16 month started to refuse to go to sleep & night waking

[fleadle]

Right....where do I start???....I think this might be a bit long winded...

DD is 16 months & has been sleeping 12 hours straight since about 9 months & happily goes down for her nap during the day (around 11am) sometimes even telling me she is tired with her tired / sleepy signing....no tears at all, although a few times recently she has stood up in her cot & shaken her head when I tell her it is sleepy time & that I will come & get her when she wakes up....so I have said ok just play with your teddies then....she lets me go out the room & promptly falls asleep.

The last few nights she has been waking in the night, the first time I thought it was because she had a slight cold & she got really upset when I left the room so I took her into bed with me (I am also sharing a bed with our 10 week old son who is waking me 2/3 times a night (BF). it took her about 1hr to stop fidgeting, when she was starting to drop off I took her back into her cot (still awake) and she went to sleep no problem.

Cold has pretty much gone & she is fine during the day & still going for her nap ok, but I think DS might be waking her during the night....I don't let him cry at all & just get him up when he starts fidgeting, although sometimes he lets out a little squeak when he can't get wind up....there is not really anything more I can do to keep these sounds from DD's room....it only seems to be certain times of night that she is sensitive to the smallest sound, other times a train going through the room would not wake her.

Anyway last night I went into DD when she started crying....wanted to check she had her dummy & teddies....told her it was sleepy time, she lay down but started to cry again as soon as I walked out....although she is crying she seems to be taking regular breaks from her "tears" to see if I am coming back in to her. Last night I didn't go back into her & left her for 10 mins when she did go back to sleep....I felt terribly guilty because it is the first time I have left her to CIO.

I have noticed that she is "Testing boundaries" with everything during the day & did not want to appear weak or set bad habits in motion if she is doing the same thing at night....just trying to get me to go in & get her out of her cot.....is there anything I can do to settle her back to sleep bearing in mind I also have DS to get up to in the night. It does seem & always has done that once she is awake she will take about an hour to settle back to sleep.

This will be hard because DH works long hours & also stays away overnight regularly...mum lives too far away & MIL just won't break her routine to come & help.

So....if you managed to stay awake through all of that....anyone got any ideas??

thanks

[*Natasha*]

***HUGS to you***
First of all please don't let your DD CIO i am not sure if you know but BW doesn't encourage or practice CIO. It often leads to more problems later down the track espcially with SA.
Ok so has DD started waking at night since your new DS has arrived? You mentioned teething which can be a big reason for LO to wake at night. Could you try giving pain relief ehen she wakes and you think it could be teething?

[fleadle]

I have tried giving calpol as pain releif, but don't think she is waking from teething cos she is fine during the day.

She used to sleep through DS even in the very early days when he was VERY noisy, now he barely murmers but she seems to wake up.

The only reason I have left her to CIO (only twice) is because she seems to get worse if I go in and out of the room to her.

We did have a similar phase at about 12 months & I tried PU PD for hours at a time but it just seemed to make things worse. In the end I let her CIO for just 2/3 mins....it lasted for 3 days then she slept through again with no waking.....until now.

I am very worried that if I start a WI WO I know I must be consistent & worry that if DS starts crying for food or waking too that I just won't know who to go to first.....i don't want to start something that I can't continue because I don't want to confuse DD.

I know CIO is wrong & I really don't want to do that if there is another way that I can juggle the 2 babies needs??

[Florencia]

Oh my, this is a tough one since you have a very lo to tend to. My guess is that is not that she's "testing boundaries" at least not in a negative way. She might be feeling confused since she's seen her little brother is sharing the bed with mommy so why can't she? It's a matter of separation anxiety which is bad around her age and on top of it she has a "valid" reason for it.

If you let her cry, you will only reinforce her fears of being left alone. It might work on the first days and probably will go to sleep easier but then you'll be facing discipline and behaviour issues related to it. I'd never suggest you to follow that road, I know every mom has to do whatever feels in her heart is the best option but then again, as NAtasha mention, this site does not support or encourage CIO.

To try wi/wo you'll really need to have someone's help in order to have plenty of time to feed your younger ds as well. Is there a friend that would be willing to help for a weeks period? That would be awesome. If not, some nights you could get your husband on board and other nights ask for a friends help.

To mask the lo's noises, you could try setting a white noise machine in your dd's bedroom or turn on some soothing music during the night. I live in a loud neighborhood and the music has saved my sanity. I use Raimond Lap's Baby Music CD's which also includes noises of rattles and babies so if there's another baby crying around, it can be easily masked. A classical music CD (Vivaldi is great for relaxing) will do the trick too.

About the teething, it can also be a posibility even if she's not upset during the day. Sometimes the pain is worse when lo's are lying down and that's why many moms are confused about the symptoms.

I don't know what else to suggest, I really wish i could be more helpful. Please post back if you want aditional info or have more questions. Wishing you MUCH luck and sending you hugs!

[fleadle]

Well, since I posted she has not cried out during the night....I have heard her awake a few times & chatting to herself for a short while before going back to sleep again....

I now think it is a combination of teething....I dared to put my fingers in there & a lot is going on!! & a cold that was brewing & now showed itself in a streaming nose. yesterday she asked to go back to bed for 2 naps during the day, so she must have been feeling pretty rubbish.

I would like to think it is not separation anxiety, I can leave her anywhere with anyone & say goodbye & she never seems bothered at all that I have left her....also I have tried to keep her very involved with DS, but that's not to say she could still be a little jealous of the attention he gets when I am BF.

Hopefully this has just been a little blip, to be honest I really don't know how I would do WI WO, all my friends work & live miles away, I have recently moved to a new area so have no friends locally & those that do have toddlers of their own....I really have dropped myself in a no available suport zone, totally self inflicted really, to be honest I thought I would get more help from my in laws but SIL just hogs her folks leaving her 2yr old with grandma almost every day so I can hardly leave my two there aswell.....but that's a whole other story!!!

Anyway whinge over, thanks for your support, you know what this is always the first place I come to when I need a second opinion cos I know I will get honest answers & not just what I want to hear. I love BW.

[Florencia]

Crossing fingers for you! i hope this phase ends soon. HUGS going your way!

[*Natasha*]

More HUGS and good luck