What am i doing wrong?? Bedtime nightmare..wont go to sleep!

[kirsty_167]

HI...i have previously posted on this and got little response.I did try a new routine and it worked for a month..now we are back to square one!! Jakob is 6 months old next week and naps wonderfully during the day.However at night he goes down at about 6.30pm and just will not go to sleep.Last night he refused to sleep and it wasnt until i fed him his dreamfeed ealry that he went to sleep!!!

Here is his routine

7am up,dressed bottle
7.45 solids
8.30 nap(usually i wake at 2 hours)
10.45 bottle
11.30 solids
12-12.30 nap(usuallyi wake at 2 hours)
2.30-2.45 bottle
4-15-5pm catnap
5-5.30 solids
5.45 bath
6.30 bottle/bed
9.45/10pm dreamfeed (currently working on dropping so its earlier than it used to be)

I was feeding the last bottle in his room as it was helping him settle,now it doesnt.I tried keeping him up last night after the bottle in case he needed more time before bed but that didnt work either.

Please can anyone give me tips on what to do????Im lost and very upset as i have no relax time at night to get ready for the next day!!!!

Desperately hoping someone can give m eideas on what to do
thanks
kirsty

[Jaime]

hi Kristy,

if i read that right, he's getting 5 hours of daytime sleep? i think he's fighting a 6:30 bedtime cause he's not tired yet.  you also mention that he's 6 months next week - and hungry in the evening. there is usually a growth spurt around that time - did he have his others early? 

*personally* i'd shorten that morning nap to no more than 1.5 hrs, but that's me.  you may also be able to push the afternoon nap just a little later (though i'd probably keep that one at 2 hrs)  keep in mind too that in the next month or so he'll be ready to drop the catnap, and his bedtime will go a little earlier during that transition.  you could probably start to try shortening the catnap.

sounds like he sleeps like a champ, so if he's fighting that month he really probably just isn't tired yet.  my 2 cents

[kirsty_167]

Thank you.....i figured maybe that was it as he does go down so easily at naptime...but he shows all the same tired signs at 6.30 so put him down....tonight i will keep him up until 7 and see how we go......as for shortening his naps i am a little worried about that as he never napped well until recently and he is awfully grumpy if he doesnt nap long enough.But if i have no success soon with bedtime i will adjust his naps...which one should i shorten first? the am or pm one???

Thanks anyone who can help me!!!!
kirsty

[Jaime]

i would probably only actively work on the morning one.  i like a nice long afternoon nap, and he will probably start to shorten the catnap on his own as he gets a little older

[kirsty_167]

thanks...i will do that....im really getting terribly anxious at night that i dread bedtime.....i dont want him to pick up on this so the sooner i find a way that works the better!!!!

Thank you
kirsty

[kirsty_167]

I am really lost now.....evening shortening naps had no effect yesterday except he was grumpier!! He did fall asleep at bedtime after an hour which was better but it was still not good I feel useless!Where on earth am i going wrong? he went down for a catnap but didnt sleep so should have been tired by bedtime.He was grumpy and showed all the tired signs.....so now what?

Can anyone please please share with me their bedtime routine.....should i feed him in the lounge or in his bedroom.When do i put him down straight after the bottle or later? You see he has a bottle at 6pm/6.30 and by then he is tired so after he rubs his eys,grizzles etc....so goes down.But doesnt go to sleep.......do i push him and keep him up...or will i get him overtired?OR Do i perservere and still put him down??

Oh Im so confused and pretty distaught as bedtimes has become such a drama! Should i be feeding his bottle earlier?
Please can anyone help me?

Kirsty

[Noelle]

Hi Kirsty

You have gotten GREAT advice so far, but every baby is different and we just need to find "what works".

{{HUGS}} Let's try something different...sleep begets sleep.  Try letting him sleep without waking him up..no later than 12:00 though.  If you end up waking him at this time, make sure you have a bottle ready right away as we want those calories during the day.  Feed the solids immediately after the bottle (you probably want to do this even if wake before 12).  Do this for both naps...if you end up giving a bottle as late as 3:30-4:00 then give solids at normal time.  Maybe with two longer naps, you can eliminate the cat nap and have the last bottle between 6:30-7:00 and to sleep immediatly afterwards.   

