HELP!!Keeps standing up....wont lay down or sleep...thinks its great JOKE!

[kirsty_167]

Hi....

I have read posts before on issues like the one im having with my son at the moment but cant find them.

Jakob is 13 1/2 months old and for the last 7 months has been pretty wonderful at bedtimes and usually good at naptimes.We have been very lucky in the sleep dept up until now so im grateful

He didnt crawl until he turned 1 and only started pulling himself up on furniture 2 weeks ago.He has taken his time to do these things which has its upside HOWEVER now he can stand up  he wont lay down or stay laying down for naps or bedtime!! He isnt crying intially but playing and throwing everything out of his cot. He will in the end start screaming out.

Ive tried pulling the covers tight but he can manage to get out no matter what! I have just spent 50 mins getting him to sleep tonight. i followed our usual routine at bedtime....bath ,bottle,wind down,bed. I kissed him,put on his musical and left.No sooner had i got out his room and he was up rattling the cot. I went in,lay him down, said "its bedtime" tucked him back in and left again.This continued for 30 mins.....me going in and repeating this over and over.He ripped his fav animal pictures off the wall and laughed himself silly when i walked in.GRRRR...that was part of his bedtime ritual saying goodnight to those animals...GREAT!!!!!!

By this stage im over it.I wasnt getting past his doorway before i had to turn around again and lay him down etc.So this final time i tucked him back in and sat down on the bed beside his cot.I held him down (just gentle but enough to stop him getting up) I didnt look at him or talk to him, i simply kept my hand on him until he stopped resisting.Then i removed it and stayed next to him,still not looking.When he went to move i gently placed my hand back.EVENTUALLY he gave it up and went to sleep.But what a mission and im not thrilled at the prospect of this every night.

Okay my questions then;
Have i done the right thing tonight or have i used AP by staying in the room and holding him down?
Do i continue doing what i did or do you leave them to it if they arent unhappy or crying?
Can anyone help me with ideas or tips on what to do?

ALSO;

Jakob has always been one who needed to be tucked in with blankets to sleep.He has always hated going to sleep with no covers. So now he gets out of his covers and of course cant just play a while,get sleepy and then tuck himself back in....nor will he play a bit then just lay down as he is and go to sleep.

What do I or can i do?? Sorry for the long rant but i wanted to be detailed on whats going on so hopefully someone has some tips!

Thank you
Kirsty

ps..here is his routine

7-7.30 awake, bottle
8.30 breakfast

10-10,30 nap or 10.30-11 nap (depending on wake up time)Have changed this to a catnap as he has been waking lots at night and he used to sleep up to 1 1/2 hours at this 1st nap.

11.30 lunch
2pm until 3pm nap (usually sleeps 45 mins only at daycare but longer at home)
5pm dinner
5.30 bath
6.30 bottle and wind down
7pm bed

[tylersmommy]

Is it possible he's ready to transition to 1 nap? A lot of times when you start having trouble getting them down for naps and/or bedtime, it's because they just aren't tired enough. Consolidating naps can sometimes fix it. That's about the age that a lot of toddlers start moving toward 1 nap, so that might be it?

[PeepersMom]

My son did this when he first started pulling up - but he did fall asleep initially.  So we would be awake in and out of the room from 1-6am every night.  For 2 weeks.  Finally the novelty wore off and he was so tired he had to sleep through.  He did it for both naps and night and I had to just wait it out.  Most of the time he wasn't crying, he was playing but eventually he would cry and we would just put him down till he would finally fall asleep. 

It was a very hard 2 weeks.  As you can see in my siggy, my son is too excited to sleep with any milestone for a good 2 weeks till he finally passes out from exhaustion.

I didn't have success with any particular training method,  He just went from 10 visits into the room to put down and awake from 1am-6am one night to finally sleeping through again the next.

I do know how much it stinks, I am sorry, I hope your son gives up soon!!

meg

[Peek-a-boo]

Does he know how to get down on his own?  Maybe help him practice sitting down on his own during the day so you know that he can do it.  Then when he pulls up at night if he's just happy and playing maybe you should let him be.  Once he gets fussy / crying properly he might be more receptive to staying tucked in 

If he's making a game out of it, I would try not to play.  The not sleepy theory of pp made sense too.

