Hi Nikki,
I was in the exact same place as you not long ago. It took dh's help to get it sorted out but it can be done (though I am not saying we have a perfect sleep thruogh the night toddler now, but things are WAYY better). Aiden had various issues like reflux, gassiness and teething and I would often be in his room 3-6 times per night.
We took a gradual removal approach:
The first thing we started to work on was falling asleep at bedtime. Instead of me nursing to sleep (or attempting to get him off the boob just prior to falling asleep) I did the nursing part in his brother's room, with soft music etc. When he was done I told him he was going to see daddy to go to sleep. I would pass him off to dh who then put him to bed. We started off using a stuffed toy that played music as a distraction (we would have to turn it on every 6 minutes). Basically, the first goal was for him to fall asleep in the crib without a boob in his mouth. DH would put one hand on his back and pat his bum. Sometimes he would sing etc. If DS stood up upset he would lay him down and tell him to lie down and go to sleep (the telling part helps). DH was there all the time, doing whatever necessary to make the process stress free and as positive as possible. If DS got really upset, dh would stop patting and ask "DO you want daddy to pat your bum", he would grunt yes and DH would start again. It just kind of reset things. Quiet talking and soothing also helped.
TO be honst that transition wasn't too bad. WHen ds woke at night, dh would go in an pat. If it got really bad I would go in and nurse. OFten, though, ds had no problem with the patting. He no longer stood up or sat up as much when waking in the night. Usually dh would take the early wake-ups and I would go and give a feed in the early hours (given he was so used to eating at night. The overall number of wake-ups went down to 0-2. (Of course, teething, gas and illness cause more wake-ups, but they are easier to deal with).
The next step was to decrease the patting etc while falling asleep. THis has been slow and when he is really fussy we still do that, or rubbing his back or singing, or combos of those. We have also dropped the bedtime feed. DS has not noticed.
This is a very slow process (I think we started over a month ago) and is not a miracle cure but ds is definitely waking less, has occasionally gone through the night and is so much happier during the day (I am too). Oh, yeah, obviously dh won't be able to take over for all sleeps, but when you go to do it, ds may attempt to resist a little, but because he knows the routine, he is much more likely to go down in his crib for you.
Another thing. Naps followed later. DS is a chronic eary waker so he is zonked at naptime and I am in a hurry to get him to sleep./ Usually I would nurse and he would conk in 10 minutes. Lately though, he tends to stay awake. I think he prefers to fall asleep in his bed. WE are doing thsi now and I am gradually cutting out that feed. (I am trying to wean him). With ds #1, sleep finally worked its way out (i.e. sleeping through the night) when I fully weaned him. I guess if tehre is no booby to pine for they will just stay asleep. Another funny thing: Last week I was out for the night, from before bedtime so dh was on his own. DS slept from 7:20 to 7:00 straight through! (he hasn't done this since he was 3 months old and usually wakes at 5 if we are lucky!). Of course the next night he was up all night with gas. Lovely!
Anyway, sorry for the long post, but I thought I would tell you what we did as ds is 17 months now and your situation soudns very similar to what ours was.
If you are interested in other approaches that may involve more crying but could be quicker, check out the frequently asked questions thread at the top of the toddler forum.
Becky
