How to overcome the 45 minute monster - especially at night!!!

[jm2006]

I'm new to this site, and have just started the babywhisperer techniques with my 7 week old daughter.  Up till now she's been sleeping in our bed or in a bassinette next to the bed.  I never planned to do that, but she seemed to be such a restless sleeper it ended up being easier to keep her calm if she was close.  Now I am transitioning her to her crib (started yesterday) and have run into the 45 minute startle.  She sleeps fine in the crib, but when she startles at the 45 minute mark it is very difficult to keep her sleeping.  Yesterday during naps I stayed in the room pretty much all day, and held her arms tight for about an hour after the 45 minute mark.  Last night she was doing the same thing, and I managed to keep up with her till about 4:30AM - at which point I had had next to no sleep, so I pulled her back into bed with me.  I know, bad thing to do...  She seems to have a really hard time getting past this 45 minute thing, and there's no way I can stand next to her all the time.  Are there any suggestions?  I've tried swaddling her before but she hates it and screams until I unswaddle her.  I was thinking I would try that again during naps today and maybe it would help?  Should I do it when she is still quite awake during wind down time, or should I wait till her eyes are dropping?  Also, how long is the REM sleep at 45 minutes supposed to last?  She seems to be in a light sleep for a long time (40+ minutes).  She is on a 3hr EASY routine and doing quite well - its just the 45 minute thing thats killing me...

All help is appreciated!!

Jennifer

[avery's momma]

hi- we battled that monster all day yesterday (except for first morning nap), and i am kind of dreading today but here's how i swaddle.. at first, she didn't want to have her arms in, but it is best for her, and she has adjusted to it, and it helps her calm herself down... i suggest swaddling after you see a yawn, or when she is relaxed.

at naptime, after a yawn, i go into our room (her bassinet is in there for now), and walk over to the blinds, and say, goodnight sunshine, we love you, we'll see you soon. then i lay her down on her blanket on our bed and tuck in her left arm saying, goodnight left arm, i love you, i'll see you soon, same with little feet, then right arm, then i pick her up, put her in her bed, and as i am laying her down, i say, goodnight, avery, i love you, i'll see you soon. sometimes i lay my hand on her chest to settle her for a min, then i walk out of the room. we have a video monitor and it is wonderful bc i get to see her fall asleep! (sometimes in minutes!) we have an air purifier that makes a nice white noise that helps i think..
at bedtime, have tried the bath but i think it over stimulates her. i always feed in our bedroom (i used to feed in the den while trying to watch a movie or show and that never worked! too overstimulating). after the feed and the burp, i massaged her with lavendar johnsons bedtime baby lotion, but i think i will try the massage, then change, then feed for tonight.. it seems to work best for her to have the feed last. hope this helps.. i am still learning! (this is our first baby)  good luck
as far as the monster goes, i am going to try the wake to sleep method at the next nap (we are past it on this nap) and we'll see how it goes. have you tried that method? (going in at 40 mins and waiting for it or rousing them so they make it over the startle in a different sleep state).. i think that's how it works, but there is more on wake to sleep on this website, so i would read the official stuff before trying it, as i have yet to try it personally. hope you get some sleep!! (and your daughter too)

[jm2006]

Thanks for your post - its good to know I'm not alone!!  I tried the swaddle on her morning nap and she went down fine, but predictably fussed at the 45 min mark.  I was going to go in
& try to gently wake her, but was about a minute too slow  .  The pat/shhh and arm holding really didn't work this time - she's currently 30 minutes past the wake-up, still squirming, and in my arms!!  I wish she would take a paci, as that might help, but we've tried all kinds and she hates them all. 

How long is it supposed to take to sleep train & get them past the 45 min wakup?  It is just so time consuming...  I mean, if we start wind-down at 10:00, she falls asleep by 10:15, I have to stay in the room for 20 mins, till 10:35, then have to come back in at 10:55 and try to keep her sleeping.  If I'm successful I might get out of the room by 11:15ish, if not (like now!) it might take till her next feed!  This is just so impractical, especially at night!  Am I doing this wrong???

Jennifer

[Messa]

Hey just wanted to suggest something for paci are you giving her the one suggested for her age, if so try going up a size that is what worked for my sisters LO and my LO (I didn't want her to have one but that is the only way I could get her to sleep anywhere but on my chest and now she doesn't need it and she is almost 6 months old)

[avery's momma]

i don't know that i would do anything different, sometimes my lo does great falling back asleep, and sometimes she doesn't. i have found that the only consistent thing that makes her wake up at the 45 min mark is either: a) overtired (like she was up too long in that E/A time, or even the one before.. a vicious cycle) b) she was overstimulated.. like when her daddy gets up in her face and talks too much!.. try a very low-key A time. i just put my lo on the couch and i sit beside her and let her look and wiggle. sometimes i don't even talk to her. our cycle that we just had, she was only up for 20 mins, including a feeding, and she started to squirm and fuss, and i thought she had gas, i held her, and looked down and her eyes were closed! so sometimes, i think we expect them to stay awake longer than they want to.. and sometimes i mis-read her sleepy cues. so, it could be that she is overstimulated or overtired. i read on one page in here that someone tried to extend A time by 10 mins.. sometimes that works for me, and sometimes, it is too much. so, sorry if this is not really giving you answers... i know you must be exhausted. and i can see how impractical this would be for nighttime. my lo doesn't like the paci either, and i let her suck on my index finger (soft side up) and she likes that. i can stand over her bassinet and wait 10 mins until she is calm, or asleep (depending on my stamina) and that helps to soothe her. if your lo has been crying for 45 mins, i read somewhere that she may have traded her sleepy cry for a hungry cry, as they have burned off the calories from the previous feeding, so you might try feeding her again if she is wailing. and last, but not least, i will resort to a bad sleep prop (like driving her around, or walking her in our baby bjorn) just so she can get some sleep, and i hope that the sleep is better for her than the sleep prop's damage to our training. i just think that sometimes the sleep is worth it, as an overtired baby has a hard time winding down. (i may get shot down for recommending that to you, but sometimes and exhausted mom's gotta do what an exhausted mom's gotta do) sorry for the rambling. hope something in here helps and that you are encouraged to know that there are other exhausted moms out there.. and as my husband keeps reminding me... "she is just a baby. and she's trying to figure it all out too"let me know what works/doesn't good luck