23mnth old Long long NWs, bedtime crying & EW please Help me!!!

[Jojogreeneyes]

I think it is a genuine need for me at the moment coming from those teeth upsetting him, how quick did you're LO move into trying to get you to stay in there Hena?  I've never had any success with WIWO I don't think I've ever got my head round it properly.

I think DH would help me tonight but I'm the main carer and I think he needs his mummy at the moment you know I also don't trust DH to do it right  I know I know, I sound a complete control freak but I can't see him being calm and quiet enough as he thinks that S is doing it on purpose.  I'll try and talk to him about it later maybe.

Thanks for your support ladies I'll keep doing the same thing until the weekend then if it's no better maybe try WIWO what do you think to that for a plan?

Jo x

[HenaV]

Ha, you're not a control freak. I have to admit, I'm exactly the same (and also an the main carer) 

I think you are spot on Jo with your plan. I would stick with it and hopefully you won't need to go as long as the weekend. With R, it's usually 3 to 5days but they ate all different hon. ANd tbh, it varies each time. Hon, you know your LO, you will know the difference between him genuinely needing you and him playing you. Trust your instinct, it won't letting down.

I think talking to DH would be helpful re: getting him support to help you through this as you help your LO through it yk?

Keep us posted and don't forget we're here to help and hold your hand along the way xxx

[Jojogreeneyes]

Thanks  it's good to know I'm not the only one who's like this with DH. I hope the teeth show up soon it's been steadily getting worse over the last 2 weeks so maybe we are over the worst !

I'll keep you posted and will definitely take you up in your offer of support. To top it off Z S's twin brother decided to only have an hour for nap today little monkey I do love my gorgeous twinsies though 

[Jojogreeneyes]

Could I ask your views on this evenings bedtime please?

S went to bed about 7.10pm and started moaning and crying but not distressed sounding mummy mummy mummeeeeeeee etc etc. I waited and listened to him and thought he sounded ok even like it was maybe a pretend or half hearted cry somehow. I waited as he did this on and off for 30 mins then I could hear him getting frustrated and start kicking his legs and doing a cry to almost make himself sick. So I went in and he calmed very quickly tried asking me for a story a few times which I said no to and reminded him it was time for sleeps. He went to sleep in about 10 mins then with a back rub.   

Did I do the right thing waiting then going in?  Part of me thinks I'm going in because I just want some peace and quiet and think I ought to try and get him to sleep before DH gets in. Then the other half if me says I can't leave him crying for an hour he will feel abandoned and I could make SA worse?   I'm just struggling to make sense with my sleep deprived brain!

[HenaV]

I certainly wouldn't leave him for am hour hon. In those circumstances I would have probably gone in at the 'mummeeee' stage if it persisted and effected employed WI/WO to show that you're not going to stay until he's asleep (given he clearly didn't need you and was just being a monkey). I understand why you were ignoring him, but I think it might just up the anti iykwim?

Does that help? X

[Jojogreeneyes]

Oh no I feel so bad now for leaving him . Last night he woke at 2.30pm and went in after about 15 mins then I have him a quick shush and he didn't even ask For a drink or medicine then he went off to sleep. He just seems to need or want me in there. He woke then at 4.50 on and off moaning but sounding half asleep so I didn't go in. He then fell asleep until 7am

Can you talk me through WIWO please do I wait until he had stopped crying to
Come out and then if he cries as I'm walking out do I stay in? 

[HenaV]

Oh boy, I'm sorry, please don't feel bad. It's not as though you left him crying for an hour that it's going to have a negative impact. I simply meant that's what I would have done knowing that leaving R would have upped the anti and lead to tears and drama yk? You know your LO, and the best way to deal with him un these situations. AND it clearly worked - demonstrated by the SS you then got. Please don't question yourself. You are doing a fabulous job, and clearly are reading your little monkey like a book. Here's a link that gives a description of Wi/WO. Have a read and see what you think and If you have any questions :

Walk In/Walk Out vs. The Gradual Withdrawal Method (HOW TO CHOOSE)

H x

[Jojogreeneyes]

Thanks Hena am sorry to be so sensitive about it I see what you mean now about trusting my instincts. I spent longer giving S a special cuddle tonight and so far he had gone to sleep without crying .