Good luck.   

[Fiona (Leah & Kians Mom)]

Hi Kirsty
Your naps sound fine, especially the morning one which should be shorter to prepare for a longer midday nap in order to drop down to 1. This is what I did with my dd. You mentioned your ds likes to be tucked in so to speak, how about using a sleeping bag? You could introduce it now. While they can still sit at this age it's a bit more difficult to stand plus they still feel cozy for sleeping. DD did the whole sitting up like a spring board for a whole 2 hours at this age, and i just kept putting her or rather pushing the top part of her body back down consistently, she eventually fell asleep sitting up and I left her for 15 mins, was awful but it was the first and last time she did it.

[kirsty_167]

Thanks everyone...........
I think jakob is getting close to dropping to one nap a day.He is in the in between stage of transitioning as to help his naps and bedtime he should drop to 1 but cant quite yet handle it...grr its hard isnt it!

I did think of the sleeping bag as an idea but will need to find a light weight one as we head into summer.Im a little worried he will get more upset with this as he wont be able to stand at the moment he can and he is happy enough (im not )But i will give it a go anyway.

I took him to daycare today after a bad night....he woke at 4.30 and was standing up crying hysterically.I spent 30 mins holding him down after wi/wo only wound him up more. I talked to his caregiver and she is happy to help transition him to 1 nap.I explained it may well be awful for a few weeks but for his sake we should do it.She totally agrees so thats great.Im happy she will help as i was going to keep him home to do it myself but if she is happy to go with it then im lucky.

Im still not sure if tonight he stands up what to do...leave him to learn to go back to sleep himself or go in and stay holding him down?

He can get up and down himself so doesnt need me to lie him down but idont know how long he will stand or sit crying before he relents and goes to sleep. I really need some detailed advice on what to do from the time i can hear he is standing again.Do i go in straight away and lay him down...or do i leave him until he cries?Im soooo lost on what to do.

Thanks for listening
Kirsty

[Lucysmom]

Hi -

I am so sorry things are rough right now.  My first thought though is that he will outgrow the novelty of this new skill soon and will stop having to stand up in his cot.  My second thought would be that so long as he is not crying like he needs you and he knows how to get back down, then leave him alone.  I feel like otherwise he will feel like it really is a great game and mommy stays with me while I go to sleep - FANTASTIC!    Another thought I have is that I recall another member (Katet) having lots of problems with her youngest ds with him standing up in his crib.  He was younger but she is a great BWer who offers wonderful advice.  So I will pm her and ask her to take a look at this for you. 

Sending you lots of patience vibes!

[kirsty_167]

Thank you so much for clarifying some things for me.
I agree if i go in when he isnt upset he will turn this into a game.

You see his daddy wanted him to get up out of bed yesterday after i said not too.He had been refusing his nap, satnding up etc and his dad decided it was mean to leave him when he "obviously" didnt want to sleep and "didnt" need it ....yeah right i said!!! I told him all about BW and what we needed to do...he didnt agree or see what
i meant and as predicted Jakob replayed this all again at bedtime!! GRRRRRRR!!!!!

Anyway It would be great if katet has some advice......i know im not alone on this just would love some tips on how others dealt with it.Plus if i leave him when he isnt upset i need to know what steps to follow when or if he does cry.

Thanks again.....the advice is so appreciated!!!
kirsty

[Katet]

As Lucy'sMom said I went through it, with ds#1 I actually patted him off to sleep at that age (he was about 12mo) & then gradually lessened it but there were some other factors too.

With Ds#2 he was about 8mo, but what I did was put him to bed following the normal routine & then left & he climbed up etc, played what ever & when he got upset & cried I went back & tucked him back in & left... if he got upset I would do exactly what you did & do what ever it took to get him calm, if he was standing up & upset (tired) I would lie him down & pat him until he was calm & take it from there, lots of "stop/start"... it did take an investment of sometimes 1/2 hour or more for naps/bedtime but it was over in a week or 2 for the most part, we still have times when he is overttired or undertired (occasional 2 nap days) when I have to go back once or even multiple times (eg last night... but I was out all afternoon so that may have been I need Mummy time too ) , but for the most part he settles down pretty well Although I have never really tucked him in & actually if you are coming into the warmer weather (as we are) it might be easier to break the routine with the tucking in as he may start learning to do what my ds#2 does... play (up to an 1/2 hour somedays) & then plop down & go to sleep.

