desparate for support and help

[M&M's Ima]

Is it because of his cold that he'll virtually only sleep if nursing? (This was not a gradual thing due to bad habits. Of course, of course nursing to sleep is a bad habit, but when he got this bad cold, that became the only way possible, and now there is no way possible, unless I sleep wtih him!)

Also, it seems as if he doesn't need to sleep! I mean, after he gets tired, if he can't fall asleep with our normal routine, he'll just hang out. pink, tired eyelids, smiling and playing! Or he'll get a 15 minute nap and then be "fine"./

I know he's exhausted cuz he can hardly stay up 40 minutes before he starts whining and yawning, but then he gets over it. Seems easier to him then falling asleep wtih a stuffy nose, I guess.

HELP!

edited to add: if you're responding to this thread (and thank you for that!) please read page 2.

[jayne]

what have you done for his cold??

try to elevate the bed and run humidifier (sp?) have you given him anything for the cold??

sometimes when my lo's are not feeling well they need me to be by them..

[M&M's Ima]

jayne, do you have any suggestions as to what to give him? All I've done is elevated the mattress. and i use saline drops sometimes if he's too stuffy to nurse.
(found out now he has an ear infection too, but too slight for antibiotics. i'll post this under Health too.)

[Mom2katiebug]

Raffaella - My DD has been doing a similar thing recently.  I thought maybe she was ready for a 3.5 hr EASY because she was staying awake so much and not cranky awake, but content and even happy awake.  Although would get really tired and be ready for bed at night.  (But again, not overtired and unable to sleep.)  Oh, yeah and 20, 30 or 40 minute naps and waking smiling and ready to play.

There have been about 3 days of this, but today seems to be normal.  Nighttime sleep wasn't perfect, but okay last night, but morning nap was a good 2hrs. 

No solutions or suggestions - but our LOs are similar in age, so I thought it might be a phase.  Hope others have some insight.

[Aiden and Marlo's Mama]

DH is telling me dd has been doing the same during the day when I'm at work.  So we're all in the same boat, with babes born just a couple weeks apart.  Must be somethin??? :roll:

[M&M's Ima]

thanks, guys. this makes me feel a bit better. I always seem to get so neurtic about my kids' sleep. Like even if ds is acting fine, I'll be going, "but I know he's sooo tired. He needs to go to sleep!" DH thinks I'm nuts. (Of course he is right...)
 

[jayne]

can you give him pediacare??? or is he too young?? i would call the doc and see if there is anything you can give him

[M&M's Ima]

what's pediacare? I took him to the dr today about the ear infection, but he didn't advise anything for the cold.

[jayne]

pedicare is a cold medicine..

call your doctor and ask what you can give him to help break up the congestion..

i hope he feels better soon

[GG]

According to my ds's pediatrician, nursing the baby is the best thing you can do for his cold.  For the discomfort of his stuffy nose, just use the saline drops.  If he has a fever, obviously make sure to give him something for that.  As long as his pediatrician isn't worried, everything is okay.  His little body will fight the infection on it's own.  In the meantime, try to stick to the same routine as before.  Since you needed to nurse him to get him to sleep, he is now used to doing that (it takes practically no time for babies to get used to our accidental parenting ways  ).

I am just like you when it comes to ds's naps.  I border on neurotic on making sure he's sleeping well (though I've tried to relax, realizing that a few shorter naps will not cause him harm).  You should go with your gut instincts.  In this case, I'm sure you are right.  Your baby needs more than 15 min of napping and, at his age, even 40 min of awake may be too much.  As SOON as you see that he's tired, you need to try to put him down for a nap.

As for nursing to sleep... yes, you do need to change that as soon as possible.  Do you need any support with that?   

[M&M's Ima]

As for nursing to sleep... yes, you do need to change that as soon as possible. Do you need any support with that?[/quote]

Uhh, yeah!
At this point I'm so stuck cuz nothing really works to get him to sleep - sometimes he's too worked up to nurse, but I had stopped the walking around the house with him for sleep training, so he won't fall asleep doing that anymore, and in his crib we had never really gotten to a point where he wouldn't cry at all,so now that's even harder. Should I do it anyway with cold and ear infection?!
Thanks for everyone's ideas and support...

[GG]

Definitely wait until your lo is over the infection.  Then, I suggest starting at the beginning of the day.  Make sure to feed your ds when he wakes up, not before his nap, when he's less likely to fall asleep.  If he does fall asleep while nursing, wake him up by sitting him up on your lap.

After his activity (which should be a little low-key so that he doesn't get too worked up), watch his cues and get him to bed as soon as he seems sleepy to you.  Do the wind-down routine, which should help him relax, then put him down in his cot.  This is the hard part, of course, because your lo isn't used to this.  You'll have to do pat/shush to get him to calm down and stop crying.

I remember from another thread that you have another child and so you cannot focus as much time on this as you need to.  Unfortunately, I don't have any advice on this (my second one won't be born until June, so I won't have any personal experience until next year.  :wink:) but I do know that, unless you want to continue nursing your lo to sleep, you somehow have to find the time (and energy) to do pat/shush for a few days to help him learn to sleep.  I've had to do pat/shush and PU/PD with my spirited/touchy baby and I know it's not easy but now that I'm able to put him in his crib and he falls asleep on his own... it seems like magic to me!