I'm so appreciative of your support so don't you feel bad it really helps to hear how other people have handled these experiences. Hugs to you!!!!

Fingers and toes crossed for a good night for us all.

Ps I managed to drive to work ok today too the only daft thing I did was turn up to a big meeting at posh offices In my scruffy playing out coat ooops haha.

[HenaV]

Ha that's funny, I do that kind of thing of all the time. Or turn up with squashed in weetabix only suit jacket, nice!

Glad you made the journey in ok. Thanks for the hugs  and good luck for tonight my lovely xx

[Jojogreeneyes]

Haha wellI usually have fireman Sam or robot stickers on me somewhere too wherever I go

Well last night was rubbish sadly.  He woke at 11pm I resettled him then he was up again at 2.30am and 5.30am. I just lay on his floor at 5.30 and refused to let him get up until 6.30am.

I'll have a read up in WIWO today thankyou and start trying that I think as I feel now he just wanting me in there as company rather than being distressed and really needing me. I'll stick with my plan and try again tonight then switch tomorrow.   Zzzzz at least no driving today

[Jojogreeneyes]

Hena I just read the WIWO thread you gave me thanks, and feel I've understood it better now. Could I just double check a couple of points please?

1. When I go in and say our sleepy phrase and rub his back briefly do I just go back out again or do I stay until he is quiet?

2. When I do move away from the cot what do I do if he cries before I get out of the room ?

3. If the crying is on and off (which it generally is with S) in the thread it says to wait to see if the crying escalates. If it doesn't but he is still unsettled is it ok go in after say giving him 10-15 mins to try and settle himself?

Thanks in advance ! Jo x

[HenaV]

Hi lovely,

Sorry for the delay in getting back to you. In was working and missed your post, sorry!

I've always followed the following rules when I have had to do Wi/WO:

(1) do BT as normal
(2)Get the 'don't go, I need you mummy' patter from R. My response: No R is time for night nights (or whatever your sleepy phrase is), lay her down and leave shutting the door behind me (she sleeps in the dark with the door closed) ... And let the games begin!!
(3)R will kick off the minute I walk awayn- stand back and assess. Is the cry upset/distress OR temper/frustration. If it's the latter, do not go in. Hold back. There is a difference IMO between upset and angry cries - don't jump in! If it is the former, implement (4)
(4) go in - put back knot bed/ lay down and again say sssh, it time for night nights now - and again leave
(5) again stand back and assess and do not rush in. Only go in if you LO is upset not just angry / frustrated. If you need to go back in, say NOTHiNG - simply put back into bed/lay down and leave
(6) rinse and repeat (5) until he gives in - HE WILL. It may take hours the 1st time, it will take less time gbe 2 nd time and so on until he decides it's just not worth the effort 

Top tip: make sure you have something to occupy you waiting on the landing - Phone, book, game - something that can distract you and stop you rushing in/ going in prematurely. You will be there for a whole a be prepared to stay the course and I promise you will crack it - he will relent before you do.

Hope that helps xx

[Jojogreeneyes]

Thank you Hena that's very helpful !  I sort of started it last night by refusing to stay in there while he got to sleep so I can get my plan together. Love the tip on something to occupy me that's a good plan . Might give it a try tonight if I can muster the energy. !!

[HenaV]

You can!!!! Good luck xx

[Jojogreeneyes]

Well I did it!

He woke at 11,1am,3am-5am on and off then slept until 7am.

At the first few times when I went in I stroked his head or back said shush time for sleeps then came out. The first 2 times he actually went back to sleep ok. At 3am I was in and out like a yoyo but he went off in the end.  I think I need to give him longer before I go in tonight as sometimes I wasn't sure if he really needed me or was just frustrated at being awake.   It felt better though to be back in control of the situation even though it's stressful and tiring I feel like I've made some progress.  I'm just sat waiting to see if he can settle on his own now at bedtime. I just heard a few mumbles of mummy but fingers crossed he can do it.  Am solo tonight as DH has to be at the other end of the country first thing in the morning so travelling now.  Will keep you posted!

Thanks so much for all your time helping me I don't know how you find the time !!

Jo x