We have a 4WO as well, but we bottle-feed (mostly formula, but some EBM). We let her tell us when she's hungry. It's usually every 2.5 to 3 hours during the day with cluster feeding in the evening. However, if we've gone 3 to 3.5 hours since she had her last bottle, we'll wake her up to eat.
At night, it's a different story. We do the cluster feeds in the evening, spacing them 2 hours apart (like 4pm, 6pm and 8pm or 5pm, 7pm and 9pm depending on the day). Then, we put her to bed and tuck in ourselves. When she wakes up hungry in the night, we get up and feed her, change her and tuck her back to bed. We don't wake her on a schedule to eat. Things are still all over the board, but we can usually get at least one 4 hour stretch of sleep each night. Last night was great with a 5 hour stretch! Feel like a new woman today!
Supposedly this helps the babies learn to differentiate daytime (shorter sleeps, more awake, more food) and nighttime (longer sleeps, less awake).
As far as getting to sleep on her own...we're still struggling with this one. Some are good; others are a disaster!