READY TO TEAR MY HAIR OUT !!!

[proudmum]

the 45 min naps are driving me insane ... and now I can't resettle him to go back to sleep.  I go in early and try and catch him before he wakes, I cover his eyes and pat/ssshh or do whatever works - well that USED to work.  Now he just wakes up - WIDE AWAKE - and the only thing that will get him back to sleep is if I pick him up and cuddle / rock/ sing him back to sleep.  THis usually takes about 30 -45 min and then he's just about due to wake up for the next feed.  When he wakes up he's happy and smiling and so so awake. 

WHAT DO I DO???

[Taylor's Mommy]

those darn 45 minute naps can drive you insane I know :evil:

First, let me ask you a few questions:
1. how long has he been doing the short naps?
2. what is his routine?
3. what is his windown?  and how does he go down for the nap (drowsy, wide awake, etc.?)
4. when you go in to help him go back to sleep, at what point are you going in?  30 minutes, 45 minutes?

we will go from there.  I do recall a time when Taylor turned 3 months that all of a sudden she was a bear to put down for naps and even worse to try to get them extended.  it lasted about 2 weeks :x   we did have to start switching to pu/pd to get her to settle for the nap, and remained with the pat/shush to help extend them, so you are not alone!

[proudmum]

Hi Andrea,

He's been doing the short naps for about 4 or 5 weeks, but the "impossible to extend naps" for about 4 days.  His routine is pretty much like this:

E 6AM
A UNTIL ABOUT 715
S 730 - 9 (WITH EXTENDING OF NAP)
E 9
A UNTIL 1015
S 1030 - 1200 (AS ABOVE)
E 12
A UNTIL 115
S 130 - 300
E 3
A UNTIL 415
S 430 - 515
A BATH
E 600 - 630
BEDTIME 630-700

Of course the last few days have not really been as routine as that, his naps area  nightmare and sometimes it takes so long to get him back to sleep after 45min.  Eg this morning, awake at 6am, feed, playtime and asleep by 730, awake at 745, resettled and still asleep now and its 10am!  THe thought crossed my mind to wake him to keep on schedule, but knowing that he may not have another good nap today I thought I'd leave him. 

His wind down, (which I am now paying more attention to since posting this yesterday) is sing a few songs, change nappy and sit quietly in his dimmed room.  Last night and this morning though, I walked around the garden with him, rocking him and singing for about 10 min which seemed to really calm him a lot.  Normally when I swaddle him he screams bloody murder, but last night and this morning was a lot more calm.  I wrap him up and cuddle him until he's calm and drowsy, and put him in his cot before he's actually asleep - but really really drowsy.  (lately though I have made sure he's alseep because I'm so desperate for him not to wake up) 

When I go in to help him back to sleep I go in at about 30-35 min, and wait for his waking signs.  I do the "wake to sleep", my arm on his body, and shield his eyes and shhh, this used to work and he'd more often than not just go back to sleep.  Now he wakes up  and is WIDE AWAKE and the only way I can get him back to sleep is to pick him up and rock/pat/ssh him back to sleep.

Hopefully it is just a phase.  I don't have any support, no family or friends so sometimes I just want to scream.  We're going on a holiday in 2 weeks to visit family and I'm really not looking forward to it because I know how it's gong to throw out his routine even more. 

Any advice would be so much appreciated!    And it's nice to know I'm not alone!  :wink:

[Taylor's Mommy]

hi there...promise to get back to you tomorrow!  hang in there

[Taylor's Mommy]

Hi there,

sorry you are having a hard time.  I know how frustrating the short naps can be, as we went through them for 7 weeks straight (from week 7-week 14).  She finally got over them but every couple of weeks will regress for a day or two.  I have to be honest and say that I remember at this stage her naps were very hard to extend and I got so frustrated and stressed out that I actually ended up going with the flow for a couple of weeks and they did improve.

On that note, I think your routine looks good and your winddown is great.  I would encourage you to continue to talk him to the garden before every nap to get fresh air in his lungs.  This is a great form of quiet and calm stimulation.  Also you said his room was dim, but I would make it as dark as possible (not as dark as night though KWIM?), and possibly use some form of white noise (a fan or humidifier works if you do not have an actual white noise machine). 

If you feel you have the stamina to try to extend the naps, go in at the 30 minute mark and try gently applying pressure or light patting as he begins to come out of deep sleep...do not necessarily wait for his waking signs.  You will most likely have to stay with him for 20-30 minutes to actually get him through the next sleep cycle.  But if your son is like my Taylor, you will know in about 5-10 minutes if you are going to have success or not. :roll:   Most find (including myself) that the first 1-2 naps of the day are the easiest to extend, and the last nap is the hardest.  If you cannot extend the nap, move on with the day and make his next A time a little shorter so he doesn't get overtired.  I can post an example of what that would look like if you'd like.

