22mts. Why is bad to give milk in the bottle?

[lastcall]

After reading many of your posts I started wandering if I was making a pile of mistakes.
My DD, like all toddlers, has phases where she will eat a lot or nothing, but my concerns are MILK and BEHAVIOUR.

She LOVES her milk and itīs a life saver when she refuses food because sick. Her typical day will be:

06:30 wake up and play on her own in the crib
07:00 Mum will give her a bottle of 240ml whole milk with cereals in the crib as breakfast so she can get ready to go to work
09:30 Fruit snack at nursery
11:00 wholegrain bread or pasta with veggie or poultry/fish with veggie( she loves broccoli and carrots)
12:00 Nap ( from 1 to 2 hrs)
14:30 Snack Rice cake or soft bread roll with butter and milk in a cup
16:00 Fruit
18:00 Dinner tantrum ( usually very little is accepted unless I make an omlette, give her mozzarella or tortellini pasta)
18:30 Bath
19:00 240 whole milk with cereals and bedtime

Now my questions:
1) Why is so bad to give milk by the bottle?
I canīt deny it that I find it convenient in the morning because otherwise I have to waist at least 30 min  to convince her to eat something which she does not want. And at night is likewise convenient because it fills her before bedtime avoiding nightwakings.
If I wean her off from the bottle what will she eat when she is sick?

2) Is it wrong to offer different food when the first is not accepted?

3) And last...I cannot possibly convince her to sit to eat at the table for more than 5 min. I end up running with the food behind her and I HATE it... But eventually she eats in that way. She will stay 5 min longer at the table if we are eating all together but 18:00 is a bit too early for us, or if we put the pc on the table with the teletubbies dvd.
Shall I give up now to give in later when she can better understand why she has to be at the table?

Pls tell me what I am doing wrong and why.
LCC

[Texomamama]

First off, don't be so hard on yourself  .  Everything you mention sounds pretty common to me.  Here is my take.  I only have one child, DD who is 19 mo, so I am no "expert", but here goes....

1. The concern about giving a bottle past 12 months (or 15 or 22 months or whatever) is that if you give a child a bottle, particularly in bed, and they lay there nursing it for say, an hour, then the milk can pool in their mouth leading to cavities (as opposed to drinking it more quickly from a sippy cup).  Personally, I think if you give your little one a bottle, and they drink it relatively quickly, then that is no different than a cup.  So, it probably depends on how quickly your lo drinks it, not the actual milk delivery tool itself.

2. I always offer a back up plan if the first meal is rejected.  Some might disagree, but my DD is very tiny, so having her skip a meal to teach her a point is just not an option I want to pursue.  Now, her second option is always something simple (yogurt, fruit cup etc), it's not like a cook an entire second meal for her. 

3. I sometimes do the same thing as you (chase DD around and literally shove food in her mouth).  Again, I do this b/c the alternative of having her not eat is not acceptable to me.  Now, having said this, I readily admit that this has led to a slow and gradual decline in her ability to sit still in her chair while eating, so the compromise I make is to require her to sit for at least one meal and preferably two.

[shark]

Once those teeth come in, mos dentists agree, bottles should go to avoid problems with buck teeth and narrow palates.  A 2 year old really doesn't need to drink from a bottle.  At the very least she should transition to a sippy cup.  I don';t think there's anything wrong with having a drink of milk in the AM or at bedtime (just make sure you brush those pearly whites before puttingher to bed)..is there any reason she couldn't have her milk in a sippy cup?

As for questions 2 and 3 I think it is a matter of parenting preference.  My personal opinion is that a child should eat what's offered and not have an endless menu at home.  Mommy's kitchen shouldn't be a restaurant.  Though I agree that a simple alternative is an acceptable compromise
I believe (and this is just my own opinion) that learning to sit at the table is an important social skill.  I would feed her at the table only.  If she gets up, the meal is done and she can wait until the next meal/snack time to eat.  I think she'll eventually get the idea. Most kids will regulate their own intake so if they come up short one meal they may eat more the next.  Also, eating on the move does pose a choking hazard so I would definitely avoid that.

I hope this has been helpful.  It's mostly just my personal beliefs/biases so take what you will from it.

[We Three]

I agree with that Shark. 

