11 month old up 3 times a night

[frankiesmom]

Hi ds has never really learned how to sleep properly.  He has suffered from reflux sonce birth and more recently has had terrible ear infections for months.  He now has tubes in his ears and seems to be doing well with his reflux, so I think it is time to tackle his sleeping issues.  He was doing much better and then we went on vacation and now he is back to waking 3 times a night. Here is his schedule: 

7:30 wake ( I often have to wake him)
8:00 breakfast
10:30 bottle
10:45 nap ( I wake him after 1 hour)
11:45 wake
12:30 lunch
2:45 bottle
3:00 nap ( I wake him after 1.5 hours if not awake)
4:30 wake
5:30, 6:00 dinner
7:30 bath
8:00 winddown
asleep by 8:30
Sometime he sleeps all the way through but lately he has been waking around 12, 3 and 5:30.  He is usually crying and sitting up in his crib looking around or standing up staring at the door.  He seems to calm down as soon as dh or I go in ( I think he is looking for us) but if we don't pick him up or pat him he gets more upset. Ssometimes I just lay him down and pat him, sometimes I pick him up and walk with him and sometimes at 5:30 I feed him.
When we put him to sleep, he does not fall asleep taking his bottle, but I do give it to him in his room, then I typically walk him until he is drowsy and put him down.  He is not completely asleep, but he is almost there. 

I realize that we have been inconsistent with how we treat his night wakings, but until now, we had to do whatever worked b/c he was usually having some kind of issue. I am confident that he is healthy now and I also now that he knows how to sleep, he has slept through for plenty of nights, just never consistently.  I feel like he is just looking for us to reassure him, but I feel like now this is a prop.  Any suggestions about tackling this?  Is is possible that his day schedule is affecting his nighttime sleep b/c he is sleeping too late in the afternoon? I know that he is almost ready to go to one nap and I don't know if I should incorporate this into his sleep training or if that would be too much.

Any help would be great!  We are so exhausted.  Dh travels alot so I am the only one here to deal with this and I just started working again 2 days a week, so I really need some help!!

Thanks,Kim

[Colin Macs Mom]

I'm sorry that he's had so much going on! Poor LO and poor mommy! 

Sleep is most always extra challenging with a refluxer, but it can be tackled like you say when things are in a good spot. My first suggestion would be to move bedtime forward, 8:30 is rather late for asleep time. I'd consider 8:00 at the very latest. Have you tried wake to sleep?

[frankiesmom]

I was worried about the fact that his bedtime was too late, but he is not tired before then.  He just really fights it.  The only reason it is so late is b/c his naps are so late.  He is in that stage when 2 naps are too much and one nap is probably not enough.  I can't get him down for his naps any earlier.  I was concerned that his daytime schedule was affecting his night wakings but I really don't know where to go with it.  I am okay with riding it out, but I just don't want to make it all that much more difficult if things don't iron themselves out.
I thought about wake to sleep, but I wasn't sure if it would work b/c it wasn't exactly at the same time.  The past few nights though he has had somewhat of a consistent pattern. The first waking has been between 11:15 and 12:00.
There is just so much going on.  He is just starting to walk too! 

[Colin Macs Mom]

Oh yes, the walking will definitely affect the sleep for a bit, so make sure he gets lots of time to practice during the day. And that transition for the naps like you said is really tough. Just follow his cues carefully and be patient with the naps. 

[frankiesmom]

Do you have any ideas how I should handle the night wakings for now?  Could it just be that he is transitioning to one nap and the walking is messing with things?

[Colin Macs Mom]

Yep, it sure could be. We had quite a bit of disturbance with Colin at the same age, for the same reasons. What helped us was to walk him around constantly while he was awake, to get the urge to practice satisfied. With the naps, I put him down based on cues and his request rather than time. That wouldn't necessarily work for every LO, but it did for us!

