Please Help with 14 month old's sleep

[joybeth]

I would greatly appreciate any help you guys can give.  My 14 month old just won't sleep through the night.  This is quite a saga, so here goes.

My lo has always had sleep issues (in part due to acid relfux which we've conquered.)  We were actually sleeping through the night when on a trip in June, he started waking every morning at 5 am.  We tried patting and shhing.  We tried pick up put down.  He only screamed.  He truthfully only wanted me and not my hubby.  Finally both PU/PD and Wake-to-sleep started helping but then we would travel or he would get sick and it would all start over again.

Somewhere about in Aug/Sept., I gave up and started letting him just get up at 5/5:30 am.  But then one day, suddenly, when I nursed him at that time...he went back to sleep!!  The only problem...the minute I put him in the crib...he was awake again.  So...that started the months of being reduced to sleeping with him in the chair out of sheer desperation to get a little sleep.  I know we have broken tons of the wonderful BW guidelines...but we've been desperate.

Meanwhile, he starts having night wakings...most of which we thought we just related to the on again, off again colds.  But now they've become permanent.  He usually has one night waking besides getting up at 5/5:30 am. 

So...where we are now.

5:00/30 am wake-up, bf back to sleep (if I'm lucky...sometimes still gets up at 5/5:30 am for good!)
6/7 am wake-up
7:30 am breakfast
9 am NAP (depending on wakeup, usually sleeps 45 min., used to be 1.25 hrs....this is recent.)
12 pm lunch
1 pm (NAP...this one's usually longer...lately more like 1.5-2 hours on good days)
3/4 pm snack
6 pm supper after dh gets home
6:30 pm bath
7:00 pm bf and put to bed
7:30 pm asleep

As for how he goes to sleep...it's been on again off again.  Goes to sleep awake.  We have to do WI/WO most every night.  There was a month around 11 months where said goodnight and he went straight to sleep.  Now it takes about 2-3 times usually of going back in to put him back down.

My husband and I keep arguing over what to try at this point.  We really have loved all the BW suggestions.  They've helped us a lot before this all started.

We've wondered if we should try wake-to-sleep again, do WI/WO for the night wakings, change his schedule, try one nap, earlier bedtime/later bedtime.  Is it separation anxiety?  Basically...just lost and very tired (though I know it could be much worse).  Please help.

[macsmum]

oh dear sounds like u r having a rough time at the minute,
not sure how much help i will be but my 1st questions are,
does lo wake at the same time each night?
if u feed at night how does lo feed in the am when he wakes? is it just a quick feed?

My 1st thoughts are that u need to decide how to handle this and stick to the planif lo waking at 5am is not acceptable then i think u need to not get him out of the room! how do u feel about that.

Maybe lo is ready to transition to 1 nap! how long in general does lo stay up in the am before his nap?

sorry for all the questions
Emma

[Lªuren]

hiya

Does your LO wake at the same time for the nightwaking? how do you get him back to sleep?

When DS wakes early it is usually baecause he is hungry....  what do you offer him food-wise during the day?

Lauren

[sophiems]

not sure about nighttime feeding stuff, but the one main thing that I notice is that your lo is going to bed quite late for having getting up at 5:30 or earlier!  Usually at this age they would sleep 11.5-12 hours at night.  One of the main reasons for early a.m. wake-ups is going to bed overtired.  I would try putting him down at least by 7 for bed, maybe even 6:30, and see if that helps.  Also IMHO, I wouldn't try to start doing one nap yet.  I really think 14 mo is pretty young for that and it seems that it's more likely that your lo is having short naps because other things are off, not because he's ready to transition. 

I wouldn't worry that it takes 2-3 times of wi/wo per night.  I think that's great.  As long as you are doing it properly, it should decrease soon, but it will take longer for a lo who wasn't used to going to sleep on his own.  I think you're doing great in that department, just stick wtih the wi./wo plan. 

HTH a little...
Sophie

[joybeth]

Thanks for the quick responses.   Here are answers to some of the questions you guys have had:

- waking at the same time:  he wakes anywhere from 11:30-4 am for the first waking, NEVER consistent, the second is ALWAYS between 5/5:30 am.
The second is the one we've tried wake to sleep with intermittent success.  I'm always tempted to try that again for that waking.  The first waking is anyone's guess.  I first thought he was waking b/c of coughing from a cold.  But it's gone on too long.

- as for the early bf - I managed to get him to sleep w/o it every day week before last...not feeding him until 6 or 7 am when he work for good.  He STILL keeps waking at 5 am.  So...I don't think he's hungry.  He's also eating like a horse during the day.  His belly looks like it's going to pop before he goes to bed he's so full. 

- naps...he stays up 3 hours before any nap without a hitch.  We've thought he might be starting a very slow move towards one nap...but not ready yet.  Don't know for sure.  I mainly think the short am nap is part of that move and partly b/c we've had a crazier schedule the last couple of weeks with the holidays.  Before Thanksgiving he was taking two 1.25-1.5 hr. naps like clockwork, so I'm a little nervous to jump in on shifting to one too early.

