How do you ladies do it? OT baby/running errands

[henrysmomma]

So, I have a four week old and she gets OT at the drop of a hat and will not sleep in her carseat while I am running errands, etc.  I am a photographer that works from home full-time and she will be going to daycare with big brother here starting in about three-four weeks. 

My question is this; how do you ladies manage to handle an OT baby, an older sibling and manage to keep your sanity? 

For example, I seriously injured my back and a chiro visit Monday was a must.  "No if, ands, or buts."  I timed the appointment so my 4 wo would be awake during this time in hopes that she would fall asleep in her carseat.  Of course, she did not fall asleep and instead proceeded to set off a really long OT cycle that lasted until she finally passed out at about 4:30.  Between the hours of 11-4 she would fall asleep, I would put her down in her bassinet and she would sleep for literally 20 minutes and then wake up inconsolable.  She doesn't sleep well in my arms (just like her older brother) and refuses a sling (I've tried at least 15 times with her-with zero luck) and even a walk in the stroller (in efforts to keep big brother entertained) didn't suit her either.  We played the game of get to sleep, put her down and 15-30 minutes later go back and get a screaming baby...aaahhhhhh!  My hubby got home and I handed off baby and went to Target to get a 20 minute break.  It was unbelievably stressful.

That being said, I am going back to work soon and I have found that anytime we miss our nap window this is what our day is like.  I am apparently a control freak and this just irritates me as I fully grasp the importance of getting their naps in, let alone the fact that I have to try and accomplish the bare minimum with work.  (I do have a almost full-time assistant that does pretty much everything for me except for shooting and misc stuff that I, as the owner, have to do.)  I think that the fact that I actually do care and it really bothers me to know that once I go back to work my baby won't be getting decent naps at daycare!  The thought of most days being OT days like I had Monday makes me want to cry.

Any suggestions?  My assistant told me that maybe this is my way of learning to just go with the flow.  My idea of 'going with the flow' is not bouncing 24/7 (to soothe my gassy/crabby OT baby) and continually dealing with an OT baby!  Not sure what else to do...

[Katet]

Hugs it's not easy when your own personality is to like order & routine, children totally mess with that don't they.

My assistant told me that maybe this is my way of learning to just go with the flow.  My idea of 'going with the flow' is not bouncing 24/7 (to soothe my gassy/crabby OT baby) and continually dealing with an OT baby!  Not sure what else to do...

I think your assistant is partly right.

I think though rather than look at a whole day as being a mess look at a small chunk you can get to work & work with that. Many 4 week olds don't fall into good sleep habits, my DS1 was fantastic until 6 weeks & then it all went very very  pear shaped, my DS2 was great here & there - I got told "one unsettled period a day, one unsettled day per week & one unsettled week per month & things like that helped me get through as I wasn't thinking "this isn't going to plan, I was thinking OK this is what it is like today, what can I learn from it.  She may well be going through an unsettled period, or she may well be a spirited/touchy/grumpy personality & may never have textbook sleep, & I think that is the hardest hurdle when there are other parts of life to juggle other than the baby, sometimes something does have go give & sometimes that is that 'ideal' routine we hope for.

The thing I found with DS2 was that it all worked best when I said the only nap I was going to focus on was when DS1 was napping & bedtime, other than that, I just accepted what happened, basically I had to otherwise my children would be dealing with an even more anxious mother & that (I knew from DS1 was not good)

It's also really important to remember, she really is only tiny, she will change so much so quickly, just because she struggles this week, it could be because she is going through a growth spurt etc, but it won't be for ever, my DS1 is 11yo & If I could turn back time to having a 3week  old (exactly 11 years ago) I know the one thing I'd change would be to be less concerned about tomorrow being like today, & more about accepting the moment.

[henrysmomma]

Wonderful info and support; thank you! I am definitely realizing that I am more of a control freak than I thought.

Question though.... How will I know when we are ready to start sleep training? I feel as if we are getting close as she is definitely more alert and seems to want to stretch out more. We currently have her sleeping in the rock n play which is horrible, I know! We were under massive renovations when we brought her home from the hospital and didn't have a choice. That frustrated me so badly! Anyway, if her first nap of the day is bad the rest of the day is awful. Yesterday, I would get her asleep and I would put her down and she would sleep a half hour and we would be up again....and of course she would want to eat again.

She is now 7 weeks, how do we get out of that routine? And I don't know how long to let her settle herself before I go back in. For example, I just put her down and she is quietly laying there with lots of movement. Sigh.....so much to question!  Hard with an older brother too!

[Katet]

I've always thought 3 months is a good time to look at trying to get things sorted (although there is a growth spurt at 4mths that messes with things) the reason being that from a biological point of view the first 3months is like a 4th trimester & it is all about growing & not really about physical development.

I will say though from my experience (being pretty type A) the more you think getting them into the "right" routine will make life easier the less likely it is to reduce your stress. The more you work on accepting you have to be prepared to roll with punches & "how long is a piece of string" is the answer to when they will  be in a reasonable routine. Honestly the routine isn't the answer to your "stress", realising you can't control the baby, but have to work with the baby is the answer to the stress... wish I realised that with DS1!

And I don't know how long to let her settle herself before I go back in. For example, I just put her down and she is quietly laying there with lots of movement.

If she isn't upset you leave her for as long as she isn't upset... my biggest mistake with DS1 was to expect him to drop off to sleep in 5mins with not a sound, I would jump in even if he grunted...with DS2 I learnt to only respond to cries & then learnt which cries needed me.