27 month old fussy eater!

[J & J's Mum]

Hi,

My DS is 27 months old and such a picky eater.  He has always been really.  He loves certain food and more or less has the same all the time.

I've made a rod for my own back really!  I've always prepared seperate meals for him, meat and veg disguised with mashed potato on the top.  Now, he won't eat veg on it's own, or meat!  He loves mashed potato though.  He won't eat any fruit now, which he did.  He just keeps asking for yoghurt!   He totally refused his breakfast this morning, so he's gone off to playgroup hardly eating anything!  They do give them snacks mid-morning though.  I feel like I'm taring my hair out, I really do.  I dread meal times!!

I suppose really, I don't give him the chance to try new things becasue I know he will just refuse them, so I will end up doing him something else that's quick. Should I give him the same as us? 

[franchick]

Not much advice to give, but lots of sympathy hugs. Our DD (25 months old) would only eat pasta and fruit if we 'let her'. Luckily for us, though, she eats pretty much anything put in front of her at nursery, which she goes to 4 mornings a week.

 TBH, I can't be bothered with fights and arguments over tea-time, so what I do is prepare some yummy pasta thing that she will love (I have been gradually adding different things into the sauce that goes with it, so she is getting some variety), and offer her bits and pieces from the main dinner - if she tries it, great, if not, no big deal. If she does try something new, I ask her if it was yummy. She normally says yes! I don't go over the top with praise as I find this actually puts her off.

So, if it was me, I would probably just put lots of different things with mashed potato and yogurt, like you have done, even if it is only 1 teaspoon at a time, almost like weaning him again.

However, I know that there is a lady on this site (Taygensmom or something... sorry if I got that wrong!) who is something of an expert when it comes to picky eaters. I think her advice would be something like putting the main meal on his plate along with something you know he will eat, even if it is just a tiny bit, and letting him get on with it, but she will probably give you a great reply that will help you much more than mine!

Hugs again.

[taygensmom]

Hi! A few questions for you: what is your LOs eating/snacking and drinking schedule. Does he drink milk/juice in between or with/after meals? What are the foods that he pretty much will always (or usually) eat. What do you do when he doesn't eat well or requests yogurt? Does he refuse all new foods or sometimes try them and then the next day refuse??? Does he gag when trying new foods or seem fine? Is he underweight or doing fine wieght wise?

I think you will find many different opinions on this site regarding eating and how to set up healthy eating habits for your LO. My personal opinion is based on what works best for my family, and on my experience in working with "picky eaters". I tend to have a more structured view on feeding and setting up an environment that promotes healthy eating habits, but some have a much more laid back approach, adn if that works for your family, that's great.

In general for a LO who has no medical or sensory issues, I would recommend serving what you as a family are having. You could include a small side of a specially prepared food that your LO likes, but I would just keep it pretty small and remember that your LOs stomach is tiny so what is small to us is pretty big to them. You could also try giving less mashed potatoes mixed with more meat/veggies so he starts to get used to tasting the actual meat and veggies more, as well as providing some separately. Whatever "new"foods you do provde I would jsut make sure they are cut into very small pieces (less intimidating to your LO when they have never tried it before)

I do feel that both LOs and parents have "responsibilities" surrounding mealtimes. Your responsibilities are to serve healthy food choices and decide when and where snacks/meals are eaten. Your LO's responsibility is to decide what he eats from the choices provided and how much he eats. Again, some families do give their LOs more of what I have termed the "parent's responsibilities", as far as what they eat, when they eat, etc... and if that works for them and their LO is eating a varied, healthy diet that is great. But some LOs will instead limit their diet severely, or develop eating habits that aren't healthy.

So during mealtimes with our LO we just offer him his healthy choices and let him decide what and how much he wants to eat. We actually always offer veggies as an appetizer when he is really hungry before everyone sits down for the "main" meal (could be cooked veggies, frozen veggies, etc...) and then after he has eaten some veggies (from a choice of 2) we offer the main meal and just let him go and eat whatever he wants from what we are eating. He is now very used to this "routine" and does well with it.

