Naps, routines, feeds - help in a big muddle

[samlee]

My DD is 5 months today and i'm going crazy due to her naps (lack of)
I have never really implemented a routine, just followed her cues but she seems to be stuck on newborn phase and wants to nap every 1hr for 30 minutes. 30 mins is only one sleep cycle and she wakes up grumpy/ fussy and asking to sleep again.  Also she will only sleep in my arms or in the pram.
When she was 3 months, she got ill and decided to stop feeding (formula since 6 weeks old) As a result she didn't sleep well and we resorted to rocking her (and now its stuck) so I rock her for naps and bedtime (bad mummy  )
So now i'm basically stuck in a horrid cycle that I created. Rocking, 30 minute naps, only in my arms, waking tired, won't feed properly because shes tired - all day long. She ends up having 6 or 7 cat naps a day and it kills me.
Please help, I don't know how long she should be awake for, how often to feed (im so paranoid about her feeds since she dramatically cut down consumption when she got ill) how to get her to self soothe and go to sleep without rocking. My life is being overrun by this and i'm a mess. Any advice would be great - i'm a first time mum whose gone wrong somewhere and I don't know how to sort it. 

[creations]

Hi and welcome to BW

First off I want to say, don't be hard on yourself, it's hard enough caring for a baby without giving yourself the extra guilt trip.  You aren't a bad mummy for rocking her to sleep, it's a very loving thing to do.

Have you read any of the BW books?
At this age you would go directly onto a 4hr EASY so that is to feed every 4 hrs with an awake time of say 2.5hrs.  It would be very hard on you both to implement that all in one go as she is so used to having a short awake time and feeding often but you can begin to head towards this and move reasonably rapidly increasing her awake time first to 1.5hrs for 2 days then 1hr 45 for 2 days then 2hrs for 2 days and so on until you reach a more suitable time (go quicker if she looks like she can handle it. In the first days she is going to look sleepy at the hour mark simply because this is her habitual nap time, changing the activity can help her stay awake).  Same with the feeding, I would go directly to 3hr feeds (if she's feeding more often than this) then gradually increase the time between feeds over a number of days.

Here's a link with lots of info to start you off.
Starting EASY - all you need to know and more!

I would suggest getting into a routine before beginning sleep training. Some people prefer to do everything at once but that is extremely hard work.  It shouldn't take too long to get into a more age appropriate routine and then you can begin working on independence and weaning the rocking.  You can begin to wean it right now simply by rocking less and less and reducing it down to a very small movement (or none) just as you see she is about to nod off.  The key is to watch her like a hawk for the nodding eyes and aim to be still for the moment she falls to sleep.

Hope this helps

[Cs11]

Being a first time mum is super scary and challenging! I have felt like you so many times but it always sorts itself out. I promise! Average awake time for 5 month olds are 2-2.25 hours but you will have to increase her wake time slowly by about 15mins or so each day.

Ive always just worked on trying to put my lo down drowsy but awake, and trying todo any settling in the cot so that she dosnt get a shock when she wakes up between sleep cycles shes not in mummy's arms anymore!

[Kellyjs]

Just stopping by to say I know how you feel Samlee. You feel like you're constantly putting them to bed! I dint pay any attention to the average wake times despite reading and implementing BW early on... I chose to forget about it for a while and we were stuck in 4 45-minute naps a day around 5 months, as I thought I had quite a good routine. Well that's biting me in the ar*e now!

With regard to feeding... That drove me nuts too and still does! But please don't worry, as long as you're offering bottles at the right time, she won't starve and she'll learn not to snack when she's used to bottles coming every 4hrs.

When I extend DD's awake times, I have to carry her about the house and keep everything low-key... Those last 15 mins are usually more work than the hours inbetween! But she seems to cope well with the extension when I do that... I even take her to different rooms and point out all the things I have to clean whilst she's napping! How sad is that?!

Please do listen and let the experts here guide you. It'll be tough for a little while, but you'll get through it. Promise xx