Please help - don't know where I'm going wrong

[KatMcG]

Hi,

I'm a FTM to a spirited/touchy 6 week old baby boy, who is usually bright and alert and very playful when he's awake, but we can't get into a routine with him at all, and he just will not sleep. I've been reading the baby whisperer cover to cover to look for what I/we might be doing wrong with him, but we're just at the end of our tethers. He's now been awake since 0830 (it's 4pm) and despite trying to put him down for naps when we see him give the sleep cues (yawning, face scratching etc) he will not sleep. We've started taking him through to the bedroom after the second yawn (usually after about one hour of A time, through which he's alert and engaging and showing no signs of tiredness), but the minute we start the swaddle/shush/pat, he goes into total meltdown. He screams and screams and flails arms and legs, fights out of his swaddle and then scratches either me or himself (so totally overtired by then).

We've tried winding him down before we get to the hour so as to preempt the tiredness, but with the same result, except now he seems really angry with his cries, as if he's not tired enough

Please can someone help us - when we do manage to get him to sleep, it's taking about 30-40 mins of the shush-pat to transition into his cot, and then he can still be awake within half an hour.

Yesterday went like this (please forgive the long long post -it was a very long day )
0615 Woke from sleep and fed 10 mins
0630 Nappy change
0715 Reswaddled, fighting it. Shush/pat for 30 mins.

0915 Awake and hungry but calm - fed 15 mins
0930 Wash and playing time
1015 First yawns, escalating to crying hard, arching back and flailing. Into pram and out for walk
1030 Asleep in pram
1100 Awake and crying
1110 Given dummy
1130Asleep

1200 Awake and crying hard - nappy changed
1215 Feed 30 mins
1250 Nappy changed again
1300 In swing, reading baby book
1320 Yawning but calm
1330 Started wind down, not swaddled
1340 Asleep in crib

1415 Awake - attempted shush pat to send him back to sleep, kept jolting awake and crying +++
1450 Feed 25 mins
1520 Nappy change, playing, alert and happy
1540 Yawning  - taken through to wind down but by time got to bedroom, already arm flailing, scratching, crying
1550 Shush pat started
1615 Asleep in crib
1640 Awake and crying
1700 Tried to settle back to sleep - jolted awake x4 crying hard

1740 Skin to skin to feed
1800 Bathed and massaged
1830 Feed
1910 Asleep in crib (asleep while feeding)
1930 Awake and crying, flailing etc
1935 Restarted shush pat - screaming cry not settling at all
2010 Abandoned sleep and brought out into living room so we could have dinner

2020 Feed
2100 In bouncy chair, alert and kicking about
2120 Yawns and obviously tired - taken through to wind down
2130 Swaddled and started shush pat, but screaming crying
......still crying
.......still crying
2300 Nappy changed and feed
2330 reswaddled and shush patted
2400 finally down in crib, asleep with pat shush

0200 Feed
0330 Feed
0530 Feed
0810 Feed

Exhausted.....

If anyone has any suggestions we would really appreciate it

[kateboundy]

Poor you ... You are doing a great job and don't give in... You will get there in the end your LO is still very tiny.

Just a thought -is he is larger baby? My first LO was tiny and did easy to the letter but my second is huge and a very hungry baby and I had the same issues. I realised at around the same age that she just won't settle with out being full up so a conventional easy didn't work for her so I started topping her up before her naps.  Yes sometimes (even now) she falls asleep straight after a feed but I never let her fall asleep on the boob or the bottle and just use a dummy before I actually put her down and she now (at 17 weeks) puts herself to sleep.

Don't be worried to try it and make it part of his wi d down.... I take her up to her room, swaddle, feed, wind, dummy in cuddle and then put down...

Just might be worth a try and is just a thought. My LO can be awake in her cot and she spits out her dummy and wants more feeding before she falls asleep... It is just the way she is.  Feeding takes priority over sleep for her. It was the other way around with my first one so was a learning curve for me!

Good luck!

[KatMcG]

Thanks for the reply, you have no idea how good it is to hear that other people have had the same problems. We are totally destroyed by this. This evening has been now 7 hours of solid crying interspersed with feeding every hour.

He is a big baby for his age - 11lb 10oz - and 8lb 7 at birth. Feeds very efficiently usually (less than 10 mins) but has just started hanging on for 30-40 mins on the breast. Have just started to consider topping up on top of usual feeding, but worried that I am misreading his cues for tiredness/hunger. We have tried the dummy, which he loves, but the second it falls out, he's awake and screaming again...sigh...so conscious of it not becoming a prop, but having said that, have just resorted to nursing him to sleep, which I know I shouldn't do, but the poor mite hasn't shut his eyes since 1300 and has massive big black circles under them.

Will try doing an additional feed and see if that works, stopping him falling asleep at the breast may be the issue, but I'll take that over hearing him shriek his little lungs out.

Thanks again

[kateboundy]

Even if he doesn't fall asleep at the breast some of the time you are doing fine!

Just go with it. These first few weeks are the hardest and I promise it gets easier and goes so fast!

[Ima shel Alon]

It sounds like your LO is extremely OT. You might put him down in the right time but because he it takes him so long to fall asleep he gets OT and can't fall asleep anymore.
First to do is check your A times and you could have a look here: http://babywhispererforums.com/index.php?topic=164027.0
The second thing is that if he is touchy you need to be extra careful. They get OT easily and then it's all hell is loose. My DS was touchy as a tiny baby (now it's a bit better) and there was practically no WD whatsoever. I poped him in the crib and that was it. Swaddle also helped. The other thing with touchies is that waiting for sleepy cues might be too late and you can try and watch the clock more.
The short naps (30-35 min), the frequent NW is very OT baby and you need to get him to sleep better during the day to avoid that OT at night. I know it's not easy but it's possible if you get to know what he wants before going to bed.

It might well be that he wants to go to bed with a full tummy and there are mommies out there (and I am one of them) who do AES instead of EAS, but I would recommend it is your last resort. I found this solution best for us after I tried everything else and I am happy I did. I would want you to be sure this is the case with you as well because if he doesn't need to be full to go to bed you are creating a prop that will be difficult to get rid of in a later stage. It's maybe looking like this now that he needs to be full but I do think it's because he is OT and takes a feed as comfort and is feeding to sleep (which every baby will do at the beginning if we let them) and he will not an independent sleeper if you do that.
Again, you know what is best for the two of you and your family and I am not telling you what to do, just expressing my opinion.
Good luck.