[kirsty_167]

Hi katet

Thank you very much for taking time to help me out I areally appreciate it!!

Today at daycare Jakob still had 2 naps as the caregiver decided he was so tired so that was fine.(after a bad night i knew he would be) So basically we will drop to 1 nap on a day the caregiver sees he can stay up until the munchtime mark, until then we are going to limit that 1st nap to 30 mins so not to upset the pm one too much as that is only 45 mins to an hour anyway.

Tonight went better than last night.He got up straight after i left the room but i stayed away until he started crying.I went in lay him down and reiterated that it was bedtime,tucked him in then calmed him by rubbing his tummy until he relaxed i then said goodnight and left.He straight away screamed  so i went in and put im down again then rubbed his tummy again until he relaxed again.I said "good night see you soon" and went to his door, i stood there not looking at him and let him see i was still near.I then left his room and left the door open so he could still see me.I stayed put for a few minutes until i knew he was relaxing.I then left and left the door open a little.(i think the dark is part of the problem as having the hall light on has helped)

So far so good.He has been asleep for nearly an hour.At least i know that this routine does result in sleep at some point so that good!! I guess we ride this new wave ..he will soon cotton on that he wont get any extra playtime and its dead boring and simply go to sleep!!!! Fingers crossed anyway!!

Thanks for you help!!! Any more tips from anyone?? Always appreciated!!

Kirsty

[yaya]

hiya! Not so much tips here but sympathy! we have similar issues! Thomas def thinks its a game and hes up and down in his cot for...wait for it...up to 1.5 hrs!! My only advice is to stick it out, however long it takes. I reckon they need to get all the 'playing around' out of their system before they get bored and go to sleep. I need to stay with T in his room otherwise he gets upset but I sit on a chair (thanx stacy) and totally ignore him, if it gets a bit out of hand, I go over lay him down and move away again (like what ur doing). SO far I have realised T has  A LOT of resiliance! BUT he does eventually go to sleep, some naps in 20min, other over 1hr and while I realise this is not the norm, im sure we r both doing r best! Now, even if naps take ages to fall asleep, he no longer stands up all the time so I reckon, ride it out! He's just learnt to do it so wants to practice! Let u sknow how u get on

[kirsty_167]

Thank you.........always nice to know im not going through this alone!!

Isnt it hard sometimes when they used to be so easy to put down and then this!! Tonight i resigned myself to another round of being in and out for hours but it didnt happen and was all over within 20 mins.....yippee. Who know how it will be tomorrow but i know he learns quick so he already knows i wont put up with it and wont be getting extra play time with mummy...no "mummy means business!!" hehe.....

thank you ti everyone who is helping me out.thank goodness for BW.......always the 1st place i come when i get stumped!Fantastic site!!

Kirsty

[Katet]

It's also important to remember they aren't doing it to upset you, they are doing it because it is a new skill they want to master & so they get absorbed in doing it... I think when you get the mindset of "they are doing this to annoy me" it becomes a battle of wills, but when you say "Ok this is going to take an hour... I'm up for the task" you can be pleasantly surprised.
It is hard when they were easy to put down & things change... but they grow up & change & we need to do that too. What I find though is if you see these things as "hicups" then you learn to "ride them out" by giving them the extra they need at the time, but others (non BW friends) get frustrated & angry & then end up with them falling asleep on their lap infront of the TV or what ever & it becomes a bigger issues... a week or two every 3-4 months to deal with a developmental issue is part of parenthood as far as I'm concerned... Hang in there... from about 6 call backs yesterday to almost demanding to be in his cot during stories tonight for my 16mo... they learn if we are consistent. But we also need to remember as they get older they have more "emotional" needs & "stresses" & bedtime is when they can arise too.