I am worried that my 3 year old does not have a varied diet

[LizzieN]

Hey there, that is tough   The one thing I will say is that if you keep offering and keep eating in front of him he will eventually start trying things, sometimes it just takes forever and it is SO hard in the mean time!!!

Will he eat veggies if they are pureed and he is allowed to use his hands to pick it up?  I'm just wondering if he finds swallowing chunky things difficult (some kids do) and often the meat aversion is more a texture thing too!!

Don't stress too much about the cheese, yoghurt is better anyway (less salt) and you can sweeten it with blended fruits if you are worried about the sugar

Does your LO like gravy, have you tried this?  We found with DD that she liked a little gravy in her mashed veggies (she won't eat it now she is 6 but that's another fussy eating story)...if he will have this you could try shreading some chicken through it really really finely and see if that's ok or not   I also make tuna and potato cakes which my LO loves ( I don't add extra salt and shallow fry in a tiny bit of olive oil), if your LO will eat fish but finds tuna too strong you could try a white meat fish...

My main advice is don't drive yourself nuts worrying, it sounds like he is having a little power struggle with you and you either have to fight it (which is not recommended but we did with DD because she just wouldn't eat) or take a deep breath, excuse them from the table and try try try not to give them something that will reward their behaviour. 

For example if your LO wont eat his meal, offer the alternative that you already have in the fridge (always have a secondary plan, something healthy that you are happy isn't a reward for not eating the first, but something you know he will eat...ie the soup or some veggies and fruit on the same plate), if he still doesn't want it put it away and offer it again if he says he is hungry, if not be confident that you have offered it and he won't starve himself

I know it's hard, so so hard, hang in there and just keep leading by example, you will get there with him
Hugs
Lizzie

[lin7604]

no he won't eat veggies or purred stuff....  he also won't eat gravy, ketchup or any other kind of dip! i wish he did b/c then mayab i could let him dip everything!!!!! he won't eat mashed potatoes either..... only fries....

when he refuse to eat his meals with is every single day!!!!! unless it's chicken nuggets and fries... he would just want yougart, or crackers/cookies..... he eats both of those at lunch b/c that's all he eats!!!!!!  I feel like i'm giving into his bad habit buy giving him more yougart, cookies/crackers when he doesn't eat his dinner......

Today i sent him soup at lunch at daycare and he refused to eat that as well, that's the 3rd time with soup in the past week.  that is one thing he used to love to eat and now is also refusing.....  he only wanted bread with butter they told me and his yougart.  So all day he has eaten, nothing for breakfast..... 1/2 a slice of bread with butter on it, a small mini go yougart for lunch and  2 soda crackers for snack!  not much......we will see what he's like at dinner b/c i'm doing fish sticks today.....

[LizzieN]

Ah gee sweetie that is tough...Look as I said, with our DD we had to fight her (this is not recommended through BW so please don't think I'm advocating) and it was horrible....the only thing I will say is that I am the only one in her life (she is my step daughter) who she will eat new things with because she knows not to try it on with me...
...she eats eggs, porridge, sausages, grapes, rissoles, vegie patties, cucumber, lettuce to name a few only because I introduced them but it is slow slow going and I have also come to know when to push and when to back off (hopefully anyway).

Ok so I would not be feeding your LO chips or nuggets unless it's a very special occasion.  I would ALWAYS feed the healthy option, yoghurt is really good for them as long as it has real fruit and not too much sugar (you can always get natural yoghurt and sweeten it with fruit you have mashed or pureed), also if he likes that kind of consistency have you tried egg yolk custard?  Great with banana mashed through it when it's still hot  I would offer bread for brekkie, some with butter, some with jam and some with another spread that he hasn't tried before and some bite size pieces of fruit.  Fruit for morning tea (something that he likes...hopefully there is some type of fruit that he eats??).  Bite sized pieced of bread for lunch followed by a yoghurt if he eats the bread.  Afternoon tea (I always try and make this a little bit of a treat if LO has eaten well during the day) the crackers or cookies that he likes and then just experiment with dinner, I would start right at the beginning again and start on puree veggies, rice cereal...get a few bites into him if you can, tell him how many bites you want him to have and that he may have dessert if he does (once again something he likes)...

