How does one Whisper through clenched teeth? (long winded)

[MamaPajama]

Uh oh is right...

I posted last week in the EASY forum my issues around my 45 minute naps...but decided after reading several posts within this forum around the same subject that I would likely get the support I needed over here.  (Not that the ladies over there were not helpful)

I gotta say that I am pushing 3 weeks of the 45 minute naps - which are now turning into the 20 - 30 minute naps.   I went out last night and purchased the other BW book - and printed out the sleep interview - but have yet to have a chance to read through either of them today. 

I was pretty sure I was ready to throw in the towel today - even any form of AP isn't working...and I am starting to feel like I don't even know my lo. 

So here's the deal - any advice from any corner of the world would be appreciated.

Cooper is 13 weeks, and approx 3 weeks ago the 45 minute naps began. 
My EASY turned into EASAy - with the "Y" VERY small - maybe 15 minutes if I was lucky.  By the time my husband gets home in the evenings - I am pretty much at my wits end.  I am hesitant to go out and run errands during the day because if I cannot console my lo in my own home - how am I going to be able to manage in Costco???

He has been on a 3 hr EASY since he was 5 weeks old and it has gone more than beautifully up to this point.  Last week I read a post about overstimulation contributing to 45 minute naps - so I brought it down to very low key - so much so that I am starting to feel guilty that we aren't doing anything - by the late afternoon I am so exhausted that we just sit there...

Today - this is what our day looked like

E - 7:30 am Woke Happy
A - 8:00 am - very low key
S - 8:30 am - went down easily
Woke at 9:15 (ugh)
Pat/Sh for 45 min - get to sleep for 10 minutes
E - 10 am
A - 30 minutes - low key story reading - tired cues
S - 10:50 - so exhausted
Y - I can't believe that he's asleep - but sit on stand by waiting for the whailing
Starts to stir at 11:30 - am able to support him into the next sleep cycle
Sleeps til 12:40
E - 12:45
A - 1:15 - 2:00pm
S - Goes down easily
2:40 - Wakes
Spend 1 hour pat/shh to accomplish 10 minutes of sleep before next feed
E - 3:40
A - This is where we just sit there - not always happy about it..get some AP in action - rocking him, walking him
S - 4:50 - 5:20
Attempted pat shh til 6:15 - when I resorted to rocking and patting him to sleep...Dad walks in at 7 - Cooper goes down for 5 minutes - Dad pat/shh successfull while I rocked and wept in the fetal position for 10 minutes..
Cooper has slept most of the evening - until ...well of course - just now...wide awake and ready to rule the world - I really thougt he would be out for the night and we would be able to dream feed and go to sleep.  Thankfully Dad is still awake and is taking care of things while I ramble on here..
Mostly this is a rant and a venting session - and not a very well organized one either..

[kate585]

Cooper goes down for 5 minutes - Dad pat/shh successfull while I rocked and wept in the fetal position for 10 minutes..
quote]
 :lol:  :lol:  :lol:
I hope you meant it this way.  That sentence was funny...and you've got to laugh or you'll spend all day crying. 

You are doing an AWESOME job.  I wish I could give you some advice, but I really wanted to send some (((hugs))) your way.  Keep it up and you'll crack the 45s!

[Meg's Mom]

Oh big hugs!  I have been there w/ the 45min monster "that is what i call them" and i hate them!  My LO started it then too - she is a reformed 45min napper :-).  My LO started the 45min nap at about 3 months.  I search high and low for information and found Tracy’s work, then this site.  By the time Megan was now well into 4mos and I moved dc to 4hr EASY as Tracy recommends and the short naps got a bit better.  I then used shh/pat, pu/pd (very little) and wake to sleep techniques to get dc body used to sleeping thru the 1st sleep cycle as by now it was a well ingrained habit.  We saw improvement almost immediately (although small, but it was improvement) and I was convinced Tracy’s work was a godsend. 

If you haven't already read - From 0-3 months babies work on organizing their night sleep. From 3-6 they work on organizing their day sleep. What is happening is biological and is a normal blip.  Not that it makes you feel any better.

IME, you have 3 options (most outgrow it by 5-6mos):
-try to extend the short naps via wake to sleep or shh/pat
-just go with it and adjust EASY to fit the short naps (we can help w/ adjusting EASY)
-very, very gradually extend A time - if your LO can handle it, but this is not always recommended as they get overtired so easily at this age.
-wait until 4mos and extend A time when you move to 4hr EASY.

I can offer suggestions w/ any you choose if you like.  As i said, it does get better i promise.

I am printing your post now and will have a read to see if i help (try at least)!

Can you tell me what your wind down routine looks like?

[MamaPajama]

I try my best to stay at least a little bit humorous during this very trying time..

This is wind down looks like lately;

Short quiet story
Slow dance/rocking and maybe a little lullabye if I'm up for it
Cuddle time
Swaddle (Which he is starting to hate - thats when the crying starts)
Sit quietly for 5minutes prior to laying down


Thanks for the support ladies...much appreciated..

