3 weeks on EASY - need HELP!!!

[SpringFlower]

Hi all,
We started a 3-hour EASY routine with my DD 3 weeks ago when she was 11.5 weeks.  Before that, she’d never slept in her crib – she used to sleep with me, day and night, falling asleep on my breast.
What we have 3 weeks later:
1)   I have to stay with her during her naps shush/patting her all the way through her  sleep. Otherwise, she would wake up after 30-45 minutes. I leave the room after an hour, so she can do the final 10-15 minutes by herself.

Is it normal that I have to shush/pat her for such a long time?


2)   She never falls asleep by her own – only with my help. And she is always crying before falling asleep:  during her naps, it takes her 10-20 minutes to settle, and around 40-60 minutes for her night sleep.

Is it normal that after 3 weeks on EASY she is still crying before going to sleep?

3)   Is there any hope that one day she will learn how to fall asleep on her own?


Please help me – I desperately need your advice, guys!!!!

Thank you all in advance.
 

[Sarah - Enfys' Mum]

Hi, and welcome. There is hope!  Don't worry, you're doing great. Can you post what your day looks like, from the time of wake up. Short naps and a lot of crying at bedtime can indicate a routine problem. When I did pat/shh with dd1 I did have to stay with her nearly the whole nap at first. Probably a couple of weeks before I could gradually do less and less until eventually she would go off on her own. With dd2 I've not had the time to do that, I am in and out with her and its worked okay. She does cry for a few minutes before going to sleep but it's like a mantra cry which Doesn't escalate and it's her way of falling asleep and it normally takes her about 10 minutes to get to sleep.

[SpringFlower]

Thank you so much for your reply!

Her routine looks the same as described in Tracy's book:

E 7:00 Feed
A 7:30 Diaper change, rocking in her swing (15-20 minutes), then I play with her.
S 8:15 Preparing for her nap (swaddling, setting the stage)
Y 8:30 Nap
E 10:00 Feed
A 10:30 See 7:30 above
S  11:15 Preparing for her nap (swaddling, setting the stage)
Y  11:30 Nap
E 1:00 Feed.
A 1:30  See 7:30 above.
S 2:15  Preparing for her nap (swaddling, setting the stage)
Y 2:30  Nap
E 4:00 Feed.
A 4:30 See 7:30 above.
S 5:15 Preparing for her catnap  -
Y 5:30-40 Catnap (30-40minutes)
E 6:00 (or 6.20 if it took longer to put her to sleep) Feed.
A 6.30(6.50)  Bath, into jammies, lullaby or other bedtime ritual.
S 7-(7:30) Sleep

E 10-11  Dream feed

[Buttonbobs]

Hi there, it sounds to me like your LO is getting ready to transition to a slightly longer A time with stretches lengthening between feeds and sleep. I think you're having to shh-pat for so long and getting shorter naps than ideal because she's not really tired enough to go down for her naps.

Have you read this?:

Time to Transition - 3hr, 3.5hr or 4hr EASY

What do you think?

[Sarah - Enfys' Mum]

Yeah, I agree.

[SpringFlower]

Thank you all for replies!!!

Actually, I am planning to start transition to a 4-hour routine from next week. But it seems strange to me that she's been like that for the whole 3 weeks, even when she was not even 3 month old.

Also, she starts getting fussy the minute I draw the curtains in her bedroom. Sometimes she cries when I try to calm her down with shush/pat, and then suddenly sees my face and starts smiling at me - that's when I feel terrible , because I have to go on with shush/patting , which will make her cry again.

[Buttonbobs]

But it seems strange to me that she's been like that for the whole 3 weeks, even when she was not even 3 month old.

It is unusual but not strange. All our LOs are different in their sleep needs and some need slightly less sleep than others. You'll probably find it's a steady transition, and just take it slowly, not pushing the A time too long too quickly. Good luck x

[Jill - Lennon's Mom]

Hi All! I just read these posts as I am also having difficulties with shh/pat. I have implemented for one week consistently but I also end up staying for the entire nap supporting with shh/pat -and only get 30 -  40 minute naps. My little babe is just 3 months and will yawn and giver her tired cry after 1 hour 15 min -sometimes less - of activity time. I'm afraid to extend her A time as I will miss her window but do you think perhaps she is ready and I just need to increase it in small increments?

Thanks.

[kayb]

My DD also started fussing at the beginning of our wind down about 3 weeks after starting EASY. It lasted a couple weeks and eventually stopped.

