she does it in the night - how will you manage then hon between looking after your NB, settling her and getting no rest.
I know it's hard hon, but please hang in there. I hope that you get on ok at the docs
H x
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Thank you. I know your both right. Brings me to tears reading it. :'( poor little girl. Ill see what the doctor says and report back. Thanks I really appreciate your help. Xx
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big big (((hugs))) to you all xxxx
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Thanks. She went for a nap at 11.30 am and awake at one. Should I let her have another nap before bed?
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Either that or bed at 6pm?
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Hugs xx
I know it's easy for us to say and I know how hard it is. I totally appreciate it's much harder to do than say!
My friends LO was unbelievably stubborn. She screamed 4/5 hours plus the first few nights then it just clicked. If you rescue it will make it harder in the long term. Honestly I would just stay in the room. Try and think the goal is to get her back to sleep, not so much to just calm her down. Makes the process easier so your DH isn't trying tonnes of tricks to calm her down. I'd just be very sympathetic. 'Its ok baby daddy is here, it's just sleep time, we'll see mummy in the morning'.
Hugs xx
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Meant to ask does she go to sleep independently at nap and bedtime?
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Thanks girls. Her bed was 7pm tonight as we had lot on this evening. She wasn't long going to sleep.
For her daytime nap and going to bed at night I've always lay beside th cot and held her hand. Disaster I know. We used to sleep together for daytime naps sometimes when I was pregnant because I was so tired. How silly I was doing this :-(
She was at the doctor. Her ear was a tiny bit red so she gave her an antibiotic anyway.
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I think that is part of your issue really. If she doesn't know how to go to sleep she doesn't know how to get back to sleep in the middle of the night. Does she accept DH putting her to bed ?
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Hey,
Just checking in. How did last night go? X
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Shiv maybe. She won't let him put her to bed.
Don't want to jinx myself but she slept from 7pm untill 7.30 this morning!!!! In her own cot with only a few little whimpers. I'm delighted today. Could this be the end of it? Xx :)
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Wow! That's great.
I'd just keep as you are with DH resettling. You maybe do want luck talk to DH about him putting her to bed or starting to be part of the routine. She would accept him more readily in the night if she sees him as part of her sleep routine xx
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Yes shiv. I'm afraid I don't feel ready to do that yet. She's been through enough. Maybe when this all settles we can think about that. It's me holding back but I can't help it :'(
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Oh no pressure at all. You have to do it when you're ready. It's just if she keeps having really bad nights it may be something that would help that along. Hope you get a good night tonight x
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Thanks hun. Really appreciate your help. Will see how we get on xxx
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:-*