Frustrated!!!

[jonmar]

Alright people, I don't mean to be flippant however I find this whole pat and shush and the rules that go with it quite misleading.  Getting a baby to sleep is always a moving target. I have a four week old that tends to adapt to every new technique I read about.  The pat and shush for about a week and then stops working.  I persist with the program and have a wide awake screaming child.  Some pat and shushers say to 'pat and shush until calm and then leave' while others say to do it until the child has had their jolts.  Which is it?  Also, I'm not supposed to pick up and put down at this age, yet if the child cries, I can?  If her eyes are wide open, apparantly I am overstimulating her, so I should leave. But wait, what about the pat and shush until she hits stage 3?  The advice seems to be similar to a weather forcast: partly cloudy with sunny periods, chance of rain!!!!  Guaranteed to be partly right.  Anyone know of a technique that is reliable?  As I type, I have continued the pat and shush for over a week, and have a baby that will 'awake' and cry regardless of when I leave the room, after 5 minutes or one hour.

[Jenn©]

Hugs to you for persisting!!  The up and down over and over is too much for them at this age.  By chance is your lo a spirited one?  For starters, can you describe what you have tried so far and what happened?  That will help with trying to fix this.   

[Kimberly®]

I agree your LO does sound like a spirited child
I found while my LO was that age that Pat/Shush often over stimultated my spirited LO.
Its often a matter of finding what works for your LO, for some if the technique is used to long it does the opposite to their LO others have to do it longer.
I agree what exactly have you tried? That may be of some help.

[jonmar]

For the first few days of the pat and shush program, it worked perfectly, hardly any crying.  After about day 5, the technique appears useless.  The idea that a baby at 4 weeks cannot concentrate on three things, those being crying, patting, and shushing is completely erroneous.  I guarantee they can because she screams right through the session.  Also, I swaddle her.  I immobilize her arms as she flails around alot, and her hands tend to wake her up and knock out her pacifier.  She does dislike having her arms wrapped up in the swaddle, so I am not sure what to do here.  She will kick and fuss trying to get free, and if I let her free, she looks like she is being electrocuted with the flailing. She knocks herself in the face etc, and cannot settle down, even with the pat and shush.  It really seems like every new thing I try works for a bit, and then she adapts to it.  I have been using the Horse Whisperer's pat and shush technique diligently for over a week, and the results seem to be diminishing.  I know she urges consistency and warns about going back to old ways, but come on!!!!. Isn't this warning really an easy out when parents say the her technique didn't work. "Well, you didn't stick with it, you went back to the old ways, no wonder it failed"  Convenient.  It doesn't take that long to form human habit, and I'm into day 11.  Any advice?

[Leanne]

Not sure if this will help you, but here's my experience:

My son is almost 6 weeks old, so I'm still learning to read his cues, and I also understand this is an ongoing process.

We have had a number of issues getting Ben to go down for a nap without a meltdown (on his part, not mine... though not far from it sometimes... ) Anyway, I believe that I was letting him go too long, allowing him to get overtired, and that's when the problems would start. The minute I would swaddle him he would begin wailing, his face would turn bright red, and he'd flail his limbs wildly - one very angry little boy! At bedtime he never fights the swaddle.

Now, however, I am learning to beat him to the punch at naptime, swaddling him a bit sooner (and more slowly so as to not startle him) and it seems to be helping, a lot. He fusses a bit, but patting and shushing seems to calm him when he's not out of control, so to speak. If I see his crying is beginning to escalate I'll pick him up right away, rock and pat him while shushing until he settles down again, then I place him back down and continue if necessary. Best to nip it in the bud before it becomes an all out tantrum, IMHO. Sometimes I'll give him a pacifier if he wants it.

We don't have these issues at night, however. He is always pooped at the end of the day and goes down for the night without a fuss.

[Jaime]

i understand you're frustrated and tired, but that is no reason to lash out angrily at folks around here.   

here are some more things for you to consider:

- spirited babies seem to need a lot less A time than the other types.  you may indeed (as other posters have pointed out) be trying to late for that nap.  you could try starting to put her down about 15 minutes earlier & see if that helps.

- with pat/shh, the idea is to soothe them in the crib, as pu/pd is too stimulating.  however, sometimes while you are doing this, the baby just becomes inconsolable. at that point, you pick them up & try to calm them down in your arms.  sometimes a cuddle with mom is what they need.  and when you get them very calm, you put them back down. 

- if you lo is indeed spirited, i would wrap her arms back up in the swaddle.  if she's anything else, you could probably keep her arms free and wait her out, knowing that eventually she will gain control  over them in a couple months.  (i had 2 kids who hated their arms being wrapped up too)

- finally... it is very frustratingly normal for you to see some success, and then have some regression.  this is when consistency is most important.  if you continue in the same fashion as before, you will see results.  when?  i can't tell you.  every baby is different.  my dd took 2 weeks and everything was great.  my ds.... you don't want to know!   

anyhow, ultimately what you decide to do is up to you.  if you have further questions, please post back.

[Beam79]

I have to shush pat at almost every nap and have done so for 2 months, but it does work. My ds is 4 mths old, and slwly it is taking less time to shush pat him...some days i get really disheartened and wonder if i will still be shush-patting fo years! But other days it is easier. My only wory is that I am beoming a prop as the BW warns about it in the 1st book but not the 2nd...??
Anyone else having these worries/issues?
Stay wiith the BW techniques, they are life saving in my humble opinion x