Does he go to sleep independently?

Let us know!! 

[Katet]

I just wanted to add, sometimes my ds gives tired signs straight after an evening feed...kind of like that sleepy feeling after a big meal. so given he is having good day sleeps, you might try say 1/2 hour of quiet story time & cuddles to bring bedtime a bit later.

I too have been through stages of dreading bedtime with both boys, the thing is if it isn't working give it a few days with the method as if you change it too often they get confused.

Another thought I just had with my ds#1 we had a "horror week" around 6mo he just wouldn't go to sleep... I bf & in the end I offered a bottle of formula (on the 5th night) after the bf & he dropped his 10pm feed (he always woke for it) from that day on... so I ended up giving him a bf, then solids, then bf between 5pm & 7.30pm & he slept through until 6.30am. He just wanted to be tanked up for the night. So maybe try giving a bottle after the catnap, then solids, then delaying the 6pm bottle a bit...just a thought

[kirsty_167]

THANK YOU THANK YOU!!!I appreciate this help.Tonight he refused his catnap and fell asleep on his bottle...arrgghh! I woke him a little to put him down but he just looked at me and shut his eyes. I doubt he will stay asleep.

Tomorrow I am going to try giving him a bottle with his solids at 5pm and then top him up before bed...i am thinking maybe after the food he gets grizzly as he usually has  a bottle first and is thirsty after the food.he will NOT drink water!

I really appreciate the hugs and advice,it means alot to me at this difficult time!
Thank you so much

Kirsty

[kirsty_167]

ARGGHHH...im now in tears.He has woken up.He wont go to sleep now

.Nothing works ...pat/shush or pu/pd makes him mad.WHAT DO I DO? i cant go on like this im slowly going insane.My partner is out and im alone.Im sorry for being a pain this site is all i have got as support as my family tell me,he will be fine...i know he will be ..im not stupid but what do i do in the meantime!! ITs The now i am worried about.

Sorry
kirsty

[Alexander's Mum]

I am feeling so bad for you.  My DS (6 mo) has been really difficult to settle over the last week, a tooth erupted yesterday and he is now back to going straight off to sleep. Is there any chance he could be in pain/uncomfortable hence the waking? 
Does quiet cuddling help?  My DS definitley picks up when I'm feeling anxious/stressed and takes forever to settle.
I hope by the time you get this he may of settled for you..............

[kirsty_167]

HI....thank you for your concern.....it always perks me up reading someone cares......

.i had hoped that all this meant a tooth was on its way but nothing yet:(...He always has bonjela on his gums when he goes to bed.He used to always go to sleep independently.....now its just a full on hard time.I got him up before and he burped several times.So no doubt this is why he woke.It would be ok if he then went back to sleep.I have put him back down and hes not crying...yet.Already its 8.30pm (in nz) and i get worried as he looses sleep.

The weird thing is that in the night if he wakes all i do is pat him/cuddle him incase he needs to burp and leave.He usually then goes back to sleep...but this isnt the case at bedtime.Hence why i find myself at a loss.

I think for me that after a difficult and traumatic birth and then constant problems since i have found it incredibly hard to stay on top of things and remain positive.I will work on this as i love him dearly and he is only a baby who needs me to help him grow and learn.Thank you all for helping me.Im deeply grateful!

Kirsty

[corrina01]

My routine went like this at 6 months, bearing in mind my DD could stay awake for 1.30-1.45hrs she was on a 3.5hrEASY

7am Eat, bottle (6oz)
8.30-8.45am Nap for 2hrs
10.30 Eat solids (2tbsp), then bottle (5-6oz)
12.00-12.15pm Nap for 2hrs
2.00-2.15pm Eat, bottle (5-6oz)
3.30-3.45pm nap 45mins
4.15-4.30pm Wake
5.00pm solids followed by 3oz of milk to wash it down
6.00pm bath
6.30pm Bottle (5oz) in my bedroom, sing a lullaby while eating
6.45-6.50pm bed, she normally goes to sleep straight away or within 30mins
10pm DF (4-5oz)

HTH

[*Natasha*]

Hi Kirsty,

My daughter is exactly the same age as your little and i know what you are going through as i went through it about a month ago. She started fighting all her naps and bed time as well. So i decided to slowly lengthen her awake time to 2.5hrs and drop the cat nap that she has ALWAYS fought. What a difference within a few days she was going down and was alseep within 15 mins sometimes falling asleep within 5 mins. THe only thing i can suggest is doing the same. So now this is how her day looks:
7am - wake
9.30am - Sleep 1.5-2hrs
2.30am - Sleep 1.5-2hrs
7pm - Sleep for the night.

