3-month old hates to nap

[yalo]

Our little boy isn't exactly a great sleeper although nights haven't been too bad (noting, however, that these have been getting worse recently).

We're trying to implement a suitable EASY schedule for a three-month (exactly) old. During the day he eats every 3.5 hours and we try to implement nap time an hour after the feeding (bottle). By then he'll have started yawning and rubbing his eyes, so definitely tired. the only chance of getting him to sleep is to put him in the pram and rock him until he nods off. Even then, he'll often only sleep for 30mins and sometimes not even that.

We're really starting to lose it. No idea whether this will soon get better by itself or whether some kind of sleep training is required. We keep coming across completely contradictory advice. Contented baby, cry it out etc.

We had been hoping that he's get better at three months but he's been getting worse for the past two weeks, including nights (which had been quite good).

Any help/advice would be greatly appreciated! No hint of any medical condition. Had a bit of colics right after birth but that seems to have cleared. He's clearly tired but left alone he will cry until he pukes.....and then he'll cry some more.

[tinky]

I also had this problem the first couple of days with our DD. I found in the last few days that she will give good long naps if I give her a good wind down at the first sleepy cue she gives, which is usually 40-45 minutes after she wakes up and only 25 or so minutes after she's done eating. I thought the A time was way too short but went with it and she's been giving me long naps (1.5-2 hours) the past couple of days.

I'm new to EASY and definitely no expert, but going on the first cue rather than average A time for her age has really worked for us!

[yalo]

Thanks or your reply. I tried to put him to sleep as soon as I saw him getting tired (sometimes even before I saw it) but the naps were still no longer than 30 min
I am so confused, I don't know what to do after that short nap.

Lets say he eats at 1 pm, I put him to sleep at 2 pm or so... he falls asleep at around 2.30 pm and sleeps till 3 pm.
QUESTIONS: what do I do after this kind of cat nap? How do I put him back to sleep and if failed what do I do next?

[jessmum46]

Hi Yalo,

I think part of the issue might actually be you're trying for naps too early, not too late.  At 3 months of age most babies can handle around 1h20-30 of A time before needing another sleep (that includes time spent eating).  If you try too early, LO may well fight you and get overtired in the process, so only sleeps 30 mins, doesn't get a good rest and the overtiredness continues.  Putting my LO down at the first tired sign at that age almost guaranteed a short nap. 

PP is not wrong in that sometimes when LOs get very OT, shortening A times temporarily can help them catch up and take some long naps.  But after a few days typically those naps will shorten again and if you don't push the A times to something more age-appropriate you end up back where you started.

Have a look here for some typical routines: Sample EASY Routines from 0 - 13mths+

Have you read the BW books and are you familiar with shh-pat? Shush-pat - How to

Please don't leave him alone to cry, especially not until he vomits . I'm not trying to be judgemental but here at BW we don't support any form of CIO at any age (even the original proponents would not recommend it before 6 months). There are far gentler and more respectful ways to teach your LO the skills of independent sleep which will maintain his trust that you will always be there when he needs you.  We'd love to help you get started if you'd like to

[yalo]

No, I am not gonna leave him to cry like that again.
Ok I will try to put him as soon as I see his first yawn/scratching eyes.
But if I still fail and he sleeps only 30 min, what should I do? End the nap straight away and don't put him to sleep till next scheduled nap (easy schedule)? Or end the nap and count 1.5 hrs till the next one? But then my easy schedule will be such a mess (feed time will clash with nap time)...
So confusing!

[yalo]

Since my last post I've been very patient and  tried my best to improve nap times.

Come nap time, I put my baby in his pram swaddled and put the hoover / white noise sound on. I then put one or both hands on his body and legs or if he's putting up a struggle, I rock the pram gently. This usually helps him go to sleep and he's fine for about 30mins. After that, I have to to pat him and try to keep his legs down.

He is getting more sleep during the day this way but it's very exhausting for me. Do you guys have any more tips, please?

[jessmum46]

Well done with the progress you've made . It's a hard age, honestly, naps were pretty much all short and inconsistent for us at that stage.  Something that did help though was using blackout blinds - have you thought about trying that?  Did you want to keep track of awake and sleep times for a day or two to see if there are any routine issues we could help you adjust?

[yalo]

Hi, this is the hubby writing. After a really good day, baby and mum had a terrible night.

Our assisted naps went well yesterday and I'm doing the same right now. Our LO is in the pram (which is covered so he doesn't get distracted) and the hoover noise is on. Had to rock him a little and now he's napping.

His bedroom is quite dark and blackouts are on order but this would only be for his proper sleep.

I just hope we aren't messing up night times with these naps. Apparently, there was some painful gas last night which clearly didn't help!

The missus has been logging his naps so I'll ask her to post....

Thanks for your help!!

[weaver]

Look forward to seeing the day times, and hope we can spot something for you.

Is there a compelling reason for doing naps in the pram? I would generally favour trying to do most of them in his cot, particularly if the room is well set up with blackout blinds and so on.  It might help him (and you) a bit. 

And, while lots of babies benefit from using white noise, rocking him to sleep in the pram may be creating a 'prop', meaning that he will start to associate sleeping with being rocked, and you might get stuck rocking him to sleep all the time.  Just something to be aware of.

