15 wk old: EASY has never been quite right (Night wakings, short naps...)

[MonstiesMum]

Big thanks to everyone on the BW forum. I have a solely BF 15 wk old who has never been a good sleeper. Since he was a newborn, I was aware of the BW principles and EASY routine.  We followed those principles, but were not aiming for a 3 hour routine until he was about 10 weeks old. This was because at 9 weeks we moved countries, from Australia to Switzerland.

So, at 10 weeks we really tried to improve the EASY.  We were pretty successful, he didn't require any props to be put to sleep, just shh/pat method for about 10-15 minutes each time. His eating was about 3 hours apart during the day. Sometimes a bit more, sometimes a bit less. With lots of effort, we could get him to nap longer that 40 minutes, but not all the time. Recently, this has reverted back to the 40 minutes nap dilemma.

But nights were never quite right.  He would sleep for 2 chunks of 3 hours or so, but after that starts waking up every 1.5-2 hours. His NW are always at different times (indicating that he is truly hungry), but generally at the same intervals after the dream feed.  This is because we also cannot seem to get him to sleep at the same time each night, and usually not before 9pm. He is very unsettled in the evenings and takes hours to put down for the night. During the NW, we've tried to shh/pat him back to sleep, but he becomes very agitated.

Knowing that each week he gets older and can go for longer between feeds and more activity time, I tried to transition from 3 hour EASY towards the 4 hour EASY. But, there have been no improvement to the nights. I should mention, and you will see below, that my LO can go for almost 6 hours without eating.  Last night he had his last E start at 7:08pm. I decided to skip the dream feed to see if it affected the NW (it didn't).  So, without a DF, he woke at 12:50am, almost 6 hours from the start of his last E.

I would very much appreciate help/guidance/support in what to tackle first, as everything is interrelated (and messed up!).  Given that he is 15 weeks, I can't decide how long the EASY cycle should be and if I should just start it cold turkey, rather than transitioning from the current situation.  After 15 weeks of minimal sleep for me, I am wondering what I have done incorrectly and need help! In the past he has randomly gone for 5 hours or so without eating, so I think he is perfectly capable to do it regularly and my supply is not the problem.

Here's the EASY for the past day or so. You will notice that we get all messed up when he only takes 40 minute naps.  It turns into EASAEAS -- nap cues start aligning with the time E should start, so I can't decide whether to feed him early or feed him on time and be OT. I realise that many of his A times are way too long, but despite all our efforts to settle him, he will not go to sleep.

WU: 8:45am
E: 9:45-10:10
A: (8:45) - 10:30
S:10:30 - 11:15
A:11:15 start
E: 12:55 - 1:20
A: (11:15) - 1:50 !!
S: 1:50 - 2:40
A: 2:40 start
E: 4:05 - 4:25
A: (2:40) - 4:40
S: 4:40 - 5:20
A: 5:20 start
E: 7:08 - 7:35
A: (5:20) - 8:50 !!!!!
S: 8:50 - 12:45 (no DF)
E: 12:45am - 1:05
S: 1:05 - 3 (approx)*
E: 3 - 3:15 (approx)*
S: 3:15 - 5 (approx)*
E: 5 - 5:30  (approx)*
S: 5:30 - 7:30  (approx)*
*These are all approximate times because honestly I am half asleep and can't remember the time in the morning (to write them down). I am sure that only 1.5 - 2 hours goes by between each interval as I always check the clock when he wakes up (to access how long its been since his last E).


WU/E: 9:30 - 10:00
A: 9:30 - tried to settle from 11am
E: 11:25 - 11:40 (wanted to eat again)
A: 11:40 - 12:05 trying to put to sleep
S: 12:05 -  1:05 (present time -- it looks like he made it past 40 minutes 

MANY THANKS!

[Ima shel Alon]

Hi and welcome to the boards! I hope I can help a bit.

