oh my aching back

[GaliaF]

ok, well, there are many issues (as with every new mom), but i think i have narrowed it down... here's my story.....
my 4 month old david, little spirited babe, just getting now on 3 1/2 hour easy (except for teh 45 min naps... different topic, i know)....
anyway, putting him to sleep:
after sitting on my lap in the living room to wind down, we go to the bedroom, swaddle (he starts to fuss unless i do it while laughing at him), and rock in the glider with his head in my neck while i sing and pat him until his eyes get droopy.
then we go to his crib and, eyes open now, i pat and sing or shush until he falls asleep.
this was going on for over a month.
now my back has almost gone out and i can no longer bend over or even sit and lean into the crib to pat and shush him for so long (it takes another 20 minutes usually) until he goes to sleep.
tears in my eyes, yesterday we decided to try contolled crying (consolling after 5 min of continuous crying).
it worked well for naps (went to sleep within 10 minutes) but at night or to go back to sleep after his short nap, well, he could cry for over an hour.
i broke down to my husband and he is now singing him to sleep again, but i am with him all day and do not know what to do.  my back is in jeapordy and i am only 26!
any advice from veteran whisperers?  please???

[KellyC]

Big hugs - I posted a message on the naps board this week with a similar theme wondering how I would ever make it through this sleep training without losing my sanity!

I suppose the thing is that all babies are different.  In the last couple of weeks pat/shush has started to work much better for my DS but he is settling so much better in his own bed than on me.  If he's crying I put him down and pat/shush (I too know severe backache!) and often he settles there, if not I pick him up and pat/shush or just hold him tightly and shush and sometimes this calms him and I put him down.  Sometimes it doesn't calm him but I put him down after a few minutes anyway (actually I think this is the PU/PD method suggested for a 3 month old) and then he calms down.  We still have to swaddle both arms otherwise he wakes early even if he gets off to sleep ok.  Zander has to go to sleep on his side too as his soothing technique is to burrow in his matress.

Good luck with your LO, post back to let us know how you're getting on.

Kelly x

[AngelFarrell]

I also had no luck with Shush/Pat and felt like my back was going to break. Not wanting to do the controlled crying, I tried the middle road. Put my spirited 10 week old boy into his cot awake after a short nap routine (walk quietly for 5 mins, story & cuddle for 5 mins, then into cot), sit in a chair right next to his cot and repeat sleep phrase (e.g. Sleepy time Bubba, sleepy time). Yep, theres tears, but I would stroke his head & face till he stopped crying, then remove hand (to avoid this becoming a sleep prop), keep repeating sleep phrase & eventually he would drop off. Took 30 mins the first few times, but now he's out within 5 mins. It's hard to see him cry, but at least I'm there with him, so he knows He's not abandoned. This saves my back, and is teaching him to settle himself. I have found this to also help extend short naps because he is now able to put himself back to sleep (yep, theres crying here at first, but he's learning really quickly).

[GaliaF]

so i have an appt to get fitted for a backbrace today..... 
my babe still needs his patting until he is fully asleep.   
btw, anyone know how long i should expect to be doing this?  it feels like my patting has become the prop to get him to settle in his bed. (he is 4 1/2 mo.)
thanks for the input, sorry other people's backs hurt as well but it is good to know i am not crazy!

[KellyC]

Hi

I've now been pat/shushing for all sleeps for almost a couple of weeks and DS goes down at night without needing any intervention at all - it's heaven!  He still needs it during the day (I discovered this today when I patted and shushed for a bit and then left him - he woke up a couple of minutes later and I suppose I was pushing my luck!).  So in my experience they do get there if you're consistent but I guess they're all different!

Have a nice long soak in the bath if you get the chance!

Kelly x

[Raquelita1]

Hi there, just wondering how long it took for you to get to just 5 mins of repeating your sleep phrase?  Have you gotten to the stage of being able to just leave your ds in his cot awake yet?  I'm having real trouble with 4 month old spirted dd and looking for ideas - but kind of need to know how long it might take so i can be realistic in my expectations!  Cheers.

[KellyC]

Hi

I know that reply wasn't for me but thought you might find it helpful if I let you know how long the pat/shush PU/PD process took (and is still taking!) for us;

After one week Zander started going down at nights with no intervention (unless he's very tired then some pat/shush and I think twice since some PU/PD).

After two weeks he started going down for the occasional nap with no intervention.  For all other naps we used pat/shush and had to stay for the full 20 minutes until in a deep sleep.

After three weeks he still doesn't go down for many naps without our help but we only have to pat/shush until he's settled and he makes it through the 20 minutes on his own.

He's still only taking 40 minute naps but we're able to extend some by going in after 35 minutes and stroking his cheek until he stirs - just off to do that now!

Oh cr@p - just bent down to stroke his cheek and his eyes pinged open!  I darted out again so you never know he may go back to sleep ... if not I'll be getting a grumpy baby up in a minute!

Good luck

Kelly x

[Jaime]

Hi there, just wondering how long it took for you to get to just 5 mins of repeating your sleep phrase?  Have you gotten to the stage of being able to just leave your ds in his cot awake yet?  I'm having real trouble with 4 month old spirted dd and looking for ideas - but kind of need to know how long it might take so i can be realistic in my expectations!  Cheers.

NOT trying to totally depress you, but it took 6 weeks to get through to luke.   :shock:  i think, though, that he was just a particularly stubborn, Touchy guy.  but by the end, all i had to do was lay him in the crib, say goodnight, and stop worrying about him waking at the 45-min mark.  he was about 5 months old at the time.

[Raquelita1]

Hi Jaime, thanks for reply.  And did you get to this point after 6 weeks of shush/pat, or did you use PUPD too?  Did the 45 minute wake-ups sort themselves out in the end, or did you have to struggle to get back to sleep during naps too, or did you 'wake to sleep'?  Txs

[Jaime]

fortunately, we didn't have too many nightwakings problems.  he seemed to learn very quickly what it meant to sleep at night.

it was 6 weeks of just shh/pat to get him to go down for a nap, and then stay asleep.  with Touchies, it's very hard to pull off pu/pd successfully.  usually, it just makes them madder.  not sure about spirited ones.  Deb (debinoz) from your other post would have better insight into that.

i'd like to think i had something to do with it, but there were times when i swear the little lightbulb just turned on in his head one day.   :wink:  thank goodness, too, cause i was about to lose my mind from all the 45 minute naps!

i only used wake-to-sleep around the 4-month mark when he got into this habit of waking at 4am.  worked great though!   

[AngelFarrell]

Hi Raquelita1, only took 1 week of doing what I suggested earlier. He now goes down without much fuss for both naps & night sleep. I dont even have to stay with him any more. I just do the short nap routine (longer at bedtime) give him a big kiss, say the 'phrase' a couple of times and leave him to it. He usually 'talks' away to his stuffed animal & the aniamals on his cot bumper for 5-10 mins then he will fall asleep. Occassionally he has a little cry, but this doesnt even last 1 min, then he'll sleep. Still does the 45-50 min nap thing, but I just go with it now. After weeks of trying shh/pat all I achieved was a dread of doing it and a really sore back. This works so much better, and the person who advised me to try this also said that once bub is settled into this naps will usually extend themselves as bub knows how the settle him/herself. My 13 week old is also a spirited young man, so this does work with sprirted babes.