So really with a typical child most will adjust if offered healthy food choices and given the powen to decide if they will eat and how much. Most typical children will not starve, although they may really fight it for a few days. But really that is to be expected. Children love routine and get used to a certian dynamic about meals, and if you try to change it it is just like everything else, there will be an adjustment period that will be difficult. I have found that if you just stick it out and don't offer the alternate foods (i.e. yogurt) then eventually your LO will get used to the new routine and find new foods that he is willing to try (you can of course be more flexible with treats and preferred foods one they get used to a new routine). So if he is demanding yogurt or refusing his meal I would personally jsut respond with a calm "these are your choices right now" or "Oh, I see you're not hungry right now" (if refusing the meal) and then just leave it alone. If he compeltely refuses I would avoid commenting at all on how he is not eating well/has to try new things. I would just end the meal normally and go on with your day until the next snack/meal. If he is requesting food in between I would again respond calmly with a "it's not time to eat right now" with no blame or comment on how he should have eaten earlier, etc... And really you will just have to ride out the tantrums at first, and it does get easier!!!

These are of course suggestionf for a typical eater who has maybe become "picky", not for a LO with medical, sensory issues, or weight issues. HTH!!!

[J & J's Mum]

Hi,

Thank you so much for your advice.  I really appreciate it.

He has some juice when he wakes up, breakfast about 1 hour later(normally cereal.  This morning I gave him Sugar Puffs, thinking that he would like them and he just pushed the bowl away and screamed until he got his Rice Krispies.  This did coincide with his Daddy leaving for work though, so I think that's why he was upset)  I've tried him with egg and other brekkie foods but just point blank refuses!  He loves sausages and spaghetti hoops, but that's not much for breakfast!  He has a small snack at playgroup (he goes 3 mornings a week) but when he comes home at 12.30, sometimes he's too tired for his lunch.  He'll have a nap then and then wake up and have a snack.  He loves apples, but he'll eat a bit and then scream for cake or a biscuit!  I try not to give in, but it's so hard.  I try and distract him.  He has his dinner at 5.15-5.30, sometimes a few spoonfuls, sometimes more, but then he'll ask for yoghurts.  It's almost like he associates sitting at the table in his seat with getting a yoghurt.  He just turns around in his seat and keeps asking for yoghurt.

He drinks throughout the day and  has a bottle of milk before bed.  He used to have a biscuit, but I give him a bowl of dry cereal now and say that's his biscuits.  I offer him juice with his meal.

He never refuses anything with mashed potato, he loves minced meat and veg with mash on the top, fish pie, fish fingers, chicken nuggets, sausages, spaghetti hoops, spaghetti bol (pasta cut up), jacket potato (I've been mixing different things up in the potato and spooning it back in to the jacket)  I'm going to try him with a tomato and veg sauce and pasta.  I've found some small pieces of pasta that I think he'll eat.  I suppose it is quite a variety that he eats, he just has a few spoonfuls and pushes the dish away requesting a yoghurt.  A couple of times, my Mum has stayed and she has given his dinner and he's eaten it.  He ate a lot when his cousin came over for the day. 

He does seem to refuse new foods.  I have started to put a little bit of veg on his plate with his dinner.  He had a small nibble of carrot yesterday.

He isn't underweight and has no medical/sensory problems and doesn't gag at foods.

I know that I've created this problem, but I desperately need help.

[franchick]

Me again (non expert!!). It may be that some of the 'issues' you are experiencing are control related in that he will eat more / different things when other people are around, but asks for yoghurt when you are there - this is perfectly normal and is his way of exerting his control in his family. 

Again, if it was me (not the expert, remember.....!!), I would probably try and find more opportunities for other LOs to come over for tea, such as his cousin, so that he can see other children eating which encourages him to try different things.

I certainly think this is why our Katie eats all her food at nursery - she sees other tots having the same thing and wants to join in. She also eats more / different things when her cousin is around.

As I already said, I can't be bothered with fights over mealtimes, so I would rather present the other opportunities as often as I can than cause trauma (even if small!) in our family dynamic.

The things you are doing re putting a little bit of veg on his plate sound great to me - I wee nibble of carrot is great!

This is pretty much what I am trying to do as well, and it definitely seems to be working, albeit quite slowly - the other day, Katie had chicken, sweetcorn, beans and tomatoes (yes, a weird combo, but whatever works, right?) - things that she hasn't really eaten much of before, so I was well chuffed!

The advice that taygensmom has given you is really great - and, as she says, it all depends on your family philisophy as to what you want to try.

