breaking AP habit 1 yo

[kmalbin]

Hi everyone, i have pretty much lost the will to live and desperately need some help.

i have just got out of hospital with pneumonia so very tired and out of breath. DH has been dealing with DS who has been poorly for weeks too, finally on antibiotics as a precaution and on the mend and i have been dealing with DD who has very bad asthma atm peak flow down to 45% :-( so all in all a very poorly family and crappy times.

we are finally on the up health wise, but my problem now is, DH has been takin DS downstais to sleep with him for couple of weeks now, where hes been so unsettled it for easier for DH than sitting by his cot all night waking DD etc.

so now, 10:30 on the dot DS is up screaming until he is taken downstairs. I know this is our fault, DH for doing in first place, mind for not putting a stop to it and for getting poorly in first place, but how do i fix this?

I've just tried for an hour wiwo but i just don't have the energy to do something that might not even work.

DS has a dummy so cant do pupd and shush pat doesn't work anymore.
please please help me, otherwise in going to buy another double and we'll have boys room and girls room coz I've just had enough lol

[HenaV]

firstly, BIG (((hugs))) - it sounds as though you have really been through the mill. I think if you want to break the habit then you're going to have to battle through wth GW. From what you've said your LO isn't an IS so WI/WO will not IMO be the beat course of action.

Do your LO share a room ATM?

Hena

[kmalbin]

Is there a link for GW?

im not sure about the IS as for naps and when we put him down for BT he does go to sleep completely by himself, it just seems to be when he wakes at 10:30, 11:30, 12, 2, 3, 5 etc that he will not go back to sleep by himself.

im at the point where im tempted to just let him CIO but i know that's bad. 

both kids share a room atm, so im thinking maybe put DD in our room and set up on the floor in with DS and just refuse to let him out of the cot, is that still CIO?

im not sure what to do but i know something needs to be done and its happening this weekend lol x

[HenaV]

Good for you and with determination like that you will crack it!

Here is the link:

Walk In/Walk Out vs. The Gradual Withdrawal Method (HOW TO CHOOSE)

And no I don't think that being in the room not allowing him out of his cot is CIO. The point of GW or Wi/WO is to offer ye reassurance of your presence so your LO doesn't feel that you have abandoned them as it were and therefore insecure.Have a look at the link and see what you think. Staying in the room i.e. GW I have never done as R has been an IS from the get go but I would imagine that you would lay him down and go back to where ever you are in the room and not make eye contact or speak to your LO, and gradually you get further away from the cot towards the door and eventually at the door and hooray out of the door. WI/WO works for LO who usually IS. So given your LO does in the day, maybe worth a shot?

Have a look at the link and see what you think and then perhaps we can work at putting a plan together?

Hena x

[kmalbin]

Thanks for the link Hena.

im still not sure though, DS is definitely an IS as he always falls asleep by himself for naps and at BT, he gets put in the cot awake and we leave the room, and this takes 5-10mins max, but he will not resettle after short naps, with or without our help and the same goes for NW. There is no way he is going back to sleep unless he is on the sofa with daddy, and he even does the little "hehe" on the way downstairs like he knows hes won again, the monkey!

i have tried wiwo, but his cries are very hard to read and i don't know if im going in too early or too late, but he gets distraught but as soon as were back in the room he immediately stops, so is this a proper cry or am i being blagged lol

all i know is i cant hack this any more, I've not had a proper nights sleep since i was 6 months pregnant and its about time he sttn lol

really appreciate your help, is there a chat room or something that i can log onto when i start this as i can just picture me now rocking in the corner of the room as my 1 year old destroys my determination haha

[HenaV]

Ha! You'll be fine - just keep in that head space. I'm sorry I couldn't yind a current support thread for Mamas doing Wi/WO but I'm happy to hang in there with you if that's any help.

I've always followed the following rules when I have had to do Wi/WO:

(1) as normal
(2)Get the 'don't go, I need you mummy' patter from R. My response: No R is time for night nights (or whatever your sleepy phrase is), lay her down and leave shutting the door behind me (she sleeps in the dark with the door closed) ... And let the games begin!!
(3)R will kick off the minute I walk awayn- stand back and assess. Is the cry upset/distress OR temper/frustration. If it's the latter, do not go in. Hold back. There is a difference IMO between upset and angry cries - don't jump in! If it is the former, implement (4)
(4) go in - put back knot bed/ lay down and again say sssh, it time for night nights now - and again leave
(5) again stand back and assess and do not rush in. Only go in if you LO is upset not just angry / frustrated. If you need to go back in, say NOTHiNG - simply put back into bed/lay down and leave
(6) rinse and repeat (5) until he gives in - HE WILL. It may take hours the 1st time, it will take less time gbe 2 nd time and so on until he decides it's just not worth the effort 

Top tip: make sure you have something to occupy you waiting on the landing - Phone, book, game - something that can distract you and stop you rushing in/ going in prematurely. You will be there for a whole a be prepared to stay the course and I promise you will crack it - he will relent before you do.

Hth!
Good luck
X

[kmalbin]

Aww thanks that does help!

i think im gonna start Thursday night as in off work from then till Mon sp gives us a couple more nights to work on it.

fingers crossed this doesn't take too long i will keep you updated :-) x

[HenaV]

Good luck 

[kmalbin]

Well we've got off to a fantastic start! NOT!

put DS down to bed with minimum fuss, 1 hour later hes awake screaming, so i start WIWO and OMG he has screamer blue murder, like someone is attacking him or something, is this how its meant to be? I don't know at what point in meant to be going in, and when to leave him etc.

hes distraught now and i feel terrible and i know this is all my fault 

[HenaV]

This is NOT your fault. Breath....

Right, his distress, what do you think is causing it? If he's unwell, teething, genuinely scared because of night terrors etc then STOP. If you think he's doing this because simply he wants you there as he's now used to that, then keep going.

If he's distressed, go in, reassure him and leave. If it's temper then don't go in - wait and see what he does.

Does that help? X

[kmalbin]

Is it really bad that i cant seem to tell? All i know is he never cries like that 
Hes asleep now, hubby ended up standing by the cot so looks like we've changed to GW which is as pain but i just don't know what to do. IM meant to be going out tomorrow for my birthday but really don't feel i should now.
i feel like a crappy mother right now.
would putting him back in our room make this all worse?

[HenaV]

Number 1... You are NOT a crappy mother. What you are doing now is as much (if not in the long term more) for his benefit as it for your sanity.

Number 2... Go out tommorow night, your DH can clearly handle it.

Number 3... If you think he'll respond better, switch to GW. To be fair you weren't sure which approach to take in the 1st place

Number 4... Decide what approach you are going to take and commit to it. If you keep switching your LO will not know what to expect

Number 5... Hang in there, you can do this xxx

[kmalbin]

Thank you for your support, means a lot that you are here chatting to me making me feel better, so again, thank you.

i think we will switch to GW and we are def going to stick to it, so im going to set up for the night on his bedroom floor, and then we work on moving away, and out slowly is that right?

xx

[HenaV]

ThAts it exactly. I think I posted the link for you?

It's a slower process but equally as sucesful as Wi/WO. I've never done it myself but am fsppybto keep holding your hand along the way as well
As call in for back if we need it   

Well done on tonight eh, and here's to the next round 

Ps- was just looking around and found this which might help...

Teaching independent sleep - methods

[HenaV]

Hey lovie,

How's it going? X