Lastcall...I know that it can be scary when our lo's refuse food, and it's hard to remind ourselves of this, but truly, she will not starve herself. I agree that sitting to eat a meal is a very imporatnt skill, and one that our lo's need to master.  Plus, on a different level, she is kind of running the show there, getting you to chase her, and I find that troublesome.  Don't mean to offend in any way, just my honest opinion.

May I ask...does your dd use a highchair?  Our dd is still in hers at 2.5....and I have no immediate plans to remove it. We were at a barbeque this weekend, and she sat a little table with a little chair, and between almost every bite, she went to get up to go play. Totally understandable, of course...but I knew she was hungry (we are fairly routine, it was nearly 7pm and she hadn't eaten since snack at 3:30) and knew she was getting up because she "could".  At home we sit together, minimal distraction except for music sometimes, and she happily gobbles up whatever we put it front of her.  That experience made me see that I am not ready for the highchair to go just yet.

How does you dd handle eating when she is in nursery?  Does she sit and eat? What is the nursery policy about sitting while eating?

Lastly...I think it's important to allow the child *some* control over regulating when they have had enough to eat. (within reason, of course, for example I have to stop my dd sometimes when she asks for her 4th or 5th helping of fruit...I truly believe she would eat fruit until she exploded!)  If the cereal your eats is healthy, and she is eating her veggies that she likes, plus the fish/poultry etc...I would be ok with that.   ??  Some toddlers don't have anywhere near that variety!

 

[lastcall]

Many many imputs in your answers. Thanks.

Itīs true that she goes down from her chair because she "can" and because I am not consistent enough. She has the " stokke" chair but with no strap.  At nursery she has the same chair without strap but because all the children are at the table she is happy to be there.
Maybe I can put the strap back on and pretend to eat with her....letīs see.

Regarding milk, the reason why is not from a sippy cup is because otherwise she does not drink it at all.
During the day she has water, milk  and diluited juice from the sippy or from a normal glass with no problems, but not at bedtime. She gets her bedtime milk on the sofa like is going out of fashion...3 minutes and is all gone ! Itīs the routine she likes...and of course we brush her teeth after the milk before saying goodnight to the toys.
Do we need to change this?

[We Three]

Yes, I think it's worth a try to put the strap back on and sit down with her. She sits at the table at nursery because she's happy her friends are there...perhaps she would be even happier if her Mommy sat down and ate with her?  I know you must be insanely busy...but do try to sit, and "really" eat, not just pretend!    Relax, sit, enjoy your daughter and allow her to enjoy YOU!   

*sorry no advice on the sippy....but someone way smarter than me will help with that I'm certain*

[michaeljacknnugg]

Bottle or cup? My DS refused a bottle so I will stay away from the subject! I've got a few ideas on the behavour stuff that might help though:

A question for you - how involved is your DD in the eating process? My DS (currently 15 months) has always been difficult to feed because he's just too busy to eat!! I did resort to letting him do other things like investigate bits of paper and cardboard while I spoon fed him, but as soon as he could feed himself I made him do it! This amde him pay a lot more attention to the food and kept him busy 

He still has times when he is eating something mucky and can't be trusted, and if he is getting funny about sitting still I do hand him something to play with, but it's generally something to do with eating like a spoon and an empty bowl so he can pretend to feed himself. I also do eat with him whenever possible.

As for menu choices, we often have main course rejected if he is not very hungry or it's a consistency he can't cope with (teeth often set him back). I want him just to try a bit and then I am happy to offer something else. Not loads of choices, just healthy stuff I can get out of the cupboard like fruit, raisins or hot cross buns. If he's not really eating he does start to throw stuff off the highchair so that means it's time to get down. At the next meal he will normally make up for it!

Hope this helps!

[lastcall]

A rapid update: my DD is doing much better and the reason is that I realized that she was approaching the table not  hungry. Her snack was too rich.
I cut the snack to a real snack ( fruit only) and the result is evident. She is eating ( herself!!) anything I offer while I make her company. I appreciate what you said Amelia1227 but I just canīt eat at 5:30/06:00 and let daddy eat alone at 8.
It is very important, for the sake of the relationship to have some adult cosy time, and for us it starts with dinner. ;-)
I keep on giving the bottle as she is able to drink from any cup anyway, she gets it down in a flash and we brush her teeth after the milk as it should.
So the case ( for now) seems happly closed :-))
Thanks for your suggestions and advices :-)))))))