Help!! 8 week old won't nap

[Taylor's Mommy]

HI Marilyn,

Being a new mom is very overwhelming, so big HUGS first of all.  You are doing a remarkable job so far and should be very proud of yourself!  I will try to answer most of your questions as best as I can.

First, being that Nathan is so young, I would try to stick with a 45minute-1 hour MAX awake time for the time being.  So if he takes 30 minutes to feed, then literally spend 15 minutes doing a diaper change and walking around the house-very lowkey and keep it simple.  The thing to remember that to a 6 week old staring at you and a diaper change is an activity!    SO that is my first piece of advice.

Is this o.k? I know Tracy says to only do single side feedings

The book is just a guide.  I think you have to do what feels right and comfortable for you and your lo.  The main objective for single side feeding is to make sure the lo reaches the yummy filling hind milk that comes after nursing for 10-15 minutes.  If he seems to have emptied you out, and he still seems hungry, then by all means offer the other breast.

Also, we tried cluster feeding at 5 and 7 or 6 and 8. But that turns out really bad since he is so hard to put down! So we basically spend the hour he should be sleeping putting him down to get him up to feed right after! Do we really need to put him down or could we just do E at 5 then bathe him, then go straight to nursing again after his bath and then straight to bed?

Of course!  Again, do what feels right for you and your lo.  We really only did cluster feeding during growth spurts (6 weeks, 12 weeks).  The rest of the time the DF was enough to help her get through the night.

Is there anything I need to change or start doing???

Relax and enjoy your lo right now!  The independent sleep/pat-shush/routine will all start to fall into place with every passign week.  My biggest regret was that I spent the first 9 weeks of Taylor's life completely stressed about her routine and teaching independent sleep, and in the end everything worked out beautifully!  Just remain calm and try to be as consistent as possible.  Lo's thrive off of routine and consistency, so that is one of the best things you can do for him.

Please let us know if you have any other questions.

[Meg's Mom]

Hi, sorry i lost your post w/ the move...Andrea has given you some great advice. 

You are right, being a mom is not EASY - but you are doing a great job. 

[nathansmum]

Hi!
thanks to both of you for your replies and for the encouragement! There are some days when you don't feel like what you are doing is working out great. And although I know that it's going to work out in time, we live in a world that is so based on results that when you don't see any, you tend to get discouraged.

I try to take advantage of these moments, because I know how important it will be when he's older, and also because that's what everyone says. But being in the midst of all this I sometimes wonder how I could enjoy it fully...

I have a question:
Could we be becoming the prop for our little guy? Just wondering, because I've read how important it is to be there with our little ones to help them let go and settle and everything, but could all the patting and shhhing and being there to see him through be becoming the only way for him to fall asleep? Sometimes our little guy starts crying as soon as we stop patting... How do I know when I'm doing too much for him?

What did it look like for your naps and bedtime? What was your routine like? Did you have to stay long to pat and ssshhh?

It's great to be able to let this out and discuss it! Thanks! 

[Meg's Mom]

Hi!

we live in a world that is so based on results that when you don't see any, you tend to get discouraged.

  It helps to remember DC is just learning and all of this is new to them.  So no matter what you do, it will take time.  But at least w/ BW'erering you will be teaching dc in a way that is caring and won't create new problems later on.

Could we be becoming the prop for our little guy

  by using shh/pat, you are doing a alternative form of sleep training. Instead of using CIO or controlled crying, you are staying with your child, while you are giving them opportunities to self soothe. If used correctly, then it's a teaching tool.. if you pick up every single time your baby cries, then it becomes a prop.  In time you won't need to pat or stay so long and he'll learn to self soothe.

Unfortunately i didn't start BW until my LO was 4mos but we did something like this for a nap wind down:
Swaddle tight, carry dc around the house for few minutes, take to room, dim the lights, pull the blind (dc needs complete darkness), rock for a few minutes and then lie her down in bed.  If she can't settle I would shh/pat until almost asleep.  I knew i could leave she gave a great big sigh :-).

It is great to speak to other moms who all come from the same parenting style, isn't it.

[nathansmum]

  In time you won't need to pat or stay so long and he'll learn to self soothe.

