Changing bedtime routine for 9 month old

[lotti]

Hello

I have posted here a few times ... we are again struggling with my little boys sleeping, and I need some advice on re-jigging his bedtime routine. Currently he is waking at least once a night for a breastfeed, and won't go back to sleep without it. If he wakes a second time, my dh can usually rock him back to sleep. I can live with the night wakings (they were 5+ a night a couple of months ago) if he would go back to sleep on his own - but he doesn't!

We have so many problems with sleep that I don't really know where to start! I think the root cause is his lack of independant sleep skills. Although he used to put himself to sleep in his cot following his bedtime routine, he now doesn't (not since 6 months old  ). My question really is how to change round his routine to get him going to sleep alone in his cot at bedtime. I will work on the night wakings from there. My little sausage is, and always has been, a sleep fighter - he seems to hate going to sleep, too much to miss out on! He is what the BW would call a 'touchy' baby in the extreme! He won't sleep in his cot during the day, either, but that's another story....

His routine goes as follows:-

06.30/07.00 Awake, breastfeed
08.00 Breakfast
09.30/10.00 Nap of between 40 mins - 1.5 hrs
11ish breastfeed & snack
12.30ish lunch
14.30/15.00 Nap, usually not more than 30 mins, can't extend it!
15.30ish breastfeed (although he seems to be weaning himself off this) & snack
17.00 Dinner
17.30 - 18.30 Quiet time, books then upstairs for playing on mummy & daddy's bed and waiting for daddy to get home
18.30 bath with daddy (usually)
18.45/19.00 breastfeed
19.15/19.30 Put in cot, asleep. If wakes, dh rocks back off to sleep.

He will scream if left on his own in his cot at nighttime awake, although he will play in it quite happily during the day. I don't know how to change it so he is awake after his feed - he will take a big feed at bedtime that usually sees him through to 1am.

I have tried putting him to bed earlier, this results in a wrestling match at bedtime and an earlier morning wake up ... Also, I used to pull him off my breast before he fell totally asleep - but recently, this also results in a wrestling match and some serious screaming.

Another thing is he weighs 25lbs now (big boy!) and his cot is on the lowest setting as he stands up in it - so PU/PD is not an option as I can't physically do it! I don't want dh to do it as he is away quite a lot with work so I need to able to manage it myself.

So, a catalogue of disasters really! Any bedtime change round ideas very gratefully received.

Thanks
Charlotte

[Jaime]

hi Charlotte,

i agree - i think he needs to review his self-soothing skills... and i think that nursing-to-sleep association needs to be broken as well.  at 9 months, he really doesn't need it in the middle of the night.  the rocking has become a prop too.  as a touchy, he really needs a good wind-down routine and lots of consistency (like sleeping in his bed for all sleep times)

here is a great post about breaking the feeding-to-sleep association:
https://babywhispererforums.com/index.php?topic=52857.0

i know you said you don't want to do pu/pd, but i really can't think of any other way to break all those old sleep associations & build new ones.... maybe you & your dh could trade nights - you do one night & he does the next night (for however many wakings there are).  or maybe he does it whenever he is home.  (maybe you can stand on a chair??    )  the folks over on the pu/pd board can give you much better advice on how to start out.

now, crying.... it stinks.  it hurts your ears.  it makes your spine shudder.  it's happening becasue he doesn't understand why you want to change things.  this is why for whatever plan you make, you need to make the decision to stick to it and see it through. 

anyhow, sorry i don't have more for you but hopefully that points you in a direction to start!!