I am thinking of you and hope my suggestions help you  
Keep me posted.

[kate585]

Big (((Hugs))) to you and Jakob!!!

I think it's probably a lot of what the other girls have said.  I found Ryan could go a lot further with A time at this age.  I was (and still am  ) confused about his sleepy signs.  They're pretty much the same as bored cues. So, if he starts giving you sleepy signs after an hour or so, change the scenery. Get out a new toy, go to a different room, dance and sing for a bit.  I'll bet if you stretch that A time he'll start to drop the catnap and then be ready for bed on time.  Mind you, it took Ryan several weeks to drop the catnap, so don't think it will be consistently gone overnight (I did and was confused a bit).  Although, as Noelle said, every baby is different and he might drop it like a hot potato!   

Good luck and more (((hugs))) for you!  You can get through this!!!

[kirsty_167]

Thank you so much to everyone.Your support and kind words are a godsend right now believe me.last night was terrible.It has to be teeth.He woke lots before his dreamfeed and woke for his dreamfeed which he never does...he was screaming blue murder.I gave him some pamol and he was better after that and his bottle.He is very grizzly today probably because he had less sleep than normal.

I am going to give him a small bottle after his solids tonight and see if this helps with bedtime.I am also going to lengthn his A time when he gets up next.He doesnt last in the first part of the mornig.he has to go back down by 8.30 at the latest.I will work on the next block instead.

I hope this is just a bad phase that will pass.I was a right mess by the time my parnter got home last night.Not a good look!I feel like a failure when its like this.

Thank you so very very much everyone.Your help is generous and kind.

Kirsty

[kirsty_167]

Well....the last 3 nights jakob has gone down and gone to sleep...yippee....i stretched each activity time by 15 mns,shortened his am nap one day.Today he wouldnt sleep his second nap so took him out.After an hour of trying to get him to sleep.He only slept 10mins on the way there and 15 on the way back.He also didnt take his catnap.He went down but pooped which if he does before going to sleep,he wont fall asleep/He didnt cry out though so i didnt realise.
I was so worried he wouldnt go down for the night being overtired ........

Anyway he did go  down straight after his bottle.He slept beautifully for 2 hours then woke hysterical.Not sure why but i tried pu/pd again as i have decided to give it another try.(and try for longer) Then he went back to sleep after 2x pu/pd....i stayed for abut 10mins and checked he was asleep...BUT 10 mins later same thig,hysteria. Again i tried pu/pd. This time one pu/pd and he went back to sleep (usually this makes him more hysterical!!!! strange) I satyd for another 10 mins just sitting on his floor the left.Now its been 40 mins and he hasnt woken but he is due his dreamfeed...bugger!

I really dont know whats going on as he also woke at 5-5.30 the last 3 mornings.Im figuring growth spurt and maybe teething.I have uped his food slightly and he also has a little bit of formula with his solids now as that has helped him.He hasnt done the early morning thing since his 3 month growth spurt ...hopefully this will pass real soon!!!!!!!!!!!

It is still trial and error but i will perservere with pu/pd and lenghtening activity time...i am praying for an improvement.

thanks for the help and if anyone else can advise me or share their routines and feed times,bedtime routines ect...i will be grateful
thanks
kirsty

[kate585]

So glad it's going well, Kirsty.  Brilliant job of getting him down with so few pu/pds!!! It took me about 50 the first time we tried.     Way to go!!!
My only advice would be to stay for 20 minutes instead of 10 if Jakob tends to wake up.  In the books, Tracy said stay for 20 minutes, so there must be some sort of physical reason that 20 is the magic number.  This has happened to a lot of friends, who say the same thing, but if they're there for the 20 min. startle, they can get them to stay asleep. 
Keep up the great work!!!