First of all, at his age the average A time are 1:45-2h (chronological EASY samples, 0-3 months) so if you try and put him earlier than that he'd be UT, refuse to sleep and then become OT - and refuse to sleep . It's not easy to get the window right, but if you decide on a certain A time you start from and work up gradually from it then it makes it easier. IIWY I would try 1:40h A time at first. It's very important and can't emphasize it enough, that you stick to this A time for 3-4 days in order for us to see if it's working or not. If after 4 days naps are still short then you can increase A time again to 1:50h and so on.
It's not right that his A time will increase every week and nor will his feeding gaps. He can have weeks with no change in his routine. So it's more that you wait for signs that he needs an A increase, like short naps and NW (different than usual).
Because he is BF I am not going to advice to change anything at night time. If it's a routine thing then fixing the A times and getting better naps will help with nights as well, and if it's hunger then there is nothing we can do. For a BF baby at his age it's still normal to wake up 3 times at night to feed. The fact that he used go 5 or 6 hours between night feeds doesn't mean that he still can or will. I mean, sure he will at some point, but if a baby STTN and the next week wakes up for feeding it doesn't mean something is wrong, it just means he is growing and his feeding needs are different .

Like I said before, it sounds as if he goes down for naps UT, but because by the end of the day he didn't get enough day sleep and no restorative sleep then he ends up OT, and that is probably the reason why it's so difficult for him to settle at BT. After a few days of tweaking the A times I would try and move the BT to the time you wish it to be and stick with that. Setting a BT helps with getting a persistent WU in the morning and then the days are a bit more similar and predictable (even though no day is like another ).

I can't decide how long the EASY cycle should be

This is a question only your LO can answer. When you get his A right + a restorative nap (1.5-2h) = that will equal the length of cycle he needs to have.

HTH, let me know if you have more questions.

[MonstiesMum]

Many thanks for the advice!

I will definitely stick to the 1 hr 40 minute activity time for the next 4 days. I started on this yesterday and he was able to take 1 nap longer than 40 minutes.  Bedtime was still a bit of a struggle, but an improvement and he went down 15 minutes earlier than the previous night.  Thank you.

NWs have also improved the past 2 nights, in the sense that he only wakes up a few times rather than 5 or 6 times (when not growth spurting). I am happy that the both of us are getting better sleep at night. As you mentioned, and I agree, being a BF LO, I expect to wake up a few times a night. 

I think you're right that I need to be very mindful of his cues. I am really trying to improve my skills at understanding his communication, that way when he is ready for more A time I respond more promptly.

Just one last question: Once the A time seems more settled and he is happy with it, you mentioned then it would be a good time to shift the BT if we'd like.  Any advice on the best way to do that? My first instinct would be to transition in 15 minute increments, by waking him up 15 minutes earlier for a few days, then keep repeating in 15-minute blocks of time until we arrive at the most suitable bedtime.

Many thanks

[Ima shel Alon]

I am glad you already see some progress.

I would simply put him to bed in an appropriate time after his last CN and A time.
For example, if you last nap was at 117 and was a CN, which he woke up from at 17:45, let's say, then I count 2h A time (or whatever his A time will be then) and make 19:45 his BT. The time of his BT is very much dependent on what suits your family, 19:45 would have been too late for us, for example. We always had 19 as BT and even now when DS is over 2 years old it just moved to 19:15. There were times during the first year (till we were on one nap) that the last A was flexible, some periods it was longer and some shorter but it helped his body clock a lot that BT was 19, not earlier and not later.
I don't mean to confuse you, what I am trying to say is that if your last nap is 2h away from your desired BT then great, but if it's not I would still set a BT, IIWY.
It seems that he is sleeping around 12h a night so the next morning he would anyway wake up earlier than now, but you won't need to wake him.
That's at least my thoughts, if you feel your way is better then go for it, I would still hold your hand through it .

[MonstiesMum]

Hello again,

Sorry for my delay.  Thanks for the tips about BT, I follow you. I have followed them for the past 3 nights, and it's gone pretty well. The first night was a BT of 10:15, but the past 2 nights were 8:20 and 8:10! 

The past couple days have also gone pretty well. He goes down for naps pretty easily, but only takes a long nap once a day with a lot of shh/patting.  With that in mind and given that it has been 4 whole days on 1 hr 40 min and he is still struggling with the 40 minute naps, tomorrow I am going to start with an A time of 1hr 50 min (for 4 days) and see if that improves the naps.

But I'm very happy with our progress and really appreciate your help! I will keep at this and hopefully be better at reading my little monstie's cues.

Cheers,
MM

[Ima shel Alon]

That's great! 20 BT, yay!!!

You're doing great upping his A time gradually, WTG mommy!