WI/WO 22 month old

[Renatapogacnik]

Hello,
Our 22 mnth girl went to a bad habit at night sleeping after travelling to Mexico for 3weeks from Europe, when we came home she had jet leg, got Rotavirus diarhea and after that another virus infection with high temperature. When this all finished her 2 teeth came out. It was all to much!!! Before that she was an independent sleeper. Now we are ready to start this independent sleeping pattern again.
2 days ago we started WI/WO, because she was wakening 6 times a night!!! First evening she needed 45min to go to sleep, and she woke up twice in a night, i had to go in just 3 times each time. This evening she needed 20 min to get to sleep, she WU twice at midnight and at 4am. But she WU 5.30am and didn't want to go back to sleep. She cryed and than she WU smiling and talking to me.
I have a question what to do with EW and if she WU and i WI how long should i stay in her room, should i go in immediately when she calm down.
How long will this last, i read tgat it is possible 14 days?

Thank you very much!!
Love,
Renata

[HenaV]

Hi Renata,


I've always followed the following rules when I have had to do Wi/WO:

(1) BT as normal
(2)Get the 'don't go, I need you mummy' patter from R. My response: No R is time for night nights (or whatever your sleepy phrase is), lay her down and leave shutting the door behind me (she sleeps in the dark with the door closed) ... And let the games begin!!
(3)R will kick off the minute I walk away- stand back and assess. Is the cry upset/distress OR temper/frustration. If it's the latter, do not go in. Hold back. There is a difference IMO between upset and angry cries - don't jump in! If it is the former, implement (4)
(4) go in - put back into bed/ lay down and again say sssh, it time for night nights now - and again leave
(5) again stand back and assess and do not rush in. Only go in if you LO is upset not just angry / frustrated. If you need to go back in, say NOTHiNG - simply put back into bed/lay down and leave
(6) rinse and repeat (5) until he gives in - HE WILL. It may take hours the 1st time, it will take less time the 2nd time and so on until he decides it's just not worth the effort 

Top tip: make sure you have something to occupy you waiting on the landing - Phone, book, game - something that can distract you and stop you rushing in/ going in prematurely. You will be there for a while so be prepared to stay the course and I promise you will crack it - he will relent before you do.

Hth

Hena

[Renatapogacnik]

So, aproximately wait max 10s, otherwise her cry is stronger and stronger and i don't want her to think she must cry very loud to call me in. At first she didn't want to lay back down, but now she does it immediately by herself as i step in the room. I go out immediately after she stops crying, that would be like max 45s. How long did you wait out and how long did you stayed in.
Thank you very much! I belive she will realise that it is not worth it, because i know now she is just playing game with me;)

[HenaV]

I didn't time it, I judged it on the type of cry - if you're timing it I think that kind of defeats the purpose of Wi/WO. That is, if it's genuine upset, then timing it makes it a CIO method, but judging if it's real upset or temper/frustration will better able you to respond to her needs.

So at time R would cry/shout (so not upset needing me cry but cross that I was doing what I was doing. I didn't relent. If it got really loud she would invariably get out bed and get things out of her wardrobe or come to the door (she'd never open it). I would then go in, not say a word, put her back into be and leave (at which point she would scream. Of course if was upset or needed me I'd be in her room in a flash, offer her the necessary reassurance, tell her it was time for night nights and if she needs me she can call me as I will come.

Does that help?

H

[Renatapogacnik]

Yes of course, it helped, thank you. Our dd is still in her crib, but i think i cant leave her to cry, no mather want kind of cry it is, because i think she needs me and it will make her even more upset...and she will think i abandoned her.
Thank you once more!

[Renatapogacnik]

This morning again she Wu at 5.30 i took her in my bed and she slept back. But she didn't want to do that in her crib. She was standing and calling from time to time for 45 min, so i went there and took her out. Is this a huge mistake? She wu a lot this night but i went in just 3 times, otherwise she did calm herself down.

[HenaV]

I wasn't suggesting you leave her to cry, but simply judge the cry. She will not feel abandoned if she is raging. You are in those circumstances responding to her anger.

I personally would not take her into my bed. If you need to camp on her floor so that she relearns re-settling in her own bed as opposed to yours. Just be wary of doing too many different things though, ie if your doing Wi/WO and then take her into your bed or stay with her to resettle her what message are you sending / wanting her to do?

Hena

[Renatapogacnik]

I know it is not ok to do different things, but otherwise if she has EW in the morning at 5.30 i was affraid of OT. Today and yesterday she needed 15 min of WI/WO to fall asleep , when i get in she immediately lay down and calm down, i just stand at the door and i am saying "the phrase". But yesterday and today she WU after 1h of sleeping and as she did not settle i walked in and she layed down and as i walked out she did not cry and she felt asleep. I hope i am on the right way. So if she WU at 5.30 and the WI/WO does not help for how long shoul i do it. Until 6.30 when she usually WU?
Please help, thank you!

[Renatapogacnik]

Still not ok. Today is 10th night, i still have to WI WO 20 min before she falls a sleep. But she WU at around 3am and i have to WI WO. I think she falls a sleep in the evening of tirednes and does not quite get it that i walked out. Today i was quite nervous and i WI and said a little bit louder "now that is enough, you have to sleep or we wont go to the playground tommorow" than i WO and she fellt a sleep without crying. I dont know if this is a good way? But at night she woke up crying and did not settle i Wi and WO, but she kept waking up... I am trully in a bad mood, dont know what else to do, she is just calling me "mommy, mommy" i am tired and in 3 months we are expecting a new baby... Please help!!

