First of all, you are not a horrible mom. The fact that you care to do all this reading and research shows that you want the very best for your son.
I look at all the other mom's who don't follow the baby whisperer and they don't seem to be having any problems. So, it must be me
You know, I have this thought all the time. In fact, DH and I argue about this from time to time and he tells me that I need to stop expecting him to be the same every day and allow for variations, and to stop being so *byt the book* but for me it is hard because I am a type A person and I rely on predictability and things being reproduceable, so when my son does one thing one day and it doesn't work the next, I get upset that I can't find that magic bullet that will work every time.
When I put him in the crib he kicks and rolls around and has a hay day depsite being tired. I've left him for upto 3 hours thinking eventually he will fall asleep but he doesn't. He just plays. He needs to be forced to go to sleep
Does he seem exhausted and crotchety when he lacks sleep like this, or is he fine with it? Some babies need less sleep, and some need more. I understand this is a more severe instance of lack of sleep, but not all babies will follow the same sleep regimen and he may just be one of those movers and shakers who is so excited by life and being with mom and dad that sleep is just not something he wants to do. That may change with time.
The same thing never seems to work twice. Sometimes it works best if you put him to bed before he's tired, other times it works best if you put him to bed when he is exhausted and the next time you try that, you should have done it the other way. Same with swaddling. Sometimes one arm out works best and sometimes both arms in works best. It's a big experiment every time. Trying the different approaches seems to drag out the process.
I said your exact words last night as I cried to DH on the phone. I have hard bedtimes and what works one day doesn't work the next. The thing that DH tells me all the time that always puts things back into perspective is that my son is not a machine, he is not a robot, he will not do the same thing every day, just as you and I don't. Some days I need to have a warm shower in order to feel sleepy, and other days I don't. Some days I am tired at 10 and other days I am not tired until 11. Some days I eat more, some days I eat less. He is a human with variable needs and variable responses. There may be no magic bullet that works every time, but I find it is harder to see what is right in front of me when I get all worked up and agitated. That is where DH comes in handy - he can step in with fresh eyes and point out patterns and trends I didn't even see. I will then try what he says and it will work - for now anyway!
How do you pat/shush when your kid is holding his feet and/or flapping about? Do you pat/shush when they aren't crying, but they are rolling about? Do you pat/shush when their eyes are closed or they are doing the 7 mile stare, but are still crying?
At 7 months, you can stop the pat/shhh and go to the pick up/put down method. If you were still to do the pat/shh you would quiet him first before laying him down and get him nice and sleepy first, otherwise you are right, he will just play and roll about.
I would love to have someone come show me how to do this.
I was at a friend's and her son was so docile in her arms that she just laid him down. It sometimes took a coule tries, but he went straight to sleep
It is so hard not to compare babies but please try not to. Your son is an individual with his own internal machine working and may not respond the way your friend's child does. She will have her own adversities in other areas you can be sure, as we all do at some point.
You are doing the very best you can,and remind yourself of that every day. You are such a gift to your son, and he is blessed that someone so loving and caring is in his life.
You know, I see parents who don't know the BW who are winging it and enjoying their summer while I am cooped up in my house, a prisoner to my son's naps. My summer is wilting away and I planned for him to come in June so that I could get out and enjoy it - what happened??? Sometimes I think books like this are dangerous to people like me becuase I grab onto them like they are gospel, I can't see past the methods preached, and I become a slave to something that works for others but may not work for me, and in the meantime I am losing my free time, my freedom and my mind.
Sometimes I envy those people who have no routine, take their baby wherever and whenever and just enjoy life. I wish I could be like that, but deep down I know that I am being a great mom.