I can't take another night.....

[giddyup3]

My DS is 9 mths old and for the past 2 nights, has woken up and stayed up for 3 1/2 to 4 hrs.  He cannot fall asleep on his own, he has to be rocked to sleep, a problem I thought I had a chance of fixing, until "Grandma" changed that by running in at the slightest peep.
 I don't do PU/PD , but instead, cuddle him in his crib and pat his back. This rarely works and I revert back to rocking him.  This doesn't always work either, as he can be asleep in my arms and as soon as i lay him down... BOING his eyes open and the wailing starts.
 During the day he is such a happy little guy, napping well in the afternoon from 1-3 ( in addition to a quick 1- 1 /1/2 morning nap usually 8 till 9 based on him getting up at 6, 6:30)  I guess my real question is how to make him learn to fall asleep if he wakes himself up.  I spend alot of the night standing over his crib and trying to sneak out of the room if I think he's asleep, yet he knows the mintue I leave. Any suggestions ?  Christina

[JennŠ]

No brilliant ideas at the moment.  My brain is asleep from a long night shift.  Just wanted to send a (((((((Hug)))))).  It's hard.

[Wilsmon]

Our ds (11mo) will do this also.  He either sleeps through, or if he does wake up, it is a couple of hours to get him back to sleep.  Does he ever sleep through or is this every night?  I think with our ds it is due to teething b/c he doesn't do it every night.

[giddyup3]

This has been happening for almost 2 1/2 weeks.  He has another tooth coming in, you can just barely see it.  I must say, thinking back, he had 2 straight nights of sleeping early in the week, and I attribute that to him having a very short afternoon nap of just 1 hr.  I think he was just so tired, he slept good those nights.  Christina

[Libby's Mom]

My dd is about the same age.  Although she's been sleeping 12 hour nights since about 4 months, she is currently having difficulty FALLING asleep.  Maybe there is a stage at this age that we're missing?  I have been attributing my dd's issue to seperation anxiety - maybe it applies here for you too?

The only suggestion I have for you is to try the pu/pd &/or keep calming him back to sleep when he wakes.  If he's waking when you try to leave you might be trying to leave too early.  I used to sit on a bench beside the crib with one hand on dd's back & read a book using a booklight until I could hear the comfortable deep breathing & then leave.  Otherwise, time seems to go by soooo slooooowly& you start thinking "Can I go now?...  Now?...  How 'bout now?"  Getting comfortable for a while in there might be worth a try if you can manage it.

Good luck!

[giddyup3]

Seperation anxiety is a very possible idea, as I struggle with this during the day, and have been for 4 months.  He seems to have this problem even when my husband tends to him at night, so it's not just me he wants.  I have tried PU/PD and just as he seems to be drifting off and relaxing in my arms, I put him down and he starts to scream.  It's like he knows he's being laid down and eventually left.  I am hoping for a miracle tonight !  Christina

[Libby's Mom]

Regarding the pu/pd, I think you might be putting him down a bit too late.  You pu when he's crying &, at this age, put him back down the instant he is no longer screaming.  (If he's calm right away, then pd right away.  If he calms down slowly, you might not want to wait until he's totally quiet before pd - I used to put my dd back down while she was still wimpering, as the wimpering seemed to be part of her settling herself.)  The purpose of the pu/pd is so baby can learn to fall asleep while in the bed - if he's almost asleep in your arms, then he's learning a dependency upon that instead.

Wanted to wish you some words of encouragement last night, but we were offline.  Hope it went well!  Good luck for tonight. 

My dd is still rolling around playing when I'm in the room & screaming when I'm not (for bed & naps).  Still not sure how to handle that!  Any ideas?

[beccarman]

not sure if this will help but something i do when my dd is happy in her cot when i'm in the room but crys when i leave is to leave the door to her room open and do jobs upstairs, so i walk around talking loudly so she knows i'm still there, i walk past her door everynow and then so she can see me, flush the toilet etc etc. it sounds crazy but it works. i also find that doing things in her room like putting away clothes (or dusting!!) sometimes helps as shes in her cot and is sleepy but doesn't really want to be alone.
hope this helps.

[Libby's Mom]

Do you do this at sleep times?  I do this when I leave her playing in her crib - sitting up with toys, etc., & she's not too freaked out (sometimes turns & looks for me, but rarely cries if I'm walking about etc.).  Should I try that for sleep times?

[giddyup3]

UPDATE.............. last night Matthew fell asleep drinking his last bottle, but slept throught the night.  My husband says he heard a wimper around 1am, but that was all.
 Now today, nap time he had his bottle while in the rocking chair as normal, but was not asleep when my husband put him in his crib.  He laid him down and the screaming started.  I waited for a few mins to see if he would settle, but he didn't so I went in.  All I did was lean over and had 1 arm along his back (he's a side sleeper) and tucked his blankie into his chest between his arms.  He played with the blankie for a few mins, singing/humming to himself, and a couple of times looked up to see if I was still there.  I stayed until his breathing slowed and the singing stopped but he was still fingering the blankie, and crept out.  So, I would consider this falling alseep on his own. Hopefully I get another night like last night !  Christina

[Libby's Mom]

Excellent!  Way to go, Christina!!!  You must be exuding confidence.

Wishing you many more successes,

[giddyup3]

Well last night wasn't exactly a success.  Matthew woke at 0230 with a very wet and cold diaper, which I quickly changed, re swaddled him, rocked for a few mins and then I placed him in the crib to cuddle him until he fell asleep.  At 0400, he finally fell asleep after 2 trips back in there to re settle and cuddle.  I really think that if not for his wet diaper, last night could have been like the one before.  Unfortunatly, the 1 time my hubby tried, he got nowhere, and I was a little mad, because I seem to be the only one with a bit of success.  I told him sharply that he better come up with something as I'm not doing this every night.  Oh well, tonight's another night.  Christina

[Libby's Mom]

Hang in there!    Sounds like what you're doing is pretty good, hopefully you will not have to do it for many more nights - or maybe even just the odd one here & there.  Even if he doesn't give it up soon... you KNOW it can't last FOREVER!

I know what you mean about being the only one to have an influence - it's a lot of pressure.

Are you really swaddling at 9 months?  I can't even imagine my dd going for that.  She fought that off at around 4 or 5 months (I actually only started doing it at about 4 months & I only managed it for about 3 weeks - which thankfully was just enough time for her to learn how to settle herself).

Be strong!

[giddyup3]

Thanks for the encouragement Libby's Mom !  I will post in a few days with an update.  PS as for the swaddling,  it's not so much a traditional swaddle rather just around his middle and legs.  Matthew has always been one for being wrapped up tight and snuggily, but now I leave his arms free.  It's worked so far, as he takes it as an indication of sleep time.  But eventually he's not going to want it, just a little blanket to cuddle instead.  Christina

[beccarman]

libbys mom - yes i do this at sleep times!! not all the time but when shes tired but a bit miserable + it does seem to work!

christina - sounds like things are looking up, am so pleased for you, sleep deprivation is horrible !!!

sending good vibes to you both for good sleeps!!

bec xxx