Maybe you should try deliberately / accidentally running out of yoghurt so that your LO, if he wants to eat, will have to have something else (this is perhaps a bit manipulative, but is something I tried with Katie when she went through a 'jelly / jello' phase - I kept showing her that the stock in the fridge was getting lower and lower until it ran out - after that, she ate something else - whew!! Can backfire a little, though, when they 'insist' that you go to the shop to buy more - I guess you would know if this type of thing would work for you).

Or, you could just have a yoghurt chucking out party - get your LO to help put all the yoghurts in the bin in a fun way to celebrate trying new things to eat - I saw this on TV once and, although I thought it was a little drastic, it really worked and within a few days, the little boy was eating loads of different things he had never tried before.

One other thing - you say he drinks through the day - is this water or juice or milk? I find that if Katie just has water (which she loves) and not juice or milk, she is more willing to tuck into her meals.

Oh, one more final thing (!) - I think that the variety your LO is eating is pretty good too - I think if you can come up with a little plan that YOU / your LO are comfortable with, then you will be able to achieve what you want to do.

Best wishes and hugs. xx

[J & J's Mum]

Hiya,

Thanks for your advice.  It totally makes sense.  I think he knows that he can push me!! I need to be stronger!

He does have juice throughout the day.  Maybe I should give him juice at his meal and water throughout the day?

I'm going to start giving him what we're eating for meals with a little of what I know he likes and gradually introduce more veggies.  It's dificult though, his Dad doesn't get home from work til late sometimes.  So, if I eat with him on those days that might work? 

I wish they came with a manual when we have them!!!!!!

Thanks again.

xx

[franchick]

Jacobs Mum

If Dad doesn't come home till later some nights, then yes, I would eat with your LO, even if you only have a small portion and then have more when Dad is home - eating is a very social thing and he will learn a lot from you.

It certainly is worth trying just water between meals for a few days and see if this helps any - if not, then I wouldn't worry about this too much.

Yeah - a manual that got everything right all of the time would be great - shame this is impossible!!

Good luck!

xx

[J & J's Mum]

Right then!  I prepared a jacket potato (I scooped the potato out and mixed it with some diced chicken (very small) and sauce).  He sat at the table, didn't even taste it and requested his yoghurts.  I put a little on a fork and he ate it, but that's all.  He's been to playgroup this morning and had a few apple slices and a biscuit.  So, I said he couldn't have a yoghurt, so then he said "bed" so I've put him down for his nap!!!!

I really don't know what to do!!

[franchick]

Oh well, if he chose not to eat it but to go to bed without his yoghurt, that's his choice really! At least he tried it. If you think the potato can be salvaged, maybe offer it to him after his nap? (I have to sya, that potato sounds very nice right at the moment.... yum... yum).

If not, try something else for a late lunch that you think he might be willing to have a go at.

At least it sounds like he didn't make a massive fuss about not having his yoghurt, which I think is a good thing.

A LO can survive for an amazing length of time on some apple slices and a biscuit..... 

Maybe, if you don't think the potato or any other meal option will work post-nap, you could offer a wee plate with all sorts of healthy finger foods on it - just cut up whatever you have in the house and let him pick away for 20 mins or so - whatever he has will be enough to keep him going. Maybe some carrots, bread and butter, apple or banana, raisens, cheese, chicken slices, tomatoes, whatever....

At one of the play centres we go to, they do this sort of thing and Katie always surprises us with trying something new. 

[J & J's Mum]

He must of had 1/2hr sleep then woke up crying, so I've got him up and prepared a few things....cracker, 2 mini breaksticks, strip cheese (he doesn't like cheese but I keep trying) 1 small sos roll cut in half and a piece of billy bear meat..fingers crossed

[franchick]

Absolutely - fingers crossed from me too. Poor wee man - must be hungry after all - I'm sure he will have *something* from your yummy selection...

[taygensmom]

Hi again! A few thoughts on your routine:

First, does he need the juice in the morning. Instead can you offer him water or give him his breakfast earlier? I say that because juice is an appetite suppresant (did I spell that right???), which can likely affect breakfast intake.

