How do I stop nursing my 9mo at night?

[Mjaz]

Tess is #3 for me, but I've never had a child so obsessed with nursing.  She rarely wants solids even.  She has never STTN and I've about had it.  And she's 25lbs!

She wakes 1-3 times a night.  And if she doesn't nurse, she screams bloody murder. I mean, hyperventilating screaming.   If we get her back to sleep without nursing, she wakes up every 20-30 minutes until she nurses.  AND if I only offer her one side, the screaming starts again. Meanwhile, both of our older kids get woken up and lately the 2.5 to has had trouble going back to sleep.  It's a disaster every night.

We are all so tired, so the last few nights I've just fallen back into nursing her when she wakes.  But it really needs to stop.  How do I do it!?!

[*Ali*]

Does she nurse to sleep during the day or is she an independent sleeper for naps and BT?

How many BFs does she have in the day? And would you say they are full feeds like the NFs or not so much?

I'm just trying to work out if it is a prop issue or a hunger issue.

Also what is her routine in the day? Mine always woke more when they needed a bump in A time.

[Mjaz]

Thanks, Ali.  She eats roughly 4 times a day.  She does not nurse to sleep EVER.  I wouldn't says she's 100% independent bc she likes a little shh/pat, but she's close. 

I would say they are full feeds if we're home and she's not distracted (most of the time) and are only partial feeds when I have to feed her in the car or on the go! 

Here is a rough EASY:

Wake:  6:15
E: 7
A: 3
S: 9:15-10:30
E: 11
A: 3:30
S: 2-3:30
E: 4
A: 3:30-4
E: 6:30
S: 7-7:15

[MasynSpencerElliotte]

Her EASY looks good, though the gap between the 2nd and 3rd feed is larger, but I imagine with naps and working around an older child that is probably as good as it gets! Honestly it sounds like hunger if she is reacting so strongly and waking frequently if not fed. Not sure if it is possible to have a bf prop at night if there is not one in the day though...

[Mjaz]

Thanks.  I know, that's kind of why I'm puzzled.  I could understand the nursing at night to get back to sleep if that's what she did during the day.  But we've never nursed to sleep.  I don't know - could she just be using it as a prop at night?  She reacts SO strongly, as you said, that it's sort of crazy to not feed her.  I got sort of flustered bc my pediatrician was like no, no, she doesn't need to eat at night.  She seems hungry to me, in all honesty.  I just really want to get some sleep one of these days...ha....

[Erin M]

My third nursed twice a night ( dream feed and night feed) at that age -- we lost the df and 10 months and the night feed at 11 months.  No amount of resettling and shushing could get him back to sleep before then.  He was always really big so I'd think he wouldn't need it but he was pretty insistent. 

[Love, laughter, & PJs]

Honestly, Melinda, I would just keep feeding her. But that's me. I agree she really doesn't need to eat 3 times a night. But certainly once is reasonable at this age. It does sound like she's using it as a prop for sure. I think it can be possible for them to need it to sleep at night but not for naps. I think I'm pretty much the same spot with C, who is waking to nurse and sleep every hour or two every night. So I hear you on being tired! :/ Have you read Elizabeth Pantley's No Cry Sleep Solution? Not my favorite overall but she talks about taking the nipple out as they are falling asleep and doing that earlier and earlier to get them out of the habit

[Mjaz]

Thanks, ladies.  Ah, Kate, we meet again!  Lol.  Congrats on #3.

Funny you mentioned the idea of taking the nipple out a little bit earlier each time.  I tried that the other night and she clearly was not done and FREAKED out screaming and crying.  Ugh.  This little girl. 

I guess it is a prop at night and not during the day...not sure how to fix that.  Boo.  So if I feed her at 11:30-12 (typical first wake), what do I do at 3 when she wakes again wanting to nurse?

Thank you thank you....

[eva026]

Mine was also on 2 feeds as this age. You sure she's not just hungry seeing as she wakes 20 min after you get her off without a feed?

[*Ali*]

I'd bet if you could get her sleeping independently without having t be in the room shh patting it would be easier to get her back to sleep at night without a feed. Right now I think she is just used to you getting her back to sleep rather than getting herself back to sleep. In the day she has the shh pat habit and at night she is in the habit of expecting a feed before she goes back to sleep. It is definitely possible to have a NF prop even with LOs who are independent sleepers in the day. It all comes down to expectations I think. If each time she wakes she expects a feed because that is what usually happens then that is what they will continue to expect even if not hungry. And if she is used to feeding a few times a night she probably does experience learned hunger even if she could go all night.

[Mjaz]

I totally agree, Ali, I just don't know how to change things.  She only woke once last night at 1am, nursed and went right back till 6.  Wish that were the norm

[*Ali*]

I would start by gradually reducing the volume and firmness of the shh pat and stopping earlier so she is eventually going in the cot and not needing the shh pat really. Once she knows how to get herself into "the zone" from wide awake without relying on the shh pat to do that for her I expect she will start to do the same at night or at least be easier to resettle without a feed. What do you think?

[Mjaz]

Sounds good!  I'm on it

[Love, laughter, & PJs]

I think shh/pat is a good first step and then PUPD if that isn't cutting it. You may suffer a few long nights of crying as you try to transition her. I know I need to do this with C and I'm just too chicken! Even though I'm not sleeping well with her nursing all night anyhow.

And yes, you and I always seem to circle back at some point with these kiddos, huh?