How trying this must be for you! I can't immagine how much guilt you must be feeling about her eating situation. As mother's its hard not to get stuck on eating and how much food our little ones take in.
I hope I don't come across too harsh, but at three your little one does not need a bottle anymore. Depending on your little one's temperment, you may either want to go cold turkey or just gradually wean. It's gonna be h*ll either way for the first few days, but I personally don't know of any other way to solve your problem.
Your little one's old enough that you can explain the "new rules." If she's hungry, she can eat at appropriate meal and snack times during the day. Feed her until she's full, and then let it be. If she chooses not to eat, trust me, one day with not enough at even a meal or two she will learn to eat when it's offered. She will not starve if you don't offer bottles at night. When she cries out for bottles, stick to your guns and say "We dont' eat at night anymore, remember?" If you're consistent, that should solve your problem.
Again... not easy in anyway. But it should work. Good luck!