- how we help him back to sleep at night.  For the longest...any night waking only took a quick pat and a pacifier, if that.  He can and has put himself back to sleep before.  However, lately, that has not done the trick.  He screams and screams...and has for as long as 30 min. with my hubby standing there patting away, trying to calm him.  Only whenever I actually am the one to come does he calm...and not unless I come quickly.  Then I must admit that we caved in to rocking him to sleep b/c it was the only way to calm him down.  Otherwise we were ending up for 2 hours at a stretch in the middle of the night.  Now, if I am the first one in the room, scoop him up, and rock, he's out and back in the crib asleep in 15-20 min. max.

-an earlier bedtime makes sense to me (If I can get my hubby to be okay with that.)

Do you think I should combine that with trying wake-to-sleep again in the night for the 5 am?  Or should we attempt wi/wo in the night?

There was a time of about a month where he put himself to sleep at bedtime and sleep straight through the night.  Wish I knew what changed.  Sometimes I think it must have been separation anxiety that started it all b/c he went to being VERY hard to get to sleep at bedtime as well as night wakings.

Thank you SO much for trying to help us get a new sleep plan.  We truly want to be consistent and to help him learn how to have good sleep habits.

[macsmum]

hi there,
I think the 1st waking is so hard to settle due to seperation anxiety, I havent got to this stage with ds yet but u may find looking at the seperation anxiety boards helpful.
I would be tempted to try moving bedtime earlier gradually over a few days, this may also help u transition to the one long nap? after u have bedtime at about 7pm.
consistency is definately the key, u need to try a technique that u are happy with and stick to it for the 1st waking but i would definately try w2s for the second waking but only stir him so he doesnt actually wake.
sometimes if ds is having trouble settling in the night say when he is unwell, i lie on the floor next to his crib and just stroke him through the bars of the cot, a little extreme but i will do anything to not have to get him out, i find with my ds if i get him out it will take me ages to get him back down, i have even fell asleep on the floor before
cant think of anything else just now but will have a think, hopefully someone else will be back to see in a minute.

hth Emma

[sophiems]

I really think wi/wo is the way to go for the 1st waking.  I don't know much about W2S, never did that with my kids, but the tip off to me that this is a conditioned waking is that he reacts differently to you and your husband.  I think wi/wo is the way to go or you will see an increase in night wakings.  It may take longer, than rocking him, initially, but overall you will see the wakings decrease and his ability to put himself back to sleep will improve.  Honestly I think that if he's been going without the morning feed for a while now with now problems, I think wi/wo is still the way to go, even if it's at the same time every morning.  What I saw with my son is that after 3 days of wi/wo at that early a.m. waking, then for a few days he'd still wake at that time, and kind of fuss or whine but then would go back to sleep on his own and now he doesn't do it anymore. 

The other thing is that it might be that 3 hours is not long enough awake time.  3.5 might be more like it for this age.  So if he's up at 6, 9:30 would be a better nap time.  2:30 then for the afternoon. 

HTH. 

[JJsMum]

One other thing I thought of - has he just started to walk/cruise?  We have just been through a month of night wakings and early starts which coincided with DS learning to walk.  It stopped as mysteriously as it began.  It looks like this is not the whole reason for your wakings, but it might be a factor and so things may at least start to improve once his body gets used to its new skills.  I really hope things gets better for you soon.

[sophiems]

just to add, I think that getting to the root cause of his nightwakings is important, but primarily, you can deal with them the same way, just use wi/wo.  If it is developmental, it is important not to fall into accidental parenting practices.  toddlers at this age learn very quickly cause and effect and so it's important just to have a plan and stick with it and the wakings will decrease. 

how are things lately?  Any better/worse? 

[Michaela's Mom]

Joybeth,

I have had problems with dd's sleeping since she was about 5 months old - i once joked that i would be back here when she was a year old with a post saying "STILL ROCKING BABY TO SLEEP" - well, it's not a joke - i WAS still rocking her to sleep.

Dd would go to bed tired (she only has 2 half hour naps during the day), wake up 3/4 times a night to eat and still wake up every morning between 5 and 5.30.

I came across something a while ago which is still in the trial phase for me and if anyone has ANY additional information to give you regarding this, i would also appreciate hearing it. I read that an active toddler needs 2g / 2tsp of protein per kg of body weight per day, otherwise, they are just hungry all the time. Now, dd definitely doesn't get that in her daily diet because she eats so little, so i started adding a natural protein powder to her bedtime bottle and she has slept through almost every night since!

I've had 2 setbacks since using this method, one where she didn't actually finish her bottle and now recently because she's teething rather badly, but otherwise, this information was a godsend to me because it really seems to work - she is also waking up later in the morning - between 6 and 7.

I have a couple of other moms who are trying it and i am waiting for feedback from them - i will definitely let you know if it worked for them too.

Sharon