Help!

[NoelleChristine]

I'm not sure this is where I should begin but since it's the nw's that are affecting me most I'll start here.  My lo is 19 weeks old and waking on average every 3.5 hours at night.  We've been a little wonky with our routine lately since we had family in town and then we all had colds around here but now that we are better I'm ready to get this thing sorted out.

He's on a 3 - 4 hour easy (if that's possible.)  Our routine has varied so much recently (maybe that's the problem.)

7:00 wake up
A:
E: at 8:00 since he had last eaten at 5:45 am
S: fell asleep in van I had an appointment
A: woke at appt was a bit fussy (of course)
E: at 10:15
S: fell asleep nursing till about 11:00
A: home and in swing, falling asleep in swing
S: 12:00 - 1:00 with one paci replug at 20 min.
E: 1:15
A:
S: w/d and in bed at 2:45 ish, wide awake and not seeming ready to lay down, in swing till 3:15 when I get 7 mile stare, in bed right away, replug at 3:45 and won't resettle
A: 6:15 ish bath
E: last nursing session before bed.
S: in bed at 6:40 awake but with paci, no replugs

10:15 wake up/feed, right back down (I don't do a DF because I'm usually in bed by 8:30 and with all these nw's I can't stay up)
12:30 poop, change and held and rock for a few minutes with paci and put back down
1:10 wake up/feed, right back down
4:30 wake up/feed
5:50 wake up/pooping and up for today.

Oh, my gosh...this is so long and I'm sorry but I'm desperate for some help. 

So...I guess my questions are first, should I start by getting his feeds closer to the 4 hour mark.  If so it means that sometimes he could be awake for over an hour before he feeds, or I need to try to get him to have two naps in between feeds because right now I can't get him to sleep past 45 minutes.  He can sleep longer than 45 since for a little while we were having at least one 1.5 hour nap in the day with two 45 minute naps and maybe a 30 minute cat nap. 

Also, is the swing a good or bad thing to use for a wind down.  I use it when I know he should be getting sleepy however, I know it could cause him to be prematurely sleepy as well.  I also use it if he's had a short nap to see if I can get him back to sleep.  Quite often it works and it makes him going down for naps easy but my gut tells me not to let him get used to this as a wind down.

Again, I'm sorry for how long this is but I need someone from the outside looking in to give me some much needed advice...sock it to me!

Thanks,
Noelle

[Bryony]

Hi NoelleChristine

Just looking at your example of a day, I think you may have a few issues going on there with him falling asleep in the car, or on the breast, or in the swing. Can he otherwise fall asleep independently?  I would try and make sure he doesn't get reliant on the breast or swing as a prop. 

What is his last A time before bed? 

I think you are right that getting him back onto a more standardised routine would help - if nothing else it would help you to know where you are!  Although I know it's much more difficult when you have other children to work around too 

In terms of 4 hourly feeds - if you can get him towards 4 hourly feeds I imagine that would help as he would take in more milk each time, and would therefore have a fuller tummy before going to bed. Some people who are BF find that they can't get to 4 hours, but if you think he can get there then I would go for it.  And yes you may end up with a feed before a nap (but make sure you don't actually feed to sleep) or 2 naps within one feeding cycle if he's a 45 minute napper...

How much daytime sleep does he get on average?  With a 45 minute napper you need to really watch out for overtiredness which can cause NWs. have you tried extending naps or playinng with A times to see if you can get him to have longer naps?

I am not sure about the swing - I don't have one and don't really know what it does - but I would be concerned about it being a prop if he actually falls asleep in there.

hope that gives you some ideas to be going on with

And yes I often go to bed at 8:30pm too!!

Bryony

[NoelleChristine]

Hi Bryony,

If you consider falling asleep with a paci falling asleep independently then yes, he can.  If we are home all day I try to stick to a normal EASY routine though I admit with two other children it seems this feat is often impossible.  He doesn't usually fall asleep at the breast, but it does happen at times.  As far as the swing I've started only putting him in about 10 minutes before our wind down or if he's woken early from a nap.

I'd say he averages about 3 hours of daytime sleep.

