7-mo-old still CIO in my arms at naptime!!!

[debandbrian]

So we've been working on EASY and naps for, oh, say the past month and it feels like there's been no progress in this last step of trying to get ds to fall asleep on his own. I have tried everything I know and have read, and we do a good wind down in his room but as soon as the "nap" routine starts (ie, I turn off the lights) - he starts to cry and cry and it's really taking a toll on me. I know it's because he is either resisting the nap or wants me to nurse him to sleep - even though it's been over 3 weeks since I did that. For my husband he just fusses but on weekdays it's just me and he wails almost every time. Never mind trying to put him in the crib awake or even partially asleep. We go through the crying bit every time, with lots of walking, rocking and sh-ing.
At night he's great - he is usually drowsy and he puts himself to sleep just fine. Last night his eyes were wide open when I put him down and he didn't make a peep!!! Why can't he do this during the day???

I am wondering...
-do I try to make his room pitch black the way it is at night?

-when I am holding him and he's crying, do I give him room to arch his back and pull away or hold him so tight that he can't move?

-do I give up altogether and just resign to having him nurse to sleep during the day???

I just don't understand why it isn't getting any better!!! I really want to get over this hurdle but I don't know what to do!
Deborah

[Caroline-Charlies Mummy]

Hello Deborah, we haven't talked before, so nice to meet you (I love your lo's name, btw :wink: )

OK, a couple of things spring to mind from your post. Can you post your routine for us, so we can help with more details?

-It sounds like your lo could possibly be overtired when you're trying to put him down. How long is his awake time? Have you tried shortening it?

-I used to have a similar problem with the back arching, and it took me ages to realise that my ds didn't like being held when he was trying to wind down for a nap. He preferred being cuddled, then placed in his crib, and then go through the ssh/pat. I think it annoyed him that he couldn't get comfy on his own. BTW it took a few attempts to get this to work, as it wasn't how he was 'used' to going to sleep, but it's worth persisting with, as it eventually worked.

-I also found that if I backed off a bit, that helped. We did the wind down routine, then he went into his crib as I described, but then I backed off, and he preferred this. Again, it took many attempts but eventually it worked.

-Yes, ds will only nap if his room is pitch black

-Have you tried ssh/patting? Some babies (and your ds sounds similar to mine) are annoyed by rocking/pacing the floor/etc, and it winds them up rather than settling them. If you need advice on this, let me know, and I will do my best.

Don't give up! You can do it, you just need to find the best way for you and your lo.

HTH

[debandbrian]

Thank you so much for your reply!!!
I love your son's name as well :wink:

Our day generally goes something like this. Anytime between the eating and sleeping is activity...
7am - wake, bf
8am - solids
9am - wind down & nap (I will mention that he often shows sleepy cues MUCH sooner than this - like 20 mins after he's woken, which means to me that his night time sleep isn't long enough - but I can't seem to find any way to lengthen it, and he's all smiles when he first wakes up!)

The nap can last anywhere from 30 mins to 1 1/2 hours but almost never straight through - he usually wakes at 30 min intervals and I go back in and put him down again - I want to try wake to sleep but I wasn't going to do that until we'd mastered falling asleep independently...

10:30ish - smaller BF
12pm solids
1 - nap - again, length varies
3:30ish - smaller BF
around 4:30 or 5 he starts to get sleepy again - dad will usually put him down for a nap with great success, and it will either be a very restorative cat nap or a really long nap, depending on how the other two naps of the day went
5:30 solids
7:30 BF
around 8:30 - bed - on a good night, sleeps until around 5, has a good feed and sleeps until 7 am


I BF so much because he is sooo small - just under 15 lbs - I just have no idea what my milk supply is like, as his weight gain has been so slow. On this end, I'm just following dr's suggestions.

Now, my understanding with sh/pat is that I would stand next to him in the crib and sh/pat to soothe him. I have tried this, but usual response to being put in the crib awake is to kick legs, scooch to top of crib on his bum, and work his way from a fuss to a full cry. I can't handle it!!
I will do some cuddling in the wind down - if the lights are on, he's good with it. But as soon as the lights go out, there's no sitting in the chair as he associates that with the BF. I only walk and rock if it seems to be making things better. If I can, I just stand still and hold him.

So that's what things look like. Nap time is consuming my day - it's now 11:20 - he slept an hour later this am so everything is an hour behind but he's just now gone down for his nap. I just don't know how to make the process better.

As far as darkening the room - any suggestions on how to do it? He has black blinds which make it very dim but light still peeks through the slats and around the edges. I'm going back to work in March - will making it totally black cause a problem when he's in some kind of daycare scenario where he has to fall asleep under different conditions?

I really appreciate sticking with me this far! Any more advice would be so appreciated. It sure is a disheartening process!
Deborah

[motherofzoe]

I am new to the board, and definitely not an expert, but I wonder...since he doesn't do this to his daddy, could it be because you smell like milk or otherwise remind him of it?  You'll probably have to work extra hard and long to get him to sleep without nursing him since he knows you could and have in the past.  He also doesn't associate his daddy with that bedtime ritual, so he doesn't demand it of him.
Just a thought, take it or leave it.
-Sarah

[debandbrian]

Oh - definitely the struggle is because he wants me to nurse him to sleep!!! I made the mistake of doing it from birth - of course they tell you to nurse every two hours and he was so small that I wanted to feed him whenever the opportunity arose - so if he fell asleep which he always did I'd just let him sleep.  Lesson learned for future baby #2!!

So it's taken us about a month to separate the nursing from the naps. I just don't know how to eliminate the crying that happens instead!!!
Deborah

[momofnewbaby]

Deborah,

I think some kids just "cry" to let out steam, and get more comfortable. My lo has always let out a cry when I out her in the crib for a nap, which turns into a mantra cry, and then fussing sometimes chatting, all within  a minute or two of me putting her in the crib. Have you tried leaving your lo, maybe stand outside the door, out of sight, and see what happens? Does he quiet down by himself? Just my two cents. I am in no way suggesting CIO. If he needs you, definitely be in there with him, but give yourself a countdown from twenty to see what he'll do if you lay him down and watch him from outside the door, without him watching you.

HTH.

Sumita

[debandbrian]

Thanks for the input. I have done that - he works himself up to a full cry every single time!!
We did make some progress yesterday and today, though. I started the wind down in the living room - just letting him look out the window without me saying anything. When he yawned I started a walk around the house which ended in his room, and we just walked around there for a little while. He did fuss some when I turned the lights out, and I had to pu/pd 4 times - the last time I would say he was 98% asleep! But he never actually cried and only arched his back once.
I know it isn't falling asleep independently but it was much more pleasant than holding him while he is flailing and screaming. I guess my wind down was too short or too exciting. It's hard not to talk to him though!!
Hanging in there...
Deborah