She would also smile up at me from her crib some days. We realized we weren't putting DD into her crib "drowsy but awake". She was just tired but awake.  Do you think this could be the problem for you as well?

[SpringFlower]

I am confused right now: do I need to put her to sleep when she is drowsy but awake or when she is tired?

Also, I 've started increasing her activity time today by 15 mins increment, but in the morning, though her wake-up time should be 7 am, as well as the time for her first feed, she  wakes up around 6 am and just stay in her crib by herself until I pick her up at 7 am (no crying at this time).

Does this hour, from 6 till 7 am, counts as her activity time? In this way, by the time her increased nap time comes (8.45am instead of 8.30am), she will be  awake for 2 hours 45 minutes.....

[Buttonbobs]

The idea is you are putting her down for sleep when she's tired, I.e. Ready for sleep. When you first start easy you want to start your wind down routine ahead of time to aim to put her in her cot when she is drowsy rather than when she is already sleeping. This helps to prevent her becoming reliant on your cuddles for sleep and helps her to learn to sooth herself.

At this age, if she's waking at 6 I'd start counting the time from when she wakes, otherwise there is quite a risk she'll be OT by the time of that first nap. I know the patterns in the books say 7am start, but EASY is a pattern, not a schedule, so some LOs wake at 6 naturally rather than 7. My DD's WU was always around 6.15:6.30 until she moved to one nap at around 14 months old.

If you want to encourage her to move her WU time later you may well need to go with her natural WU first and then shift the whole day slightly later once easy is established.

So your day would look more like:

WU and E: 6am
A: 6 - 7.45/8am - you'll need keep an eye out for sleepy signs until we know what A time suits her right, but average A times for her age are 1hr45-2hrs
Sleep: 8ish to 9.30/10am
Then when she wakes you feed and the cycle starts again.

Average A times- BOOKMARK ME!

Does this help at all?

What wind down are you currently doing for naps and BT?

[SpringFlower]

Buttonbobs, thank you for your comments!

I have a couple of questions at this point:
1) Regarding her WU time: if she wakes up at 6 am crying, I can do shush/pat to put off her WU time till 7 am, right? But if she wakes up and just quietly stays in her crib till I pick her up, I cannot do shush/pat and should accept it as her natural WU time, right?

2) I understand that EASY s not a schedule, it's a routine. But do babies get used to particular time when things happen? What I mean is let's say today she wakes up at 6 am and her routine will be started at 6 am, so at 7.45 she will be sleeping when usually she has her activity time at this time if her day starts at 7am.  The next day she would wake up at 6/30am, the day after that at 7 am.....Should I just start her routine at the actual time of her awaking? is it ok if her day will be starting at different times on different days?

3) You say: "If you want to encourage her to move her WU time later you may well need to go with her natural WU first and then shift the whole day slightly later once easy is established.'' - What do you mean by shifting the whole day slightly later? How would I do that?

4) When it's time for her nap, I take her to her room 15-20 minutes before her actual napping time starts, I draw the curtains, tell her that it's her nap time, change her diaper, and swaddle her...Usually she gets fussy as I bring her to her room around her nap time, as if she understands what is going to happen next(((

[Buttonbobs]

1. I would agree that it is possible to move a WU later by continuing to treat it as night time and shh/pat until morning. If she is waking crying this could be from hunger at this age or it could be because she's hungry/wants some attention etc. I think I've read above that you're having quite good nights with her and therefore it seems likely she would be fairly well restored at this point. I'm not sure if she'll be tired enough to resettle at this point. If you would like a later start, your best bet is to try and get the day sorted I feel.

2. Babies do get used to when things happen, but I wouldn't say they necessarily do by the clock but more so by learning what comes next, which is why Easy works. Babies naturally lengthen their naps and A times as they get older and they get used to those changes sometimes changing slowly and sometimes in leaps after growth spurts etc. some people like to set a WU window. So say your ideal WU is 7am, you could say you'll treat anything before 6.30am as a NW and try to resettle until then, also ten if she sleeps in beyond 7.15/30 you can wake her to maintain the WU and your days' routines. I always just went from when E woke up but t tended to be within half an hour of the same time each day.

3. You'd need to get an established EASY going, which I'm not sure you have yet, and then move things a little later by letting her sleep in a little and push all naps and by a bit later slowly over a few days. Sometimes this shift happens naturally anyway do to clock changes and extensions in A times.

4.sometimes they do understand what is coming next. It might be that she needs a shorter wind down for naps than for BT or it might be that once you get her on an EASY pattern wth A times that suit her well she settles better.

Let me know how the next days go x