[HenaV]

Big big (((hugs))) my lovely.

I know it's tough but it does sound like you're in the right road. Things seem better than they were in your first post. If you are responding to her every whim as opposed to genuine upset/cry (see my earlier posts re: when to respond) then UT will take longer or she may expect you to keep coming no matter what. The idea with WU/WO is to teach is so when LO wake in the night or example they can self settle. If you are going in just because she calls as opposed to her needing you then she will Expect that, whatever time it is.

Hth xx

[Renatapogacnik]

Wel i have to say THANK YOU for all the support. We had two nights sleeping the whole night through! Today was the first evening that i put her into bed after our BT routine and she did not complain at all !! But there was a thunderstorm at night and she woke up and didn not want to go to sleep, everytime she did calm down there was a lightning. I did as always at the begining, but i knew she was scared. What to do in cases like thunderstorm, etc...
Another question, in a week we are going to the seaside with our bigger family, we will be sleeping in the same room with our LD, and we are staying for the whole month, how to be consistent with this night sleeping. Because the house will be ful of family members and i dont want them to thing that i am a bad mother if i dont rush in the room in the evening or if she is crying at night... Do you have any suggestions or experiences? I will stay at the same BT, the same routine, but i thing she will notice that we are sleeping in the same romm. She will have her own bed.

Thank you!

[HenaV]

  I'm so pleased that things are working for you guys. That's a great update.

Re: the thunderstorm, all you can do is be there for her to reassure her. If she's cared and needs her mummy, that's ok. If learns to IS, the odd thunderstorm and having to be with her through it won't undo that. The key is to keep her in her room/ bed even if that men's you have to stay with her because she is scared.

Re: the holiday. That is slightly more tricky given you've only just sleep trained but it is what it is so I wouldn't stress to much and I certainly wouldn't worry about what anyone else thinks. Easier said than done I know. Just remember this, you are her mummy, you know what's best for her and for everyone's well intentioned advice, it is you that is left to deal with the consequences.

Is there anyway of diving the room to effectively separate your LO? Will she be in a bed or travel cot?

If not, then stick with bedtime in the usual way and only respond at night if she needs you and keep her in her own bed. Worse case, if it all goes wrong, you know you can fix it when you get home. Again easier said than done, but try and not worry too much about it while you're away else you'll end up having a not very relaxed holiday. Everything can be fixed!

[Renatapogacnik]

And we are back from our 1 month vacation, and the drama continues... We were all sleeping in the same room and i read her stories until she has fallen a sleep on vacation. She wu max teice a night, but there were few nights that she slep through. Now when we are back for 3 nights i fo the same, but every night she wu more. 1st night twice, today 7 times!!!!! She dleps in her own room and i am shore that this is also a problem after 1 month of sleeping in the same room. I was thinking how to start... I was thinking 1 story and then wo/wi? Should i left the light on? Or mybe buying a small light that projecfs stars on the wall?  Please help. I know that just wo/wi all of a sudden would be a disaster, she would cry histericaly and climb out of the crib...

[HenaV]

Hey!

Breathe!! Right if she was sleeping independently before (which she was) you could do WI/WO but you need to bear in mind for a month you have stayed with her until she fell alseep, so UT maybe tough going.

Re; the night light, if she's had one and reponded well, then yes. If she's not, why do you want to introduce it? Do you think it will help?

I would during the BT windown routine, let her know, mummy's going to read you a story and then your going to snuggle down and have a lovely sleep, and mummy's going to go to her room. And then do it .

Re: the hysterics, that can be anger and frustration of your LO as opposed to upset/distress. This is how I've always managed Wi/WO, see what you think:



(1) BT as normal
(2)Get the 'don't go, I need you mummy' patter from R. My response: No R is time for night nights (or whatever your sleepy phrase is), lay her down and leave shutting the door behind me (she sleeps in the dark with the door closed) ... And let the games begin!!
(3)R will kick off the minute I walk away- stand back and assess. Is the cry upset/distress OR temper/frustration. If it's the latter, do not go in. Hold back. There is a difference IMO between upset and angry cries - don't jump in! If it is the former, implement (4)
(4) go in - put back into bed/ lay down and again say sssh, it time for night nights now - and again leave
(5) again stand back and assess and do not rush in. Only go in if you LO is upset not just angry / frustrated. If you need to go back in, say NOTHiNG - simply put back into bed/lay down and leave
(6) rinse and repeat (5) until he gives in - HE WILL. It may take hours the 1st time, it will take less time the 2nd time and so on until he decides it's just not worth the effort 

Top tip: make sure you have something to occupy you waiting on the landing - Phone, book, game - something that can distract you and stop you rushing in/ going in prematurely. You will be there for a while so be prepared to stay the course and I promise you will crack it - he will relent before you do.

[Renatapogacnik]

Ok, i just have to start, because it is getting worse... I just don't know if the cry is upset/distress OR temper/frustration. What is the difference? How each of them looks like? You have any examples? I assume that temper/frustration eventually turns into upset/distress? You wrote down that it can take hours for the first time, but if the cry is temper/frustration for an hour you just don't go in? What about the classic WI/WO when you go in every time, probably wont work for her, as she is 2y old.
Thank you!