Can't get 3wk old to settle for the night. It takes two hours! Help!!

[malibu_nikkus]

Hi
Our 3wk old is pretty chilled out, follows a 3-3.5hr EASY throughout the day.  When alert and happy, she tends to manage about 1hr wake time, at other times much shorter.  We follow her lead.

The problem always comes between about 6-8pm.  Once settled for the night, she does a 4hr EASY overnight.  It's the getting her to go to sleep which is the major issue.  We follow her lead with yawning etc to put her down to sleep, as we do throughout the day.  Something is going wrong.  We do our wind down etc, pat to calm or even to sleep in our arms on difficult, busy days.  She fights and fights sleep, screams and screams.  Once settled, she will stare at things around the room, fighting sleep.  On a good night, she will scream s few times and fall asleep in our arms while we shh n pat.  But even if we wait till she is deep asleep, she will always wake a few mins later once put in her cot and start the screaming n Patting cycle all over again.  I even put a top up feed in there to  try and help restart things.  This process can take about two hours.  It  is a big problem because some nights I have all four kids on my own to put to bed.  I can't stay in her dark room for two hours patting, it's not practical.  Any ideas of what we can do to manage this situation or even fix it?

[katie80]

Unfortunately, I think that's pretty normal behavior for a 3wk old and it's really hard with subsequent children as there are other needs to be met.  Lots of LOs this age like to cluster feed around that time of day and it's often a fussy time/witching hour.  I guess if she's fighting sleep and you have to get the others to bed, I would put their needs first.  Can you wear her in a wrap/carrier while you get the others settled? Would she be happy in a bouncy chair or swing either in a dark bedroom or in the middle of the action, whatever works?  I do think it's a developmental thing, so while it's very difficult right now, it will probably be different in a month or two... and then there will be something else!

[nona]

normal! agree with katie!

[malibu_nikkus]

I was beginning to think the sling was a good idea.  Was just concerned if she had a 3hr wake time how much more difficult she would be to settle.  Oddly, after one scream and pat session last night, she put herself to sleep in the cot.  Totally amazed.

One more question, she has been waking 3hrly at night for full feeds then back to sleep. She then has woken at 5.30, 1.5hr after her last feed purely for a suckle to help her back to sleep but will scream when put down.  Obviously tummy not full enough, but not empty enough to take more.  My boob is a prop already! What would you do? Turn light on & start then day, feeding at end of 3hr block?

[katie80]

No, you're not a prop, she's a newborn! Waking 1.5hr after a feed and screaming when put down sounds like discomfort to me. Have you tried to get a good burp out of her either at that time or the feed before? I wouldn't start the day then... I'd do whatever needed to get more sleep for you, whether that means you hand her over to DH or have her sleep on you for a bit.

[malibu_nikkus]

Oh you are right, thank you.  Bub ended up having a very refluxy day so she obviously had started with pain.  But she does seem to be waking at 5.30am no matter what still.  I got her to resettle today thankfully.  Although I'm not sure what to do.  This means her day will start at 8.30 and I have to take children to school at 8.  I don't want to drag her out of bed and go straight to school, she'll be starving.  Would you wake earlier 7.30am and feed before hand.  Oh, the logistics of having four.

[katie80]

Yeah, the 3rd and 4th are never going to have a routine EASY, because there's too many other things going on. I would get her up at 7:30, like you say, and feed her first. Or, if she wakes earlier, you can always wait to feed until she's ready.