When he comes home from his playdates if he is too tired for lunch, why don't you start offering him a late lunch after his nap instead of a snack? This will give you more opportunities to get him used to foods that your and your DH typically eat for meals. Then offer his dinner a little later than you typically do. So a routine that may work well is something like this: Breakfast/liquid at 7:30 (not sure what time he wakes up), VERY small snack/liquids at 9:30, lunch at 12:00 (when no playdates), VERY small snack/liquids at 3:00 or after nap (late lunch instead on days when has playdates), dinner at 6:00. You really do want to try for at least 3 hours between each meal/snack (this includes milk/juice) or you will be working against yourself because he really won't be that hungry to eat (the morning snack is the exception cuz you want it closer to breakfast than to lunch. Some just cup out this morning snack all together but this is up to you).

I really think that the drinking throughout the day is also decreasing his motivation to eat, specifically drinking the milk and juice. Instead, I would offer milk and diluted juice with meals/snacks (part way through if he "guzzles" it at the beginning) and then before bed. In between I would just offer water. Not sure how much milk he is drinking in a 24 hour period, but really he only needs a max of 16 to 20 oz. (and that includes foods containing calcium!!)

It seems that you are also very concerned if he refuses or skips a meal. I just want to assure you that if, as you say, you have a typical toddler with no weight, medical, or sensory issues, that he will not starve. If you really do want to change his eating habits, you really have to adopt the mentality that it is OK if he refuses some meals, otherwise you will not only worry yourself to death, but your LO will also pick up on this and you will have a real battle on your hands!!

I agree that your goal is to avoid "mealtime battles". But I have to say that in order to get to that point and to the point where your LO will accept food choices from what you have provided without a "battle", you are going to have to go through an adjustment period with some tantrums. As a mommy you need to decide if this is worth following through on. I personally think that it is, as once you have established a better routine and eating habits, you will have much less of a battle than you do now. So to me it is worth a week of toughing out some tantrums in order to get to a place where your Lo is eating healthy choices and is able to pick from options you have given him and foods you as a family eat.

So if you think you can give it a week of commitment you may be surprised by what you see!!!! If you do decide to go forward, I would suggest for that week eliminating the foods that have become "backup" foods (i.e. the yogurt). This doesn't mean you have to eliminate them forever by any means, but at the beginning if you have these foods availablee to your LO it will make it that much harder on him and you until you get a routine established. So instead just offer what you guys are eating (with a VERY small portion of his mashed potatoes if you want) and then other alternative healthy snack choices. Cut new foods up small and don't be afraid to be creative (i.e. veggies can be in the form of raw carrot sticks, cooked carrots, frozen carrots, etc....) Just expose him to as many different foods as possible and let him choose what he wants to eat. And remember, if he refuses some meals it will be OK! He likely will at the beginning, as you are changing a dynamic that has been strongly established. Just stick out the tantrums and don't make it a "battle" in the sense that he has to eat to leave the table, ect... If he doesn't want it, say OK and move on with your day. If he wants a "snack" later before the next scheduled meal or snacktime, offer him the meal he refused earlier and if he refuses again, say OK.

Hope this helps! You sound like a very loving and concerned mommy! Give it a try and see how it goes!

[franchick]

Great advice from taygensmom! (thank you as I am going to try some of your ideas)

Just wanted to say, in case what I said came out wrong, I do not mean to imply that by making a change you are definitely setting yourself up for a battle - I think if change is approached in a respectful way, then frustrations can be kept to a minimum.

The point about deciding whether your LO's reaction to change is worth it is extremely valid. Why else would we put ourselves through anything that involved change if we didn't believe in the end result?

Sounds like you have made a good start today and will just have to see how it goes.

One last thing, before I stop talking.... .... I have to say that if it were me, I wouldn't NOT have any yoghurt available - sure, for a few days you might 'run out', but it clearly is a food he likes so you might just want to have it at times that you feel are appropriate e.g. in your head, the plan for today is that he will have X for breakfast, X for snack, X for lunch and tea and yoghurt for afternoon snack, or whatever. I think this would (again, if it were me) alleviate my own fears about him not having much to eat, but that is more about me than about my LO or your LO!! I have definitely learnt from experience that my LO will not starve herself. I have also learnt that, with my LO, the less resistance I put up, the less resistance she puts up, but, again, this depends on your own LO - you know him best.

OK, I am finished, believe it or not! 

[J & J's Mum]

Thank you both so much for your advice.  I shall certainly give it a go
x