At a loss... how much time....

[Mommytotwo]

Maybe I'm a bad mommy....

So I've began wondering how much time am I supposed to be spending one on one with my kids? How much time am I supposed to be doing things with them? I've never been all that knowledgeable about kids and now I'm just at a loss about how a normal day should go. I feel so embarressed.

I don't know many kids games to begin with, so I came here to check everything out during their nap times. I always feel silly when trying to play with them and utterly rejected when they look at me like I'm nuts so I just do chores. So what now? Usually I just follow their leads, if they want to be read to, they bring me a book, if they want to play with me they bring me a toy - but hey, I'm the parent and I think this is affecting their behavior because now they won't eat when I make them their meals and they just want to be in control of everything.

I real Tracey's book when I first had my daughter Anya (almost 2 years ago) and it worked so well! And I read her toddler book for Paul as well (it worked amazingly well) but then we got out of routine and evertyhing just went BLAH! So help! I need advice on activites to help me get back into snych (sp?) with my two toddlers (almost 2 and 3) who are leading ME around like they are the boss. I'm going crazy!

[*Kimberly*]

First of all, you are not a bad mommy!

Second, you spend as much time with them as they allow and you can handle.  There is no way you can be with them all day long.  On the other hand, they may be content to play by themselves 99% of the day.  My son is very independent and does not really care to play with me much.  I try to constantly talk to him (since he is not talking yet).  I try to get down on the ground and play with him for 5-10 minutes for every hour.  This is the minimum, some days it is a lot more and some days it is actually less.  I also try to do some things with him consistently each day.  Before bed we read our books.  While in the tub we work on numbers, letters, and colors (because he has those foam numbers and letters).  I try and get him out of the house at least 2-3 times a week.  Sometimes we will just go to the mall and walk around.  Other times it is slightly more educational and we will go to the zoo or to story time.  I also try to get him out and socializing at least 1-2 times a week through the mall play area, church, etc.

I hope that helps.

Kimberly

[Mommytotwo]

That does. But then I feel all selfish if I do something for me while the kids are playing by themselves. I also suspect that if I took more of a lead and had more of a routine of when they had independent (sp?) playtime, then their behavior would clear up (I have a thread in the discipline section). Because they are literally out of control unless they are playing by themselves - and even then if they get to playing rough it quickly gets out of control. 

[*Kimberly*]

From what you have said here and the little bit I just read from your other thread it seems like they need some consistency and boundaries.  I think some sort of daily schedule or routine would really help them.  Maybe a menu on the fridge (with pictures) so they can know what their meal options are would help at meal time.  And don't feel bad if they are playing great and you steal a little bit of time for yourself.   

Kimberly

[Erin M]

Hi there, I just read your discipline thread and I think the ladies there are giving you some fabulous advice.  It's not a bad idea to let them take the lead and play independently some of the time, but if you think they need more of your attention you should take the lead sometimes too.  You can sit at the table with them while they do some art-type activities (coloring, play doh, painting, drawing, etc) -- that way you can comment on what they're doing as they work -- you don't even have to be coloring yourself for that to work.  Reading is good too, even if you're only reading to one of them at a time.  Puzzles perhaps - my nearly 2 year old enjoys doing puzzles with me.  Do things outside together - go to the park, take a walk, things like that.  Plan ahead if you need to in the beginning just so you know there's always something to be done.  Check out the Toddler Activity sticky at the top of the forum for other ideas for activities there are TONS there.