[frankiesmom]

Thanks, sorry to keep asking questions, but for now, do you think soothing him when he wakes up with patting and pu if he gets really worked up is okay?  I just don't want to keep using a prop to get him back to sleep if it is going to be detrimental to his sleep in the future!  Or do I need to get down and dirty and really do something about it?
With ds 1, even though he had reflux too, he was a much better eater and it was so much easier to sleep train him b/c he wasn't waking up hungry.  By 4 months we did some serious work and he was sleeping through the night and has been great ever since.  Whenever we had a bump in the road, with teething or vacation he was right back on track but ds #2 gets so messed up so easily and is more often then not, waking up at night.  It is so exhausting and frustrating but I also want to do what is best for him!

[Colin Macs Mom]

No problem!!

do you think soothing him when he wakes up with patting and pu if he gets really worked up is okay? 

Of course - just be careful to give him the chance to self-soothe first.

[frankiesmom]

Colin Mac's mom, Thanks for your help.
I wanted to let you know what happened last night with ds night wakings to see if it would give you any insight as to why he is waking.
He woke at 12:50, dh went in and patted him.  He was very restless for a long time and wasn't crying but wasn't going to sleep.  Dh gave up about an hour later and then I went in.  When I went in, he was standing at the foot of the crib, crying, obviously looking for me.  He quieted as soon as I stepped in the room.   I laid him down and put my hand on his back and told  him to go back to sleep.  He would roll around, looking like he was trying to go back to sleep.  Every once in awhile, he would start to get up on his hands and knees and look up for me just to make sure I was there. If he saw me, he would lay back down.  Sometimes he would sit up and start to babble to me and I would lay him back down.  At one point I tried to leave and he started crying. I left him for about 5 minutes and he got really worked up, so I went back in and laid him back down.  He acted the same way. No crying while I was in the room, just seemed like he was having trouble settling.  I am sure that if I picked him up , he would have gone right to sleep.  He usually does.  So, the whole process took 2 hours!  and he slept until 8 this morning.
Is this likely separation anxiety.  Am I handling this properly and any ideas how to proceed from here. I am worried now with him being up so much last night that he is going to be overtired today and this vicious cycle will continue.

Thanks again, Kim

[Colin Macs Mom]

Do you think there might be some separation anxiety going on? Does he show any signs during the day?

[frankiesmom]

Yes, I do!  He does not like it if I walk out of the room.  He cries and crawls after me.  And of course, at night, it seems like he just wants us in there with him b/c he stops crying when we are in there and screams as soon as we leave the room if he is not sleeping.
What's the best way to handle that?

[Colin Macs Mom]

Oh yes, SA is such a fun thing    Play a lot of peekaboo, that sort of thing. It will help him understand that just because you're "not there" or he can't see you it doesn't mean that you're gone forever. Make sure you tell him what you're doing when you leave or walk away and that you'll be right back. And of course give a lot of reassurance.

Nights are tough with SA as you see.... a lot of people have had success with taking a chair into LO's room and gradually moving it closer and closer to the door each night until out of the room.

[frankiesmom]

Thanks!  At least the last few nights even though he has been up, he settles much easier with us just laying him down and putting a hand on him.  Maybe he will eventually stop calling us!     
Sometimes he still really seems to want to eat at 5:30.  Is that normal for a 1 year old?  He will go back to sleep but he is up again every 15 minutes or so, but if we give him a bottle, he goes right back to sleep on his own.  I just don't want to make things harder for ourselves in the future!

I think this is the last time I will bug you

Thanks for all you help

[Colin Macs Mom]

Waking every 15 min like that does indicate real hunger. It's not exactly normal for a 1 year old, but maybe he's having a growth spurt? Maybe try and get more into him during the day if you can.

And don't worry, you're not bugging me at all! 

[frankiesmom]

Thanks
He is definitely settling himself much easier with just a few pats from us, so we will try to "wean him off" of that!  Thanks for all your help!!!!!