I'm not a big fan of bribing, but I think if you are upfront and set the boundaries it isn't a bribe.  I always tell my DD if there is pudding before we begin dinner and I always let her know how much I expect her to eat of her dinner if she wants some (usually I expect her to finish her meal, but it's taken a loooonnng time to get there)...

Sweetie, I'm not trying to tell you what to do, just hoping that some of this may be of use to you.  Mainly I just want to tell you to hang in there, decide before you begin how far you are prepared to push, what meal you will offer if he won't touch what you have prepared etc....If you do this you will feel more in control and your LO will know that you are in control and that he isn't any more...expect it to be bumpy for a while, but you will get there no matter what path you decide to take

Good luck and keep me posted

Lizzie

[lin7604]

yes i agree about the chips and nuggets 100% but there is nothing else he will eat.... what do you do then.....?  I try not to give it more then once a month or if we happen to go out to eat then that is what is ordered for him. other then that it's what we eat, if he doesn't then "oh well" is what we've been doing....  otherwise he will live off yougart all day!!!!!!!!!!

 The issue mainly is with dinner and he  will NOT eat , he will go to bed hungry!  we have tried saying just one bite, just a nibble, etc and then you can have your cookie, etc. he will look at us and say" all done, i want to go to bed then", etc  he won't give in even for just a tiny nibble just to get the taste of it!

the thing is if i offer him another meal like you suggested he will always protest what we are offereing knowing that he will "get" what he wants in the end!  That is why we were doing the no dinner, then oh well.... i feel bad somedays if i know the rest of the day he didn't eat well either.... but then again so many say well when they are hungry enough they will eat it or try it atleast!  i don't know... such a hard time as i thought he would be eating better by now at 2.5 years, have tried at least one new item since 14 months, but nothing. 

thanks so much for your help and suggestions, don't worry i know your not telling me what to do at all, it's all in my best interest with all your suggestions.  I will try the bred thing with a variety of spreads and see if he will try something new besides butter!

[LizzieN]

Hey I really do feel for you, but you are right he will not starve himself   Perhaps you should offer your main meal at lunch time instead of dinner (sometimes they get more tired and touchy at that time) and give him his daily yogurt then???
I completely understand the chips and nuggets thing, when you go out you scan the menu but there is so little else to order (even with kids who have a more varied diet) and hey I don't have a problem with LOs having a treat, we all do...it's just that with our DD it started to be the only thing she wouldn't turn her nose up at and that gets difficult!!!

Seriously seriously hang in there, it will get better...it often helps when they see other kids eating different things and they do grow and develop SO much so fast, sometimes they must feel like they are on over load and just want what they know and like.  Just a note, "they" say that some children have to be introduced to a food 10 or more times before they develop a taste for it   That is so much isn't it!!!!

Keep chatting and venting here if you want to, I wish I could help but it sounds to me like you have tried everything you can   Just keep smiling, keep offering and occasionally insist (not every meal, not every day or even every week) if you really want him to eat something and you think it's important, find out what your partner thinks too and whether you are on the same page because if you decide to push the issue you both have to be very committed and like minded or it will be horrible and not helpful at all  

Have you noticed your LO will eat more if he has gone swimming or something like that??  Swimming always makes me starving

Keep in touch and let me know how you go
Hugs Lizzie

[Mum to cool dude]

marking for later - The Apprentice has just started 

[LizzieN]

One other thing I was wondering have you ever tried serving the same meal every time until your LO will try it?  For example offer weetbix for breakfast and if your LO won't try it (and tell him he only has to have two bites) serve it up again for his snack, again for lunch, afternoon tea and then dinner, all the time inisiting on only two bites (we even made it into a counting game with DD, my DH would count like the Count on Sesame Street and do the laugh after every bite she took, she loved it and it was a good distraction).....I know it sounds a little mean, but if your LO is having a power struggle with you it might be worth a try, once he has had the two bites then ask what he would like to eat for the rest of his meal...