Does it in general take long for them to learn to self soothe? How do we know when they don't need us anymore?

It is great to speak to other moms who all come from the same parenting style, isn't it.

It's amazing! and I don't find much of this style around here... All the nurses and lactation consultants, family and friends all have their say on what we are doing and how they think we should do it. And I know this happens with any parenting style but it's especially hard when there aren't many people close to you that can encourage you in the direction you are going.

Concerning the wake to sleep, to help him transition into the next sleep cycle... For how long do you think he's going to be needing me to help him?

[Meg's Mom]

Self soothing is a learned skill, that literally takes weeks. It's not something that will happen overnight, or within a few days. Your little one is just 8 weeks, so dc's just starting the process.

Do you use a paci or soother?  It is lot harder to go without the soother, -- life was a lot smoother with a soother for us.

I will be honest with you, we had lots of tears. I found that as dc matured, from 3 months to 4.5 months, dc ability to settle into sleep gradually improved. It took lots of patience and keeping calm on my part. Lots of patting-shushing, and staying near to support through the jolts.

Right now, should notice somewhat of a difference each week.  During the time, be as conscious of dc sleepy cues and making sure dc doesn't overtire/over stimulate prior to dc nap. You don't want to push dc awake time right now, just focus on helping dc to settle to sleep without the prop.

I hope the helps, I know it's not easy right now, but it will improve as dc matures each week.

[Taylor's Mommy]

It's amazing! and I don't find much of this style around here... All the nurses and lactation consultants, family and friends all have their say on what we are doing and how they think we should do it. And I know this happens with any parenting style but it's especially hard when there aren't many people close to you that can encourage you in the direction you are going.

I know what this is like!  I am the only one I know besides the ladies on here of course, that have even heard of the BW and her techniques.  Just stay confident with what you are doing and don't let anyone get you down.  i know, easier said than done! 

Quick recap on us so you can kind of get an idea of the road ahead (all lo's are differnt though  )
Week 9-consistently started using pat/shush for all naps and bedtimes
Week 12-dd finds her fingers and we start letting her hand out of the swaddle to practice (she never took to a paci)
Week 12-dd starts refusing to go to sleep with pat/shush
Week 14-start using pu/pd and by the 4th day dd had started learning to fall asleep on her own
By Week 16-dd was going to sleep independently on a consistent basis

[nathansmum]

Self soothing is a learned skill, that literally takes weeks. It's not something that will happen overnight, or within a few days. Your little one is just 8 weeks, so dc's just starting the process.

Do you use a paci or soother?  It is lot harder to go without the soother, -- life was a lot smoother with a soother for us.

Thanks! I will be patient for as long as I need to be! And having an idea of what parenting is like, it will be for the rest of his life! 

I do use a pacifier. Although I'm very scared of having it become a prop... I know that in her book, Tracy recommends it, but she also warns of the fact that it could still be a prop. How do I know when to use it and when not to?

Just stay confident with what you are doing and don't let anyone get you down. i know, easier said than done!

Quick recap on us so you can kind of get an idea of the road ahead (all lo's are differnt though )

Thanks for the encouragement! and also for the general look of what things could be like ahead!

Here is another question still: I know my little guy is still young and still probably needs his middle of the night feed, but what are the signs that will let me know when to try to make him last longer at night? Is there something to look for or do I just need to wait it out?

Thanks again! I really appreciate both all your help!!!

[Meg's Mom]

How do I know when to use it and when not to

  I can't speak from experience as we didn't have any problems w/ it but generally speaking...give it to him, if he doesn't want it..don't force it.  When he splits it out, leave it.  when you have run in every 5min to replace, guess what you have a problem lol.  I know a lot of mom take it out 20min after they fall asleep.  My LO spat it out when she fell asleep so we didn't need to do that, probably why we didn't have a problem

Here is another question still: I know my little guy is still young and still probably needs his middle of the night feed, but what are the signs that will let me know when to try to make him last longer at night? Is there something to look for or do I just need to wait it out?

  he will start to go longer and longer between the dream feed and waking at night.   I wouldn't make him until after 6mos and even that can be debated.

You are very welcome :-)