His last A time before bed is usually sit with us while we eat dinner, sit in bathroom with us while I give my two older boys baths or he'll lay in his crib and look at his mobile, then a bath for him, last nursing, light out, short cuddle and rocking with paci, then in bed between 6:30 & 7:00.  I usually go in at the 10 minute mark at naps and bedtime to pull the paci out if he hasn't spit it out already.

Honestly, I have a dilemma in that I'm doing this all on my own (my husband is in the military and deployed right now and we live in a foreign country and have no family here) so do I rearrange EVERYTHING in our lives so the baby can be home as much as possible or do I just do what I can on the days we are home.   I feel like I'm fighting a losing battle and my baby is the one suffering sometimes.

Thanks for listening. 

[Bryony]

Hi there

It must be so difficult for you with DH being away!  Big hugs to you - I really do feel for you. And it sounds as though you are doing great - it's fabulous that he can fall alseep  independently!

I meant how long is his last A time before bed - sorry I wasn't very clear     I think he's a bit low on daytime sleep - average would be about 4 hours or slightly more at his age. Although of course there is a lot of variation. I think the thing to focus on would be trying to up his daytime sleep, and/or making sure his last A time is not too long.

What does he do when he wakes up?  How do you get him back to sleep?

Bryony

[NoelleChristine]

Hi again,

Thanks for the encouragement.   Sometimes I focus too much on what he's not doing and forget to focus on all the things he is doing.  I'm blessed in the fact that he is a wonderful baby, even when he's OT and the routine gets a bit messed up.  I'd probably lose my mind if he wasn't.   

His A time before bed has been as long as 2 hours but is usually 1.5 or 1.75 hours.  I think you're on to something about not making his last A time too long.  I might just see if I can get him into bed by 6:30 each night.  He's been in bed by 6:30 the last two nights and only woken twice. 

When you ask what does he do/and what do I do when he wakes up are you asking about nap wake ups or middle of the night wake ups?  I just don't want to make you read all my "junk" if it's not what you're asking about.

Thanks much for your talking through this with me.

Noelle

[NoelleChristine]

One more thing...do you think having days where basically our routine is all out of sorts make my efforts on the days we are home null and void?

[momofclaire]

Hi,
Bryony has given you great advice. I just wanted to send hugs. Reading about your dh being in the military and you being home alone makes me feel guilty for complaining about my dh having a month of only home on the weekends. 

Hugs sweetie. 
Myia

[Bryony]

Hi there

I meant when he wakes in the night. Sorry I do too much typing with a LO in one hand and it doesn't always make sense 

Yes I would keep that last A time as low as you can - would he to go sleep an hour after a nap?  If not I would go for 1.5hrs max.

And in terms of being out and about - no it won't make it all null and void. If you can I would try and avoid having several days of being out and about together - a lot of mums try and make sure they alternate so that after an off-routine day they have a day or two at home to keep things vaguely on track. Also I suspect if he can get on top of any overtiredness he will cope better on days when things do go a bit awry. At the end of the day you have to have a life for you and your other children too.

Bryony

[NoelleChristine]

Hi there,

When he wakes at night I had been trying to give him the paci to resettle him but he won't take it anymore.  If he has pooped, I'll change him and sit in the rocker with him, offering the paci if it's too early for a feed, and then put him back to bed, if it's been longer than 3 hours I feed him. 

The last couple of nights I've been holding back a bit longer to see if he'll go back to sleep.  In fact I don't think I was holding back long enough for naps either because it seemed better for him for me to "help" him but now that he's getting older my presence seems to hinder him.  Last night he woke quite a few times (or at least it sounded like it) in between 3:00 and 6:00 but always settled himself back to sleep.  That's promising!  FYI, he sleeps in my room.

It makes me feel better knowing I'm not totally throwing him off kilter every time we have an off day.  I do try to have at least two days home in a row between our out days.  Doesn't always work that way but it's what we shoot for.

I'm going to keep his last A time no longer than 1.5 hours, 1 hour if he's not had enough day time sleep, and see how that helps his night sleep.

Thanks again for your help.


Myia...thanks! 

Noelle

[Bryony]

Let us now how you get on 

[momofclaire]

Waking between 3-6 and stirring but resettling on his own is a great sign.