I would initially choose something that you really think he will like to prove to him that you are asking him to try nice foods...Don't do this every day obviously, so the next day I would offer foods that he is used to and then the next day I would re-offer the food that he (hopefully) tried for you for breakfast again (and throughout the day if he refuses again)...hopefully it won't take as long for him to try it the second and subsequent times.

Once again, this approach may not be for you.  I know that my brother and sister in law have had to do this with all their three kids at some stage (and they are usually good eaters) when the kids decided that they were in control...Oh just one note too, make up two or three plates in case he throws them on the floor 'cause you are likely to get a bit of temper when the same food keeps appearing, especially if he expects you to give in and then you don't.  I don't know if this will help but it may...it does sound a little hard I know and you don't want to turn every meal into a battle, but if you are genuinely concerned that he is not eating enough variety it may help you to establish some control over the situation again

If you do decide to do it, be really calm, don't get frustrated or angry but do insist.  Keep telling him that you have made some nice food for him and it's important for him to grow big and strong - he needs to eat and he needs to trust that you will offer things you think he will like, be open and honest while you are preparing it, tell him what you are making for his breakfast..keep talking to him about it while you are trying to feed him...be cheerful, show him that you like to have a spoonful of the food, smile after you eat it (even fix yourself a plate of it for every meal to if you think it will help), tell him how much Daddy likes it to and how big and strong Daddy is because he likes the food..etc etc...

Once again sweetie, only a suggestion which you can take or leave.  If it doesn't sound right to you, don't do it and if DH doesn't like the idea then don't try it, how you tackle this challenge is so up to you....I tend to be a bit more confrontational with the kids, I'm not great at diversion (although I am trying) and I don't like the kids thinking they can walk all over me, I think that they need some boundaries and that some things are non-negotiable (safety things, some manners etc)..but I also try to be kind and thoughtful and I am trying hard to be a better listener.  I'm just telling you this so you know what sort of parent I am and that my ideas may not sit well with you at all and that is totally fine.  I am in awe of the patience some mums and dads have and am striving to be more patient myself.....

Take care sweetie and keep chatting if it helps
Lizzie

[lin7604]

thanks!  i did do that ..oh probally around 18 months and again at 22 months and it never worked.  He would just NOT eat the entire day!  it has been a bit since i did it last so maybe it's sue time to try it again, as he understands everything very well now.  today at daycare they were having cucumbers and everyone at teh table was eating them but him, i kept telling him "look all your friends are eating them, they are really good, etc" it didn't help.  I was so hopeful that once he started daycare and seeing others eat he would startt to eat what they are eating, etc.  nothing yet and he's been in care for 8 months now... at least i can get him to eat a grilled cheese sandwich now... just took 1 year!  I thin i will give it a go on the weekend as i'm in control all day with meals and see if i can make any progress..... thanks again for all your help, ideas, etc i look forward to reading your suggestions as i'm willing to try anything!!!!!!

[LizzieN]

Hey if he is eating grilled cheese that is great Will he eat little blocks of cheese too?

I wouldn't worry too much about the cucumber sweetie, he will improve with things like that over time.  Do you have anywhere you can grow veggies or fruit?  Nothing like getting your LO to plant a strawberry bush or a carrot (you can do them in pots), see them grow, then pick them fresh.  Our DD finally ate a bit of strawberry at 6 yo only because she grew it and her 8 month old baby brother was eating one   they are funny little bunnies!!

Ok so if your LO eats grilled cheese sandwiches, maybe you could try a little cheese bake with potatoes (since he will eat fries), keep it simple, just cheese sauce (no garlic or onions or anything) and potato...might work if he likes cheese (they are pretty yummy together)??

