22 mo moved to BBB, but wants us in with him!!

[Fionabee]

Hello everyone, please help!

We've been working really hard at LO's sleep issues nearly all his life and we've been doing really well. Up until about 2 months ago was sleeping in his cot after very little bedtime fuss. Some cuddling and a song in the dark and putting him down still awake. He would sleep all through the night. No complaints. Then recently he started wanting to sleep in the single bed that's in his room. OK. He would be so excited that he would put himself down often forgetting the cuddles and kisses we'd normally give him. OK so far.

Then... Mummy had some health problems which involved a very stressful month, lots of travelling to far away hospitals and eventually a stay in hospital (just 1 day). Anyway, during all this, we somehow fell into the trap of giving some extra cuddles at BT, and this quickly ended up in lying down next to him and falling asleep together. Now *OBVIOUSLY* he expects and wants this every time!!!  How can I get out of this He'll cry, very upset and dejected, each time i try to escape and end up coming back in his bed until he falls asleep. The good news (!?) is that he usually sleeps through the night (apart from a couple nights that he was teething and we were in and out of his bed like a yo-yo, all night)

I have to leave him with a babysitter in a week, who will have to put him to bed, and I really want him to go back to being independent again. This has been going on for about a month now. I've tried explaining that mummy sleeps in mummy's bed. But he still wants me there. I'm trying to have us fall asleep with his favourite stuffed animal, so if/when he wakes at night at least the stuffed sheep is still there which can soothe him... but he still wants me to cuddle before going to sleep....

Grateful of ANY ideas............ I really don't want to go backwards again...!!!
Thank you!!

[Truly Blessed]

Hi Hun,

(Hugs) these things aren't that uncommon. It sounds to me like Gradual Withdrawal would work best in this situation, have you done it before?

Walk In/Walk Out vs. The Gradual Withdrawal Method (HOW TO CHOOSE)

With regards to the baby sitter, in my experience LO's often go down alone for others, but like to give us the run around The other thing I would say is that if he is sleeping through the night, and you actually enjoy the bed time cuddles, then don't feel like it's 'wrong' Whatever works for you and your family is okay. It may just be that he needs you for a little while because of moving to a BBB, and the recent unsettlement. I speak from experience because in the past when we have been through these things (many times) I have been so caught up in the 'theory' that I forgot what was at the very essence of BW, which is to be in touch with how your LO is feeling. Right now Sam is 3 and since he went no nap, we have a bed time story and then I sing to him. 99% of the time is asleep before I finish his songs, but he will go down alone for my Mam and my Sister. And for me if he is still awake when I finish, although he asks me to stay first. The point being that he just loves his Mammy time at BT, and one day that will no longer be the case. It took another BW to point this out to me, so it's just food for thought. Rather than think of it as going 'backwards' just do what your Mothers Instinct tells you is right for now, whether than be sleep training or not.
 
Hope this helps in some way.

Vicki.x.

[Fionabee]

Thank you so much!! Very insightful advice. And thanks for reminding me of the importance of listening to my child )

[Truly Blessed]

My pleasure, good luck! x.

[Fionabee]

OK, so things have now changed for the worse. DS is now waking in the night and is unable to resettle himself. He will cry and I'll have to go back to him and lay on his bed next to him until he falls asleep again. This can happen 1-2 times a night. I read the article about WO/WI or gradual withdrawal. If I walk out, he will just climb down off the bed, open the door and come and get me. So I'm trying the Gradual Withdrawal Method. But how do you start?? I've tried putting some physical distance between us in the bed by placing a cuddly toy or pillow between us so when I leave he still has the object to hold onto, but he's already realised the ploy and objects to it being there. If I speak sternly to him, and say "Shhh, Go To Sleep", it usually has more effect and he'll stop fussing and lay down on the pillow, instead of trying to crawl all over me to get maximum body contact.

I'm torn between giving him extra cuddles, if he needs them, and becoming a prop (which I believe I have already become!).
Any more ideas???

[Truly Blessed]

Hi, okay so with GW you can start out slowly. Maybe rather than a cuddle, just start by the bed with a hand on him. Then when he is used to that sit without hands on. Then move slightly away from the bed, eventually heading for the door, then out. It can take some time, it depends on the child. The main thing is to time the next move right. The LO needs to be comortable with the stage you're at, but you also need to be aware of moving things on. Usually 2 or 3 nights at each stage is typical.

Do you think you could start sitting by him  Keep talking to a minimum. Just use a sleepy phrase at most, and don't enter into conversation.

[Fionabee]

Actually last night went much better. I put a pillow between us and then came out when he was asleep. I heard him resettle himself twice before I went to bed, which was very positive. Then he STTN and woke at 7am !!
Tonight I used the pillow again but slid down lower on the bed so he was only touching my hair. I think the pillow helps a lot as it's nice to cuddle onto and it sorts of fills some of the additional space in the Big Bed. Hopefully we're moving in the right direction... Fingers Crossed! )

[Truly Blessed]

Great news Hun, well done you! Finger's X'd it's still going well  sorry for the late reply.x.