Burping and sleeping and sucking, oh my!

[Tiara]

Hello,

I have a daughter, she's my first and is only two weeks old.  While I'm loving the experience it is far more challenging than I imagined. 

The toughest part is that my little one seems to cry a lot - more than I expected, and recently she'll start within minutes of having finished eating, and won't stop until I get her to sleep.

I have a few questions and would love to hear your responses...

1) Could I be burping her improperly/not enough?  How much is enough and what's the best way to do it?

2) If she doesn't seem to want to stay awake for activity time at this point (meaning age) should I be concerned?

3) She has a soother, and likes it (maybe too much?).  When I give it to her for a while, she doesn't readily spit it out.  She'll keep it for an hour, as she dozes, if we let her, and if we remove it when she's not sucking, she notices right away and gets quite fidgety.  We try to only give it to her when she's past tired, so she can calm herself (at most twice a day), but I'm worried about using it at all since she seems to lose her ability to get calm without it.  Again, at her age should I be concerned about this?

Thanks for your help - for us first time moms this resource is a life saver!

[Grace's Mom]

Congratulation on your new baby and welcome to Baby Whisperer. 

Crying can be caused by a few things.
1. Maybe some more gasneeds to come out.  New borns tend to have excess gas and it should get better as they get older.  There are so gas drops you can purchase at the grocery store or pharmacy that may help with it. 
-My lo at that age burped best over our shoulder.  Other babies like being propped up on your knee and then others burp well by laying across your knees.  You may want to try a few different ways and see what works best for you all. 
2.  Another cause of crying during/after a feeding is acid reflux.  My daughter has acid reflux and some things that helped were keeping her upright for about 30 minutes or more after each feed, giving her special formula for babies that spit up and our Dr. actually gave her medication.  I would ask your doctor of course before you start doing anything just because it may be normal new born crying that you are experiencing.  I wouldn't worry at all as she might just have a small bit of colic or gas.   

No Activity Time:  At that young of an age you baby needs TONS of sleep.  Take full advantage of it because it will change all too soon.    My lo would sometimes sleep4-6 hours straight and nothing I did would wake her.  I would be able to feed her during that time and that was it.  I think for about the first 4-6 weeks Baby Whisperer suggests just getting to know your baby and really not worrying too much about a routine until later as new borns needs extra special care, love, etc. during this very short time that passes all too quickly.  Enjoy  and have fun getting to know you baby.  See what kinds of patterns she has and then after a few weeks try and put together a routine that works for you and her.  As the days go on her awake time will lengthen.  When that happens it will be good practice to make sure she gets put down awake so that she learns to self soothe...she of course will need your help to learn but will soon enough master it beautifully. 
-Unless she is awake all night and sleeping all day I wouldn't worry about it too much just yet.  For the first few weeks my dd would be awake maybe a total of 4 hours total in a 24 hour period.  Again enjoy it while it lasts.

Paci...Up until age 3 months or so babies have a very, very strong need to suck.  They don't have control over their limbs yet so sucking on a paci is a huge life savor for them and you.  We gave our dd a paci during naps and bed time only and still do.  At around age 7 months she was able to pick up her paci and put it in her mouth herself so it has never been a problem for us.  We just throw about 6 paci's in her crib and she never needs us to put it back in through out the night or during naps.   Some moms however wean the paci earlier and that is strictly up to what you are comfortable with.  For my dd it is just a sleep cue for her and a way to help her calm in to a good sleep.

I hope this helps some.  You have definitely picked the right website.  I wish I had found it sooner as I would have been a lot less stress out iykwim.  I hope you have a wonderful time getting to know your baby and enjoying these new born times.  I feel like I just had my daughter and today she turned 8 months.  Time just flies. Best of luck to you and your family.

Melissa

[rebecaq]

 :oCongratulaions on your new baby!!! And Welcome to BW 

Wow, I think Melissa stated that VERY well 

- Beca

[* Paula *]

Welcome to the BW.

Yup, Melissa covered everything

Please keep us posted on how you get on.

