New member with questions!

[Caroline5555]

Hiya, I'm new to this forum but it looks really useful! My LO will be 6 weeks old tomorrow and I tried to start EASY yesterday. I have a few questions:

1. My LO sleeps ok in the day, so since starting the EASY regime I have needed to wake her every 3 hours. This often means that she's not properly hungry when I wake her, so she does a short (maybe 10-15 minute) feed. Then, by the time I've burped +/- changed her, she'll take more. I assume that I therefore just do "EAEASY"? Is that right? If so, do I then start the next cycle 3hrs from the first or second part of the feed?
2. Does it matter where she naps? Is it best to be in her crib in our room (where she sleeps at night), in the dark and quiet, or can it be in her moses basket in the sitting room (in the light with tv on)? Also, should I use swaddling/blanket for her day naps or just at night?
3. The most tiring part of the day is the evening, when our DD cluster feeds from 6-11pm, breast feeding at least hourly (if not more). This evening I wondered whether she was just using me as a pacifier, so I tested her with some expressed breast milk and she took a good amount of that so I genuinely think she's really hungry in the evenings! How on earth do I do EASY in this situation?

Thank you for your help and suggestions!

[amayzie]

Welcome hon!

First of all have a read of this- it's a really nice summary of what's important to consider in the first 3 months.

Getting started - how I survived the first 3 months

Basically they are really little- so it won't always go to lplan!

In answer to your questions:

1) It's fine to break up the feed like that- lots of bubs like that. I'd count the feed time from the start of the first feed i think.. keeps it all even then!

2) It doesnt matter too much where she naps as long as she DOES nap- in that for some babies the light and TV and such mean that they can't manage to nap as it's too exciting. But if she can then you might want to keep her where you can see her. I would also swaddle for both naps and nights as this is then a really nice cue for her for 'sleep time'

3) Once it gets to the evening  sometimes all rules go out the window!! They often need to eat and eat and eat in this time period- so you just have to go with it. I would try to put her down for a sleep after she's been up for an hour or so to prevent her getting OT- but if she won't settle then you may just need to roll with it... SHe should settle down with this by about 12 weeks...

[Caroline5555]

Thank you so so much, it's wonderful to get such a quick response and to know I'm not alone in all this!

Yesterday evening was awful unfortunately: she cried non-stop (with intermittent feeding) from 6pm till midnight! Luckily my hubbie took over, who is far more patient than me. We are trying the shhh-pat and PU/PD methods. Is this right or is she too young for this? She is always grumpy in the evenings but never this bad. She was crying even after feeding, changing, burping and trying to "destimulate" her in a warm, dark, quiet room - it was so so frustrating....

[amayzie]

she's too young for PUPD- but by all means if you choose to shh- pat her in the cot then you can certainly pick her up to calm her. To be honest though- if she was crying that much i'd be doing what i could to settle her- so if you need to hold her to settle her then that's fine- they sometimes have these blips and ou need to just do what you can!! Do you have a carrier? baby wrap carrier? these can be good for unsettled babies too. Have you tried a dummy- are you going to? At this age they sometimes need a little extra to help them settle. Especially if they have a little tummy upset (they often can) ..

[Caroline5555]

We do have a sling, which she always falls asleep in if I go out for a walk with her, so I'll try that next time. We do have a dummy too, but would rather save it for dire emergencies if possible....

Last night, we just dropped the EASY rules for the evening cluster feeding session (6-11pm) and fed her whenever she liked and had cuddles in between. It was so much easier on us all and I think for the moment, unless you suggest otherwise, we'll just be guided by her in the evenings, even if it does mean she doesn't go down till 11pm.

Can I ask a few more questions:

1. At what age can babies begin to form bad habits?

2. When do these cluster evening feeds tend to ease off and at what age should I start be more strict in the evenings?

3. Is it OK to start the EASY regime at a different time each day? e.g. I have been trying to start it at 9am, but this morning she fed at 6am, had a change of nappy, then had another half of the feed and only settled back down around 8:30, so I let her sleep till 10:20 (partly so I could get some rest!) - is this OK or is it best to be more strict?