Andi

P.S. - Not sure I am absorbing the suggestions at this hour - but will pop back on tomorrow in hopes of it sinking in.

[Arwyn's mom]

Andi,

I wanted to pass along my {{{{{HUGS}}}}} as well. You are doing well to maintain your sense of humour and hey, you got one long nap in there... I know it is frustrating to have to stand there, waiting for the inevitable jolt awake but... you still got the long nap!!

Arwyn is also the reformed 45 min. napper. She started EASY at 11 weeks, was doing beautifully until one day... 45 minute nap monster appeared. I didn't know what to do... I did try to extend them but I resigned to the fact that if she woke up happy, I didn't extend them. The caveat though, was that it couldn't affect night sleep. It never did, so I didn't pursue it.

Shortly before she turned 6 months, long naps resumed. They became easy to extend by pat/shushing or being picked up. No rhyme or reason for it, but there you have it. There is light at the end of the tunnel.

Your wind down routine... how long does it take? Are you missing his sleep window by a few minutes each time and therefore getting a short nap?

[MamaPajama]

Typically wind down starts about 30 minutes beforehand - I keep the last half of it very quiet in hopes that I don't miss the window of opportunity.  Most of the time getting him to nap is not the problem - it's keeping him there!!
He woke again last night at Midnight - but I reswaddled, gave him a few pats and put him back down with very little protest and off he went until this morning @ 5:30.  Thankfully Daddy heard him and had him fed and changed before I even rose. 

I find it difficult to imagine a 4 hour EASY if he is awake and showing hungry cues  at the 2.5/3 hour point, and yet he is showing signs that he needs a transition. (Waking in the night...*shrug*)

Ok - so here's to another day..away we go... 
*breathing in through the nose and out through the mouth*

Thanks again Ladies - all the support is greatly appreciated..

Ankie - hope you aren't too wet from all the rain.. :roll:

[MamaPajama]

Hello Ladies!

Yesterday...was...well...shall we say...I was ready to throw in the towel...where I was gunna throw it ....gawd..I had no idea.  Cooper and I had a pretty rough go at it.  He slept all of 2.5 hours in way of naps throughout the whole day.  Dad came home early so that I could try and re-Cooper-ate.  Got out into the sunshine and some plus temps.  Just enough to unwind.  Got back - and Coop was wide awake and whailing...he was so exhausted.  Gave him his dinner and bath and winded down for the night - needless to say he passed out @ 7:30 with little fight.  I, on the otherhand was reduced to a weeping puddle on the floor and crawled into bed myself to fall asleep to ER.

With that said - today was monumentus!  He slept through to 6:30am - Dad had him fed and changed before I rose...brilliant!  He went back down to sleep @ 7:45am...and...are you ready for this??  Slept through to 10 am!  My little boy surpassed the 45 minute mark - and has now apparently decided that he is on a 3.5 hour routine as opposed to the 2.5 hr.  BRILLIANT I SAY!!!!!!  He has also up'd his intake from 4 oz to 6 oz.

We had an absolutely stunning day - we are both very very happy.  He proceed to stay on a 3.5 hour schedule all day and slept incredibly well. 

I must say that it pays to "Start as you mean and go on..." as Tracy would say.  Cos there was plenty of times I was ready to give way to accidental parenting..and did at times...but her voice in my head kept me at it...and look what he accomplished??

Start as you mean and go on...

Thanks again ladies for all your encouragement and support...it really made a difference in my week.

Andi

[Mom2katiebug]

Andi - Thanks for your post.  I, too, am battling the short nap monster - a 45 minute nap is considered a long one in our house!  We're on week #4 with the darn thing.  I like to hear the success stories as it keeps my hope alive.

[Meg's Mom]

Andi, i am so pleased for you!!  Well done Cooper too.  And your DH he sounds like a dream..you are very lucky to have such wonderful support.

We are here if you need us!

PS: i know you want to spend time w/ DH, but i would recommend you go to bed BEFORE ER...10pm is too late for a mommy w/ a LO!!  :wink:

[Meg's Mom]

oh, you clever bunny!  I didn't think of that 

[Arwyn's mom]

Andi,

YEAH!!! Good for you and good for Cooper!!! Glad to hear it is going so well and that all your hard work is paying off.

[MamaPajama]

Update - still struggling a little bit - but from reading through all the other posts regarding the 45 minute nap monster...I get to him at the 35-40 minute mark and place my hands on him.  Sometimes this works brilliantly...other times..not so much.  I am finding that he expects me to be there at that point.  Have I made a prop of myself???  Or will I always have to do this?

Also - dug out a "white noise maker" and he find its VERY soothing...this is the kind of prop that I dont mind having - cos it turns itself off and he doesn't seem to care.

Andi