Paula x

[Tiara]

Thank you Melissa!

And a big thank you to you all for your warm welcome.

We're still having some difficulty with her, particularly around getting to sleep.  Most of the time it takes a half an hour, but in the late afternoon/evening she gets in a really bad way, and it can take more than three or four hours.  She sleeps and wakes, sleeps and wakes, sleeps and wakes.  Poor thing, it's not for lack of wanting to sleep.  We can't figure out if it's gas or what.  Sometimes I think we're going to go bonkers.  Tell me is this normal???

And as for the paci, she gets a little distressed if she spits it out and can't suck anymore as she's trying to drift off.  But I appreciate the advice, and I feel much more confident giving it to her when she's worked up as a means of calming herself.  Thank you for your advice. 

The solidarity of parents on this site is a godsend.  What a brilliant resource!  No wonder you're hooked.  I'll have my husband signed up by tomorrow

Thanks again!

Tiara and baby Liv

[* Paula *]

Tiara,

When you say that it takes up to half an hour to get your DD to sleep, is she constantly crying or is she just fussing?

Are you using pat / shhh to try and settle her?

I can tell you that it is quite common for a lo to get very unsettled in the late afternoon / evening time.  It is a very fussy time for them, although they have slept through the day, they do become overtired and grumpy.  I can tell you that it does get better in time though.

I am not sure where you are, but in the UK we have a product called infacol and this really helps your lo bring up their wind.  What it does is it collates all the tiny air bubbles in their tummies into a bigger bubble and helps them bring their wind up with just a few burps. 

Could you post a routine of what a typical day looks like i.e. eat (BF or Bottle), If bottle how much, A - how long, Sleep, how you settle your lo, including your wind down routine.

Paula x

[jlumom]

Welcome Tiara, and congratulations on your new little one!!!

I agree with all of the prior posts about all of your questions...  I just wanted to let you know that all 3 of mine did the non-stop crying thing in the late afternoon/early evening, and just like Paula said, that is very normal.  It is commonly referred to as the "witching hour"! 

All I can say is that yes, this time does pass, even though it seems like it will not.  It passes all too quickly, as I'm sure you've heard!  One of the things that was a lifesaver for me in those early weeks (especially when I had # 2 and # 3, having older siblings to deal with), was wearing the baby in a Baby Bjorn during the witching hour.  It seemed the only way to calm them down, and it got me through those rough few hours.  By about 6 weeks things were much, much better.  So just hang in there, and just come here for virtual hugs any time you need to!!

[Tiara]

It's good to know that this is all in the range of normal

Things have been much better the past two days.  I've been tracking her EAS and have a better idea of her rhythm.  I've also become more confident in giving her the pacifier and it seems to have made a big difference.  I can read her cues better and know when she wants it and when she's done. 

Activity time is getting shorter.  Typically now we change diapers, play laying down for about 10 minutes and then she gets fussy, so we sit up and play for about another five.  After that she starts to wiggle and flail her legs, and wants the paci, so I give her the paci and swaddle her.  Then we sit together and I (or dad) either sing or read to her, and within 20 minutes she's conked out.  We haven't had one big crying spell since we started watching for the sequential cues in this pattern.

She still gets gassy in the afternoons, but she's not up for hours wrestling with it.  The only down side of this is that she sleeps less at night. So I haven't been getting as much rest.  God bless my husband, though who's willing to take a night shift!

In part I'm not too concerned with her getting a night routine, since we'll have to change it in a couple of months anyway.  We're moving from Canada to South Africa and the time difference is almost one full half day.  Oh, well, we'll deal with that wen we get to it.

Thanks again - I'm blessed to have found a team to help me!

Tiara and baby Liv

[Grace's Mom]

I am very excited to hear that thing are improving. Those first few weeks can be so confusing and hard at times.

Go your DH!    Mine was/is the same way.....loves to help...and it is such a huge blessing. 

Wow, that is a big move.  We are also moving in just a bit too.  We are moving from Florida to Washington (a 3 hour time difference). Best of luck on your move.  It will work out.