[Haylam_e]

Some catnappers are catnappers due to OT or UT and some are just natural catnappers - mine was. No matter how I tweaked A time, did W2S or any other methods (non crying methods), he'd still catnapped. At 3 months I started with shush and pat instead of rocking and the occasionally PU/PD which worked a treat when it came to removing props so he could fall asleep (did not manage to extend any naps with these methods). I was obsessed with getting my lo to sleep longer and it made me miserable (I was better when I accepted that he was a catnapper and just went along with it). At the four month sleep regression, none of these shush pat or pu/pd things worked and I had to do APOP to even get my lo to sleep. At 5.5 months he suddenly slept better and I could put him down awake and he'd fall asleep on his own. He suddenly can nap 1.5hr or more and he rarely takes catnaps.
I have done absolutely nothing to encourage this so I think it was developmental.
I know this might be much of comfort now but if your lo is a "natural" catnapper, then it is just a wait it out game.

Hope it goes well for you

[jessmum46]

Is there a compelling reason for doing naps in the pram? I would generally favour trying to do most of them in his cot, particularly if the room is well set up with blackout blinds and so on.  It might help him (and you) a bit. 

And, while lots of babies benefit from using white noise, rocking him to sleep in the pram may be creating a 'prop', meaning that he will start to associate sleeping with being rocked, and you might get stuck rocking him to sleep all the time.  Just something to be aware of.

I totally agree with this ^^^^^^

It's fine to do naps in a different way to nights if you want to and are happy with the sleep associations you're creating, that's not for us to judge.  It has to be right for you as a family   But it is worth bearing in mind that many LOs as they get older don't sleep well in the pram as there are too many distractions from light, sound etc.  And short naps (although they can be developmental - pp is totally right about the catnapping phase) can continue for much longer than necessary because LO isn't sleeping independently.  It does seem to be a current 'trend' or general wisdom that naps should be in a lighter/noisier environment so as to avoid confusion with nights, but to be honest once you're out of the very new newborn phase, day-night confusion is less of an issue and the way I see it is I wouldn't want to sleep where it's noisy and light.  Just something else to consider

As Anne said, looking forward to seeing what sort of routine you're getting during the day.

[yalo]

So I left the house for work this morning being told that it had been another awful night. Don't think the missus currently has the time to post the schedule. Moreover, our Baby Whisperer book got delivered yesterday and my wife is trying to implement the 3h EASY schedule today.

A few points and questions......

We did the naps in the pram as it's easier to sit on the couch with the pram next to it and pat to prevent him from waking up (versus standing next to his kot).

I've read suggestions in this forum that naps shouldn't be rigorously enforced and playtime should be enjoyed instead. Our LO seems to get overtired and cranky if he doesn't get enough sleep so that didn't really seem an option. Short naps lead to overtiredness which tends to prevent him from falling asleep later on.

Not sure about blacked-out naps (Gina Ford) as I thought we'd save this association for the proper sleep.

I'm starting to think the reason for his proper sleep getting worse is the fact that he's now got used to us assisting him with his naps and he now expects the same at night.

What do you guys think, please?

[jessmum46]

Sorry it was another bad night

Honestly, without seeing what's happening in the day it's really hard for us to comment.  Day sleep affects night sleep and vice versa.  It is important to understand however that EASY is not, and was never meant to be a schedule.  Learning to read your LOs cues and aiming for an EAS pattern where you can (although some EASAEAS is normal when getting started) is what you should be focussing on at this stage.

If naps in the pram are easier from a purely logistical point of view, that's fine, but I wouldn't rock the pram.  Treat it like a bed, put the brakes on, and stick with shh pat which is easier to wean. 

Naps shouldn't be 'enforced' to the point that neither you nor your wife is enjoying your baby, I think that's what is being referred to when people say to enjoy the playtime.  But of course babies need sleep and will be cranky without it.  It's just it's easy to become sleep-obsessed and before you know it you've missed your baby being a baby . If it's been a bad day, just put LO in the pram or carrier and get out and do something nice for yourselves.  There is a 'Y' in EASY for a reason

It's up to you about blackouts.  Can only speak from experience (my own and that of many parents on this forum) that LOs sleep much better without distraction and stimulation.  Although the sleep book you mentioned is one of the more famous for recommending sleep should be in the dark, it is by no means the only one.  My personal view is that for babies, nap times are every bit as important and 'proper sleep' as nights - so why wouldn't I do everything I can to make the conditions for sleep optimal?  Like I said though, it's up to you.

Yes, if he is napping better that may have a knock on effect on nights.  Seeing a record of a couple of days would really help though.  Can your wife just note down wake and sleep times?  Don't worry about when LO eats etc, just an outline of what's happening would help us to help you much better.

Are you currently patting/rocking until LO is fully asleep?  It may be time to start stopping a little sooner with the patting, perhaps when LO is drowsy/almost asleep and see if he can do the last bit for himself?

[yalo]

Thanks. I'll try to post times tonight/tomorrow.

Just one more thing I'd like to add is that in the past, missed/short naps have led to hysterical crying (to the point of puking  ). When that happens, there can't be any play time or enjoyment for anyone involved. That's why we've been so keen to stick to naps.

Oh, and the missus has tried to assist with naps only to the point of drowsiness rather than until he's fully asleep. We're really trying our best.

[lauradj]

If I can pop in here to comment, I know that my DS went through a period of short naps when he was between 3-5 months and it was really frustrating!  I found a lot of parents on here with kids the same age experienced the same thing and it does pass. However at the time you feel like you're going to lose your mind! 
Have you watched the DVD Happiest Baby on the Block?  It was a life saver to me and it follows similar principals to BW, which was great because my LO didn't like Shhh...Pat.  You can probably get it at your local library.  Looking forward to seeing your EASY schedule.