The other thing I am wondering is how much millk your LO is drinking and if you could cut it RIGHT back (say one bottle at night) on the day when you are trying to introduce the new food....gosh I sound so mean, but it would mean he really was hungry at meal times rather than filling up on the milk.  I wonder if your LO has a small appetite naturally (lucky thing)

Good luck sweetie
Lizzie

[lin7604]

no he won't eat cheese in any other shape or form   I have tried cheese whiz on numerous  things, cheese slices, squares, sticks, you name it.  I have tried mac and cheese.  nope.  he's just picky!  the same thing with rice, he will eat it in soup but only soup!
  I am going to try the next time to stick a very thin piece of ham into it and see it he sees it, b/c he really looks and checks out his food before he bites into it, so i hope it's thin enough that he can't see it with the cheese melted.....
yes we have a garden, and will be planting again at the end of may.  I hoped last year that i woudl get him to eat something from it, seeingme pick peas and eat them, etc but nope.  maybe this year i will have sucess....

he does eat lots when it's something he like. like tonight he wanted a nutella sandwich and he ate 2 whole sandwiches and a big bowl of strawberries. that was dinner..... as he refused to eat anything and hardly ate all day so i gave in!

[LizzieN]

I think as boring as it sounds to your palate I would stick to what he likes then, do your cheese toasties for him (they can find ham difficult if their teeth don't line up exactly, so maybe shread it before you put it on the toast if you decide to do a little subterfuge!), do the yogurt, do the fruit, do your soups and don't worry too much....
...Oh and watch trying to trick them, they seem to be able to sniff out something different like you wouldn't believe!!!

If I were you I would go one of two ways (I know I've said this before):

a. Push the food thing and keep bringing the same meal back for AS long as it takes him to eat the 2 bites you have asked for, and I'm talking overnight and into the next day if you have to (it sounds mean, but if you start that fight you will have to win it....giving in just isn't an option), or

b. Stop feeling guilty, try and keep what you feed him as nutritionally sound as possible, feed him what he likes but also what you want him to eat.  Take control and offer him a choice of his grilled cheese on toast or the soup that he eats and let him pick (don't let him push you around on this, it's one or the other)...be strong, keep putting a couple of different things on his tray too (sometimes/occasionally a real treat like a jelly bean or something...they love it when it's something special that they don't normally get) for him to have a look at and a smell and a feel if he wants to, if not don't worry...the curiosity will eventually kick in
I honestly think that you have tried so hard that I would probably do b. and stop worrying at least for a while!!  They really do eat like birds sometimes, but they do ok.  If you are concerned you can get vitamin supplements for LOs too I just think you need to take the pressure off yourself for a while and relax, if your LO is gaining ok and looking well and has heaps of energy he will be fine

Keep chatting sweetie, I'm here for you
Lizzie

[lin7604]

ya thanks, i think i will take plan B and relax.  he is fine in the weight dept, and has more then enough energy.... it's just frustrating when it's been a year and only tried one new food item???

[LizzieN]

Yeah I can completely understand how frustrating it must be, but it doesn't reflect on you sweetheart....you are doing a great job and preparing healthy nutritious options as best as you can, that is great   If it continues on too long, I would probably try pushing again and see if you have more success as you don't want it to go on forever...but the association between meals and anxiety just doesn't seem worth it at the moment. 

I know when I am feeling a certain way I always want the same types of food, it's comforting and makes you feel safe and secure and satisfied...no reason to think kids are any different. Just keep offering little bits of something different in addition to the food he will eat at his meals and don't even mention it.  May be one day when you walk into the room you will get a huge shock because they have dissapeared too   I hope!!!!

Huge smiles and supportive hugs
Lizzie

[lin7604]

LOL ya i can hope

[nwmm]

Want to read tomorrow!!!