[M&M's Ima]

Somehow i lost track of this thread. thank you for your reply.
i think his ear infection is under control, but he still has a runny nose. should i wait it out, or go back to shhpat, as nursing doesnt always work? i am so stuck, nothing works right now,.

i have house guests for a week ands a half who could babysit big brother if i do it now, but he has a cold.

meanwhile, he is hardly sleeping at all during the day.

please help us!
thanks

[ambersmum]

If the cold is still the problem I suggest Medised. It is over the counter and helps with sleep and stuffy nose. My dd couldn't sleep with stuffy nose, this was great!

You've had lots of good advice, I'll just add: stick with shh/pat, it will work if you are consistent. IMHO it is the most useful thing I've used from Tracy's books.

[M&M's Ima]

Thanks. It looks like I really have to go back to shhpat even with this cold. :?:
I tried that this morning with pretty dismal results, but maybe with a medicine it'll be better tomorrow.
Seems as though I have no other option.
Yikes!
Stay on here please, and help me through it, okay, everyone?

[ambersmum]

Will check tomorrow to see how you are.
'This hard phase will end'. Don't know if that helps but I say it to myself all the time on dark days.

[GG]

Since the fever and the ear infection are gone, I say you should go for it, especially while you have someone to watch your eldest.

Good luck!  Let us know if you have any questions while you're doing the sleep training and we'll try to answer your questions as soon as possible.  I'm sure you'll do great!   

[M&M's Ima]

Thanks guys!
Well,  :oops: , I kind of fell asleep nursing this morning, so we both had a two hour nap. Not sorry about that at all, actually. The next nap something happened and I couldn't do it either, (but he slept for two hours!) then we were out....

but I did do it for bedtime, and it worked pretty well! He woke twice after ten minutes, but was sleeping again in four each time.

Gotta get up the courage to start with this tomorrow.

[M&M's Ima]

Okay, I did it for all those measly little naps today. Got one good nap out of him, though. Didn't take too long each time, but in the afternoon he did keep waking up tired, after about thirty minutes.
GRRR.

Here comes my admission. I use nursing as part of the wind down routine, and I need to take it out altogether so we can be on EASYYY. HELP! I can't calm him down well without it, and was not up to the extra screaming.

Thanks again for your support, everyone!

[ambersmum]

Well done on the progress so far!

Just a thought, would a dummy as part of wind down help to replace nursing? not for him to fall asleep with but to help him clam down. I used one when Amber was small and she just stopped wanting it when she was an independent sleeper. It doesn't have to be a prop if used sparingly. HTH

[GG]

Just wanted to give you an idea about what the future holds... you think the screams are bad now?  They are just loud (I'm sure very loud!).  They are still loud in the future except that, then, their facial expressions are more expressive and they can have tears and tears rolling down their little faces.  I seriously think that it's MUCH harder the longer you drag it out.  I'm not dealing with nursing to sleep anymore.  I'm dealing with slowly trying to wean him, and I'm only cutting out a couple of nursing sessions a day.  By his crying you'd think I was starving him instead (he does get solids)!!!  It breaks my heart!

Take one day at a time.  Tell yourself you'll do just one entire day of not nursing before he goes to sleep.  See how you're able to handle that.  It honestly gets better day by day.  You'll see little changes and then, one day, WOW!  The naps really do seem better!

Are you trying to get plenty of rest in the meantime?  It's a lot harder to handle if you're tired.

By the way, thank you for checking in and letting us know how things are going!!

[M&M's Ima]

Juliet, I'd love for him to use a pacifier, I just can't seem to get him to take one.

Today was  another bad day for naps. I slept with him in the morning so we both got a long and needed nap. I nursed him every time he woke at 45 minutes. In the afternoon, I didn't have help again, and ds had a dr appointment, so he got really worn out, and I didn't have the heart to have him scream to sleep when it was my fault that he was so tired. Somehow it seems it isn't fair to do to him if I made him overtired.
 

I knew about BW before he was born, and was planning on doing it from the beginning. I guess I didn't realize beginning really meant day1, and he just fell asleep so easily, and I was so out of it....
so here we are nursing to sleep again. I failed entirely with big ds's sleeping.  by age 2 he has figured it out, thank G-d. I seem to not have the energy for sleep training.

Here's the real thing, though - I find it IMPOSSIBLE to get him in bed when he's ready. My oldest needs something, or I need to eat, or I have to take them out, or whatever. By the afternoon he is always overtired, and then sleeps half hours, plus it takes longer to get him down. Ds1 can't take that all afternoon.

And, guess what (thanks for staying with me til here, whoever has read this far)!
I'm schlepping both kids over seven time zones next week, to my in laws, where there is no way I'll be able to let him cry more than five minutes, if that. We'll be there a week, then back home with two jet-lagged kids.

I know that makes this not such an ideal time to start this, but on the other hand, he needs to be able to fall asleep by the time we get there.

Saturday - Tuesday I should have my father and step mother back here to help, so maybe I really will be able to have this underway.

Thank you so so much for all the support! It's ridiculous doing this here by myself.

[ambersmum]

Hi , just read your latest, I have no amazing advice, just to say, I did read to the end! It sounds so hard on your own and with ds1 needing you too.
A big hug is wending its way to you from England :wink:
Sleep training is hard but so worth it in the long run, keep going!