When you say night time routine do you mean time and such or do you mean things you do before bed time as cue that is it time for night, night?

After my Grace was about a month or so...maybe @ 2 months (it's hard to remember now), we started a bedtime routine and still do it to this day.  It has changed a bit as she has changed, but she surely knows it's bed time and we then have zero problems with her falling to sleep after we lay her down and leave. 
Our routine is:  Bottle, Bath, PJ's, Lotion, other Half of bottle while sining (we sing the same songs every single night), read a verse or two out of the bible, say our prays, and kiss her goodnight. It is a great way to end a long day. 
I would suggest, even though you are going to be leaving in a couple of months to eventually have somewhat of a set bedtime just so that your lo has a sense of whats going on and doesn't get over tired, etc. Her body will know it is bed time and it will just be so much easier on all of you.  That is just my suggestion - especially as she becomes more and more aware of her surrounds she will need that nice routine.

Have a great week Tiara.  Hugs and kisses to little Liv.   

[* Paula *]

Tiara, that is fantastic news about things starting to improve, over the next few weeks, you will definitely see EASY starting to take place.

Wow that is a big move.  Now I am just going to be nosey, what part of South Africa are you moving to?  I am South African, born and raised, but have spent the last 4 years in the UK.

I agree with Melissa, you definitely want to set a bedtime routine, it really helps your lo realise when it is bedtime.  It might even be worth trying to implement something now.  What time do you put your lo to bed at the moment?

Please keep us posted on how you get on.

Take care 

Paula x

[catty47]

Hi Tiara

I just thought I'd mention one other thing that's great for calming babies, and that's swaddling - I'm going to swaddle mine till she's ready to go to university I think!  They just look like little windmills otherwise and have no idea what's flapping about in front of their faces (their arms!)

My daughter really calms when I put her in the swaddle - when she was tiny I pretty much fed her, winded her (I too have a massively windy baby; it's not easy getting those burps out of some babies!), and then swaddled her.  She is just getting to the sucking fingers stage now at 13 weeks, so I let her have a go in A time, but becuase she's still not quite in charge of her limbs and actually gets quite mad if she can't quite get them in and keep them there to suck on, I still swaddle her for sleeping.

I can't believe I didn't know about it for DD#1!  (I just made loads of bad accidental parenting mistakes instead! )

Catherine

Tracy massivley recommends swaddling, and I have to

[Tiara]

Melissa - that's a great idea a bedtime routine, right now there's no fixed bedtime as we're still trying to follow her rhythm, but she usually goes down for the "long" sleep between 8 and 10.  One thing I wonder about is bathing daily.  We live in Canada where it's dry and cold, so I'm concerned that bathing my lo daily will dry out her skin.  Any thoughts on that?

Catherine - Thanks for the tip.  We do swaddle Liv; as soon as her little limbs get out of control during activity time, and until she wakes from her naps.  I don't think she'd ever get to sleep with out it!

Paula - We're headed to Durban where I'll be attending the University of KwaZulu Natal at Howard College Campus.  I'm doing a Masters in Development Studies there.  Where are you from?

Thanks all for the help!

[Grace's Mom]

Tiara:  For our bathtime, we don't wash her with soap everyday. We make sure her hands, feet and tushy are clean but we do a full cleaning every couple of days.  We use it as a signal that it's bedtime. 
We also put lotion on her right before we put on her pj's so that she doesn't get dry.  We of course don't put it on her hands or feet as they will just end up in her mouth or eyes. 
Maybe that will work for you.  If not, just do a bath every couple of days but make sure you have other things during your bed time routine that lets her know that it's bed time....something that can be done every day.

[* Paula *]

Hi Tiara,

I agree with the bath time routine.  Even if you just play in the water for a little while, you don't need to use soap all the time.  We also used some baby oil to lock in the moisutre in our DS's skin, and also did lotion every night.

I was born in Cape Town, and spent most of my life in Johannesburg.  Durban is fantastic, lovely place, especially the ocean.  You are going to love it there.

Keep us posted on how you are getting on.

Take care

Paula x