A couple of things to keep in mind:
I know this is so frustrating, but much of it is develpmental and he will grow out of it soon (many outgrow it between 4-6 months old). 

Continue to teach independent sleep...you are doing a great job and eventually when he learns to fall asleep completely on his own, he will use those skills to get through the next sleep cycle on his own and you will have more Y time!   :wink:

let me know if you have any other questions.
Andrea

[mthyne]

My ds is about the same age as yours, and we have dealt with short naps from day one.  Sometimes he resettles, sometimes not.  Going with the flow has been what I have learned to do.  We've had days of 4-5 naps if neccessary!  Anyway, he's just starting to extend his naps (with help) because I lengthened the A time.  Do you think your LO could handle more activity?  My ds is close to 2 hours now, and it seems to help.
Melissa

[proudmum]

Thanks Andrea, things have improved slightly over the past couple of days, some naps I can extend without too much stress, but others are a struggle (yeah, the afternoon ones the worst!)  I think a good winddown is key, and the last couple of naps I've started to read to him (Winnie the Pooh!) quietly as he's drifting off and it seems to calm him down well. 

Sometimes I just don't have the stamina (as you say) to stand there 'fighting' with him for 30 min.  But then I'm not quite sure what to do if I do go with the flow.  (I tried it once last week and just let him have the 45 min, but we got so out of routine that I didn't know quite when to feed him, how much activity etc.  and then his night was not so good)

Melissa thanks for your advice too, I think I will try him with a longer A time and see how he goes.  I'm willing to try anything  :roll:  but I think you might be right because he's getting more and  more interactive everyday. 

I DO count my blessings though, he sleeps pretty well at night so I do manage to get about 6 hrs unbroken sleep - I know a lot of Mum's would love that. 

[Taylor's Mommy]

glad to hear things are improving a little.  Stick with it and you guys will get over the hump.

Extending A time can be what helps many overcome 45 minute naps (we are actually having a battle with them...she's been doing short naps again for the past 3 days, so we are going to try to extend her A time).  I will caution though to be careful extending too much A time with the little ones.  Since he is just a little over 3 months old you don't want to move too fast.  I think we waited until Taylor was 1 week shy of 4 months and slowly extended A time in 15 minute intervals every 4 days.  This really worked well.

Good luck!

[proudmum]

Thanks Andrea, I'll try that.  THis morn for example his am nap only managed 45 min, he's in his cot chatting away now.  I'm off to the shops to get stuff done - what do I do?  Do I feed him at normal time, then give short A time ?

[proudmum]

Sorry, another quick question.  Am I undoing all the hard work I've done to get him to learn sleep, if I pick him up and rock/ cuddle him to sleep again to extend naps.  I only put him in his cot when he's pretty much asleep? 

It's so much easier for me than to stand over his cot for 40 min trying to get him sleepy again.

[Taylor's Mommy]

yes, feed him at his regular time and then a shorter A time.

I don't knwo what you mean by your second post...sorry.  I only put him in his cot when he is asleep.

do you mean from the beginning you are putting him down for his nap asleep?

[proudmum]

I mean that When he first goes down for his nap, I swaddle him, hold him and ssh/pat for a few  min then put him down when he's not quite asleep, and shh/pat until he falls asleep.  When I go in to try to extend his nap, what often happens is the only thing that will get him to sleep again is if I pick him up and ssh/pat and sing and rock him back to sleep, Then once he is fast asleep in my arms I put him down again. 

I just don't want to be 'teaching' him that to fall asleep he needs to be in mommy's arms.

[Taylor's Mommy]

okay gotcha.  if he was younger I would probably say go ahead and do what you can to get him back to sleep after 45 minutes because a newborn with 45minute naps all day is a monster by the end of the day!  But since he is past that, I would say to not rock him back to sleep.  you want him to learn to eventually do it on his own, which is why pat/shush is great because you can gradually wean them.

BTW, please don't get discouraged.  My dd didn't get past 45 minute naps until she was 4 months old eventhough I worked to extend them EVERY SINGLE DAY!  At this age a lot of it is just developmental.  But by you helping him to extend them, you are not letting his body get in the habit of the 45 minute naps, KWIM?

[proudmum]

Ok, I hear what you're saying, and I will stop picking him up.  If I am really vigilant and catch him before he stirs, I can pretty much settle him without too much fuss ... THis is over the last few days. 

Thanks so much for your support and encouragement, I'm gonna hang in there, go with the flow when need be and just keep at it and hope he gets past it soon  :wink:

You've been great Andrea