3. Again, in the daytime, if she only settles an hour or less before the next "E" is due, can I leave her to sleep for a couple of hours and delay the next "E" or is it best not to?

4. Before we started EASY, she would sleep for 4 (sometimes 5) hour stretches in the daytime. Now I am waking her every 3 hours. Seeing as she cluster feeds so much in the evenings anyway (and is gaining good weight), can I stretch the cycles out, or is it best not to at this age?

Thank you!
Caroline

[amayzie]

Great plan to relax in the evenings!! It's such a lovely time for a cuddle!

Generally you fade out the cluster feeds at about 8 weeks. She should start to be a a bt more settled by then- but don't panic if the fussiness continues till about 12 weeks or so- you may just need to roll with it till then. Usually though they start to settle a bit before then. she should start settling to sleep at about 7/8 pm or so and doing a longer stretch of sleep to start.

The bad habits is a tricky one.. if you had her go to sleep on you and hold her for every nap then you might get her used to sleeping like this after a while- even early on. BUT if you try to mix it up and have one or 2 naps in the cot, some naps in your arms etc then you shouldn't get too many habits. The other thing is that even if a habit is formed you can use somet strategie like shh-pat closer to 3 or 4 months. Lots of people are really relaxed about doing some accidental parenting on purpose early on- enjoying the cuddles and doing what they can to get by- and then do some sleep training in 3-5 days when they are ready.

You only need to worry about making sure the EASY is running to the same time if you are finding that the day is starting to shift- so if instead of your usual day being something like 7-7 it is becoming 10-10 or something similar. The odd sleep in day is totally fine- we had a number of those- enjoy them, but don't tell too many people! They will be very jealous!!

You can delay the E as long as you are getting roughly enough feeds in across the 24 hours- and as long as you have more feeds in the day rather than the night. Basically babies make sure they get enough food- you want that to be in the hours where you are awake!

It's best not to have her sleep more than 3 hours at a time in the day, otherwise she will be not as tired in the night...

[Caroline5555]

Thank you again for all your advice. Our DD is now 12 weeks old and things are much easier, hurray! We do EASY in the daytime, on a loose 3-3.5 hour cycle and then the only difference in the evening is that she tends to feed at about 6pm, then we do our bath time routine, then she feeds again at about 7:30pm and goes down to sleep at 8pm. So she doesn't have the recommended 45 minute nap, but generally she settles well at 8pm so it doesn't seem to matter.

The one thing that is only being of variable success is the dream feed. The first two times I tried it, it was great. She had it at about 10:30pm-ish and then slept till about 6am! Since then, however, whenever I try it, she's either completely asleep and won't latch on, in which case I've just left her asleep, put her back to bed and then she's woken for a night feed anytime between 2am and 5am. Or else I've tried to rouse her for the dream feed and she's ended up awake, crying and not hungry!

Any suggestions? Part of me thinks I should just forget the dream feed as she only only feeds once overnight now anyway, but part of me thinks it's good for her to get into the habit of lasting from a late feed as long as possible through the night....

[amayzie]

Great news on the days and the evenings!

As far as the DF goes- it's really just for your convenience. If it works then go with it- if it's going to be more stress than it's worth then try getting to bed earlier and just feed when they wake.

We did do the DF and LOVED it!! My guy was also EBF and i wasn't particularly interested in pumping for that feed every night so did it on the boob. I found it took a few days of trying to get him latched- some very very funny moments i must say but after about 3-4 tries he got it and then would start rooting around but staying asleep as soon as i picked him up. It's really up to youthough. They'll start sleeping through in their own time regardless.

[Caroline5555]

Thanks. Think I'll try it a few more times and see, as it would be nice not to have to feed overnight... Happy new year!